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My mom has always been mean to me and I have been the only one that done and does things for her. I have taken care of all her banking and bills and dr appointments ect because of her confusion with the dementia. She is now lying to my sisters and brothers saying I am doing this because I think I am getting her money . This is so devastating for me and has made me feel so unappreciative . I am having a hard time putting that away. Any suggestion on not Harding these words when I look at her. Thanks

I think that since your mom has always been mean to you, this is not going to change. I suspect that, at least subconsciously, you're trying to win her over and finally gain the support and appreciation that you've never gotten from her. But despite your best effort, it's not happening, is it? In fact, it's getting worse. And it will continue to, as she declines. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, IT'S HERS. For whatever psychological issues she has, she isn't capable, no matter what you do.

So, stop trying to change her. Stop trying to win her over. Walk away. Spend your time with people who appreciate you. Tell your mother and your siblings that you are done. And mean it. You deserve so much better than this.
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Reply to MG8522
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You say "My Mom has always been mean to me".
So really, nothing is any different, is it?
I would resign from any assistance or care of her.
I often advise people to move 1,000 miles away from family. In your case I advise you move twice that far away.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I just have to ask...if your "mom has always been mean" to you, why in the world would you ever choose to take on her care? And just what are you getting out of it or trying to get out of it....acceptance, love or what?
No one that was ever abused in any should take on the care of their abuser under any circumstances. So if you are living with her(I sure hope you're not)time to cut your losses and move out. And if you're not just let your siblings know that you're giving your 2 week notice that you will no longer be moms punching bag, and get on with living and enjoying your life, and let them figure out moms care going forward. You owe your mom nothing. You've given her enough of your life at this point and now it's time to take your life back.
I wish you well in doing just that.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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According to you, your Mother has dementia. They lose their ability to use reason and logic, they lose their ability to have empathy for others, they become negative and mean (not always, but often). If you continue to take it personally, it will grind you to a pulp.

They also become paranoid and delusional. This is why she is telling untrue things to your siblings: because she, in her dementia, believes them to be true.

I hope you are your Mom's PoA. This legally allows you to be managing her money and provides protection of sorts. But if you aren't her PoA and she convinces your siblings that you are perpetrating financial abuse on her, they may start believing it and cause all sorts of problems.

Maybe it's time that one of your other siblings takes over your Mom's care. Why not tell them you need a long break and then let the other figure out a solution? You don't have to be her only solution. It's not going well and it won't get better as her dementia progresses. If she doesn't have a PoA at all, this will only create more problems later.

Does your Mom have an actual medical diagnosis of dementia? Has she ever been tested? If I were you, I'd have a family meeting (without your Mom present). You bring your concerns to them for transparency. You tell them she needs a PoA or legal guardian. You tell them you are burning out and need a break. Hopefully they won't harangue you into continuing on your pathway to burnout. If so, you should walk away. They'll find a solution once you make yourself unavailable.

Do you live with her? If so, moving out will give you options.
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Reply to Geaton777
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