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Why does it stress me so much?

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If you were quite sure you didn't need a shower, and you really didn't feel like taking one, how would you react to someone trying to get you in there?

I think getting an aide in is a great idea. The trick is to treat the whole exercise as being completely routine, and observing an experienced aide will show you how it's done. Plus it's one major item you can cross off your To Do list, if you decide to make the bathing assistance a permanent feature.
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Aha! Did you know that your anxiety will spike HER anxiety? I would recommend getting a weekly bath aide to come in, because the aide will exude a certain calm and the patient picks up on that.
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Trying to get an elderly person to shower can be one of the most challenging aspects of caregiving. Especially when that person has dementia.

Have you considered a bed bath instead? Cover the areas of the body that aren't being washed and use warm, soapy water. Give your mom her own washcloth and encourage her to wash her face while you use another washcloth to wash her.

With several towels and a couple of chux pads you can wash your mom's hair during the bed bath. Use as little water and shampoo as possible so as not to make a big wet mess.

Once you do it a few times you'll have it down to a science.
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