My elderly father was in a Nursing Facility recovering from a severe infection. My mother spent most of the day with him before he retired for the night. When the staff went to check on him, they found that he had passed away, another WW2 veteran gone. About 7 AM, my mother answered the phone and screamed. I ran over to her and she said that Dad had passed.

Let me tell you, its been 13 months since his death and I am raging mad inside. Had I not been there, my elderly mother could have fainted and smacked her head on the kitchen tile and I'd had two funerals.

I took my mother to the nursing facilty to sit in the room with the shell of my father. Then I walked out and found the Administor and blew up all over him.

Do they have no compassion to pull a stupid stunt like that. Why didn't they call and have us drive to the facility for a discussion about her spouse. Have her there with medical personnel around when they break the bad news. So if she passes out or goes into cardiac arrest and a AED can shock her back but to pull such a asinine stunt like that. It was so wrong.

I will probably be at my mother's when the Lord calls her home. I already have a plan, after calling EMS and the police. I will have my sisters meet me in the Emergency Waiting Room when I break the news to them. So it they have a medical issue, then medical staff can deal with it. Death and I are old friends, as a Security officer at a major entertainment resort over the period of 40 years, I saw a lot of dead people and saw a few that I watched die as EMT's worked on them. I've attended so many coworkers funerals that I've become numb to Death. People will probably think I'm cold when they say their words of kindness. Why do you grieve? Our lives are Smoke! There is no Clock in God's Heaven, when its my time to pass away, I will walk through that door and greet my family and relatives of the last 1,000 years. I would not deny my mother her chance to be with her Lord and Savior and meet the Father she never knew because he died from blood poisoning when she was 6 months old. I will miss her as I miss my father and grandparents. I will not grieve, I will rejoice that I'll see them again when my smoke dissipates.

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I do see your point. But, that is the way its done. When I got my call I was driving and pulled over. The nurse asked me where I was, told her, she told me to call her back when I got home. I then said, she died. The nurse confirmed.

Mom was 89. Like you, I don't grieve. We will all die. My Mom believed as you so she knew where she was going. So how can you grieve when she lived a long life and is now in no pain and is whole again.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29

In my case, I was the one who signed my Mom into long-term-care, thus my name was the only name on the facility's call list. I had prefer that the facility not call my Dad, who was in his 90's and at times would get confused.

My Mom passed in the wee hours of the morning, so I waited until Dad's favorite caregiver had arrived at his house before I called to say that I wanted to stop over. I think Dad knew in his heart that Mom was gone.

What was interesting, Dad's evening caregiver, who was a substitute, insisted that Dad go see Mom at long-term-care. Dad said he saw Mom at noon. But this caregiver wouldn't take no for an answer. So Dad finally said yes, and after the fact was appreciative that that caregiver insisted. How did the caregiver know this? Maybe it was a hunch, or maybe she knew somehow.

When my Dad was later in Assisted Living/Memory Care, the person who called me when Dad had passed was Dad's private caregiver, we all knew Dad's time was limited.

These are all learning experiences to help us whenever this situation should come around again.
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Reply to freqflyer

Of course they call to inform the POA or designated next of kin and so do hospitals, I don't think there is any easy way to tell someone about an unexpected death.
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Reply to cwillie

I imagine that is how it needs to be, someone has to notify the family. My brother notified me when my father died and I was terribly shocked so I know how it feels, but I don't think the NH acted improperly.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Reply to Val3rie

I hope I don't say anything that could upset you further. I know sometimes things don't go as we plan or hope.

my dad was on hospice for about 1 month, and we knew he was going to die soon. the hospice knew I was my dads POA and they knew I was the contact person. And so did the assisted living facility. But the night he died, it was about 11pm. and so I don't really know who actually made the call to us. It could have been the assisted living or maybe AL contacted hospice and then hospice called us?

The reason I don't know is because they called my sister instead of me. And while it’s her dad too, I just felt they should have called me. Because I had discussed with ~everyone~ what I would need to do when he died. And sister called me to tell me that he died. And she was upset because she didn’t know what to do AND because she had been out drinking she wasn’t able to drive. I was upset for a several days. Upset about the call and upset about, well I just leave it at that….
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Reply to wally003

This might sound hard-hearted, but it seems to me that the NH had a duty to inform the next of kin of the death. A LEGAL responsibility, which they carried out.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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