My Husband was always a hugger. As his dementia progressed I could not get him to give me a hug, even if I took his arms and wrapped them around me. He did however hold hands and he would always give me a kiss good bye and a kiss when I returned. (I would go to his wheelchair and tell him I was "going to work" and he would kiss me and when I got back I would go and tell him I was back and he would smile and give me a kiss.) We are going to get into this again folks.... Intimacy. It is one of the things that Dementia steals from US. Dementia steals the brain, the memories of the person that has it but it is the intimacy that is so often missed and needed. On the other hand there are some dementia's that the opposite is happening and the person with dementia often becomes over demanding. And that brings up a point, one that I personally would struggle with How can you be intimate with someone that no longer has capacity to reason?
Oh well back on topic. For hand holding can you rub some lotion onto her hands? Is there a problem with personal care if she does not want to be touched? Or can someone else care for her and she accepts that? As far as intimate touch..I think you will have to accept that her brain no longer wants to deal with that stimulation. You have to remember it is not about you, it is not personal it is her disease that is ruling her brain now.
Sorry for your situation. I guess it's just part of her condition. Please do not take it personally! She is not who she used to be and means you no disrespect. She's not the same person you married anymore. The only thing you can really do is find a way to accept it and not be hurt by it. It is a loss so it's OK to be a little sad about it, but try not to dwell.
I am so sorry but my Mom got this way too. Especially if it was a man.
There is a great Youtube video on Alzheimers. Put Alzheimer's Video in YouTube search. Pick the Video with the yellow brain. It explains the progression. May help you understand what happens when part of the brain is effected.
Those with a Dementia lose the ability to interact with others. They cannot show empathy or have the ability to understand they have hurt someone. They become self centered. They can't see what they do effects others.
We are going to get into this again folks....
Intimacy.
It is one of the things that Dementia steals from US. Dementia steals the brain, the memories of the person that has it but it is the intimacy that is so often missed and needed. On the other hand there are some dementia's that the opposite is happening and the person with dementia often becomes over demanding.
And that brings up a point, one that I personally would struggle with How can you be intimate with someone that no longer has capacity to reason?
Oh well back on topic.
For hand holding can you rub some lotion onto her hands?
Is there a problem with personal care if she does not want to be touched? Or can someone else care for her and she accepts that?
As far as intimate touch..I think you will have to accept that her brain no longer wants to deal with that stimulation.
You have to remember it is not about you, it is not personal it is her disease that is ruling her brain now.
There is a great Youtube video on Alzheimers. Put Alzheimer's Video in YouTube search. Pick the Video with the yellow brain. It explains the progression. May help you understand what happens when part of the brain is effected.
Those with a Dementia lose the ability to interact with others. They cannot show empathy or have the ability to understand they have hurt someone. They become self centered. They can't see what they do effects others.