Follow
Share

My brother was dying of cancer but since in hospice he's dying of starvation and dehydration. Why won't they help him? He was talking and moving before they gave up on his care. He can't drink or eat on his own but there are other ways to get him nutrition and liquids. What's going on? He's at home with his wife.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I am sorry you are losing your Brother.

Keep in mind eating and drinking, feeding tubes etc are what you can SEE.

Cancer will be effecting his body where you CANNOT see. His throat, stomach, kidney, liver, intestines.

It is natural to imagine he would be thirsty or hungry - as you would be if not eating/drinking. But his body may no longer want it or be able to process it.

Ask the Hospice staff to explain if you need more education. They are trained to look at body signs & to ease suffering.

Wanting to hang on to him is a natural feeling 😥 but feeding him will not cure his cancer. Many families panic and try to force feed their relatives in these situations. It does not save them, but causes choking/aspiration.

Maybe rather than thinking of him starving - think of him becoming more peaceful if you can 🕊️

Peace to you & your family.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

When your brother and his wife decided that hospice was the way to go, they should have been given the information on what hospice provides.

Artificial hydration, an IV, artificial food, a feeding tube are not administered and hospice will not even take you if you have an IV drip for hydrating.

They exist to provide end of life comfort care NOT life prolonging treatment.

Anything considered treatment or life extending would not be handled by hospice.

They have the choice to call 911 and remove him from hospice and go to the hospital and seek life extending treatment. But they have already made that decision once, would it be fair to put them through that gut wrenching decision again?

Do they really want that?

You should educate yourself about hospice and if the hospice provider is not doing their job find a different provider and fire the current one.

If they are doing their job, which is a very difficult one and deals with death, then please do not create upset at an already devastating time. Your brother is dying and he and his family need comfort and peace, not upset and hysterics.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I had a similar experience when my father was in hospice. No food or water. We could wet his mouth with a sponge stick. I know many people have a wonderful experience with hospice, I did not. It was a nightmare. We were not to call 9-1-1 or he would be out of the hospice system. The nurses were not readily available and sometimes we had to wait hours before they returned a call. I have begged my family to never put me in hospice. Put me in a nursing home and let me die in peace.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
MJ1929 Aug 2021
You should have changed hospice companies if you didn't like the care. However, you also needed to understand what they were doing. Forcing water or food on someone who is in the dying process can cause aspiration pneumonia -- not a happy way to die.

If your loved ones put you in a nursing home, you won't die in peace. You'll likely suffer oxygen starvation because they can't give you oxygen, you won't receive comfort care medications like the anti-anxiety meds and morphine.

Calling 911 is exactly what you don't do, because the patient is being allowed to die in peace. Racing them to the hospital is counterintuitive to that goal, and yes, it will get you taken off hospice.

I think it would be wiser to educate yourself on what hospice does and doesn't do, and how the dying process works. Hospice care is a godsend.
(2)
Report
My dad had cancer, and he stopped eating because, as he put it, he just could get anything past his mouth. It was almost as though he couldn't arrange anything in his mouth properly to swallow it. He could swallow just fine, but this was what put him off food. Eventually he couldn't stand the smell of food, and we had to eat cold meals in the house for the last three days of his life.

It's just what happens in the dying process. Don't get accusatory and make this a more distressing event than it already is.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Hospice does not starve or dehydrate anyone!!!! When someone is dying and their body starts to shut down, they no longer will want food or drink, as that can actually cause them more harm, as their digestive system starts to shut down as well.
I'm sure if you ask the hospice nurse they can explain things to you.
When my husband was in his six week dying process, he didn't eat for 41 days,(and never once asked for food) and stopped drinking for about 25 days, before he actually died. That was his body preparing for his final journey.
Your brother is dying, and for that I am sorry, but please let hospice do their job as they are there to help and not hurt.
Praying for God's comfort and peace to be with you in the days and weeks ahead.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

So agreeing with Countrymouse and cwillie. Additionally, your brother may be also be choosing to forego food or fluids, either because he's had enough of suffering and is choosing his end or because his body is dictating it doesn't want/need sustenance. Pushing food and fluids on him may cause him pain.

Since it sounds as if your brother has his faculties, allow your brother the dignity to dictate what happens. Furthermore, he may have been nearing the end-of-life stage when he was placed on hospice. Hospice allows the person to transition into what's needed for comfort and painlessness.

Support your brother and your SIL. Support yourself. I'm sorry your brother--and his family--are going through this.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I found a good article that you may find helpful

https://americanhospice.org/caregiving/artificial-nutrition-and-hydration-at-the-end-of-life-beneficial-or-harmful/

My uncle died recently of prostate cancer that had metastasized to his liver and compromised kidney function. Despite having previously made a detailed advance directive he asked for the doctors to "do everything" when he was suddenly admitted to hospital. What followed was 5 weeks of h3ll - surgeries to improve kidney function were unsuccessful, in pain and confused he repeatedly tore out IV's and his catheter and the CPAP mask that he had needed in order to sleep for decades. These interventions did not buy him time, only pain and suffering and caused his family incredible grief. My cousin expressed that she felt regret and deep guilt that she had allowed it to go on so long.
This is not the way to die. My mother did not have cancer but when she was overwhelmed by age and pneumonia she was given sufficient sedation and dilaudid to help ease her final days, THAT is the kind of ending I would recommend.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

No, you misunderstand - *cancer* starves and dehydrates its victims. Cancer invades the body, parasitises its systems, shuts down its organs and its functions, sequesters all its energy from body fat and food intake, and does all of the terrible things your SIL is being forced to witness.

Hospice relieves the patient of having to feel the full effects of it.

What sort of cancer is your brother fighting?
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter