Why does my husband who is bedridden with vascular dementia refuse to eat? I'm his only caregiver. He lives at home with me.

Both mom and grandma went through a phase were they refused to eat. What got both through it was adult nutritional drinks. During the worst of it, getting them to drink a 8oz bottle a day was a win. That was done a sip at a time. Maybe 1 sip out of 10 attempts worked. But it did work. Both pulled out of the no eating phase and are back to eating pretty normally again. It took months for mom and weeks for grandma. Mom dropped from 120 pounds to 80 pounds. She's got back up to 115 and has stayed there. Her doctors were amazed that she was able to gain back so much weight so quickly.

It is not your fault your husband has lost his appetite. In the later stages of dementia, the brain does not signal hunger or thirst normally anymore.

Yet, it is important that you continue to encourage liquids and soft foods.

Tell his physician about the issue right away—especially if he refuses to drink.

Perhaps it is time to allow someone to come in to help you help your husband. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging. These agencies have resources and ideas for people in your same situation. I think you will enjoy and appreciate the support.

I'm very sorry you are going through this. Please don't feel guilty. You being there helps him, your love helps him, you are keeping him safe and that helps him.

Have you considered hospice to keep him comfortable? Hospice is wonderful for support and they know how to navigate these things, and also support you too.

If he is not still active, he may simply just not be hungry. Is he actively dying? In their last days, people often refuse to eat. It’s a sad part of a sad process.

Please don’t feel guilty or that anything is your fault. It’s not. You are doing the best you can for him. It’s a nasty, vile disease and people who care-give for people with dementia are heroes.