My husband does have many health issues. Amongst them is his breathing of which he is on 1 litre of oxygen. He claims that every time he moves around it takes to much out of him as in recovery time. He says I took vows to take care of him in sickness and in health. Said if I was in his shoes he would not have a problem following those vows. His daily routine is get up in the morning, use bathroom and sit in living room controlling the tv. He does dispense and take his meds and pay bills when due. This is all done from the confines of his sitting area. Going from sofa to bathroom is his only exercise. This amounts to about 16 steps total. I bring everything to him. He has let it be known that I am to take care of him above all else. He says if I go out it should be in close promixity to home in case something would happen to him and I could get back right away.
I have no friends come to visit cause we may get in his space. Just easier than worrying we may do or say something he thinks is not on his level. Many of my friends do not drive so I do take them places. He lets me know he's not receptive to this. When I do go somewhere I make sure his meals are ready, setting on counter or in fridge. He would only need to walk and get it. More often than not he calls my son to get it for him if he's not at school or waits for him to get home and has him bring it in. He doesn't have a problem calling on us to cater to him. He accused me of caring and doing more for others than him. I said I wouldn't mind it so much if he would do the things that he's capable of. He let me know that he can't do any more than he is. Says it takes too long to get his breathing back to normal. On top of this he does not have any daily hygiene cares. To get him in the walk in tub is a feat in itself. I am lucky to get him in there every couple of months. Claims it is too exerting for him and yes I have to bathe him but the end result is well worth it. I also have my brother living here as he was having mental issues. He could help me out with this to lessen the demands. Unfortunately my husband has let it be known that he does not want my brother doing anything for him. His claim on this one is that he never sees him wash his hands. Overall, I helped my father with his personal business for the past 19 years (he passed on April 2018) all the while catering to my husband's wants as well as my 17yr. old's autism (adopted him when he was 2) and my brother's mental issues. I do not think that it should be such an issue if I do something. I always make sure if I am not right here that he has easy access to everything if he would so choose to accept it. On top of all this. After my dad's will was brought out and it was not to the liking of 2 of my siblings they are know accusing me of stealing a large sum of money 5-10yrs ago. (Prior to disclosure of dad's will these 2 had not spoke for at least 9 yrs). Now their best friends and said I was the one who had kept them apart. Not that this wasn't enough dad left me as executor. No matter what I will follow through for my dad. I can hold my head up as I know what dad chose to have done, I did. Never will there be any regrets.