6 years ago my DH chose for us to quit our trucking job and move in with his mom to help her. I had had a heart attack he is diabetic.

She has had surgery twice on her shoulder, she is now and forever in pain but wont follow dr orders on how and when to take her meds. She has now just sat till she has no use of her arm. She has Parkinson's diagnosed 3 years ago. She is not even trying to live. She stoped leaving her room... her other son calls her as little as possible and the other DIL forget it she is saying put her in a home and walk away. How do I say this .. I am so resentful to DH and MIL I want a divorce just to have me back. This situation has run my children off and the grand children too.

DH and MIL depend on me to do everything. I had a chance to go visit with my father age 93 in great health takes care of himself lives alone. I could not visit with out the daily phone calls. MIL called and told me off how dare I leave my husband to care for her?

Whey am I still here? So since returning she has a explosive diarrhea and when meds fix it she says it hurts to bm. So she eats a package of Graham crackers and back we go to the uncontroled bm.

I cant stand the smell or she walks through it wiping her and she goes more in my hand.. why am I still here?

Why am I still here?

Hubby some times gets it but with his heart attack and quad by-pass last Feburary he has not worked I could not hold a job because she calls and demands I come home and help her off the pot. Yes I did have a job at one time. DH helps occassionally he might do dishes, change the laundry.

Who do I have to see to get permission to leave? I could not even have 10 days. I cant even get the doctors to belive me on her behavior. She bms all day in small amounts, over night she will BM in her bed and then disrobe and BM more all over the room, and like at 3/4 am. I get up at 7 am no naps, she keeps me up till midnight getting her to bed. Am I crazy why am I still here?

I am sure there are many of you that are here have stories too. I just need someone to help me know how it is I am still here? Thanks.

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Please, go and visit your Dad again. He is 93 and you dont know how long you’ll have him. It would be tragic to lose him while you’re cleaning up the crap of these ungrateful two. Stay as long as you want, maybe at least until DH can figure out what to do with his mother. He is diabetic and has had bypass. So have millions of other people and they are not invalids. He can do more than move laundry, but why bother when he’s got you to do absolutely everything for them. He’s got a phone. You could even be nice and leave a list of agencies for him to call. Perhaps a caregiver for a few hours a day. Sorry if I sound cold, but being expected to take care of his mom to the detriment of your health just frosts my shorts. Please spend the time with your dad. You won’t get this time back.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to rocketjcat

Leave and go to your Dad’s. Block their phone numbers. Do not tell them your plans let them make their own care plans without you. Take back your life from these people. And follow suggestions from other posters. Do not let DH or MIL bully you. DH can clean up his mother’s messes. It is not your responsibility.
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Reply to UsedupDIL

I would first look for a job somewhere not near DH and MIL. (Maybe near Dad) Then I would check Medicaid for homecare. Office of Aging to see what services they provide. Leave the info when you leave with a note tell DH to figure out Moms care. He can clean up her s_ _t. When u get the job, take half the money out of your accts and leave. Mom is husbands responsibility. Let him clean up the messes. I have a feeling you never really had a good relationship with this woman. She is taking advantage of the situation. You moved into her house so she has the upper hand. You owe her nothing.

DO NOT tell anyone of your plans. Maybe go visit Dad and not come back. MIL is not your responsibility. Husband made the decision to move in with her. Take back your life. And lose their phone #s. Block the calls. If you have to call, call from another phone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

Why are you there and why do you stay?

Because you have allowed other people to make the choices.

You open by saying "my dh chose for us to..."

You go to visit your father. They're on the phone to you night and day. Why didn't you turn the phone off?

Your MIL's toileting routine is disastrous. She chooses to let it be a problem that you have to deal with.

The solution is for you to start making choices for yourself. Who should be looking after your MIL? Where should you and your DH be living? - and if you can't bring him with you on this, how about "where should you be living?"

You're not crazy, but you are allowing yourself to be bullied. I expect this is by now a deeply ingrained habit which it will be hard for you to change. But just asking the questions is the key first step - and well done to you for that.

Reach out. There are other options for finding good care for your MIL. It does *not* have to be your job. Try your Area Agency on Aging, talk to your MIL's doctor, join a Parkinson's Disease support group. Once you know what you do want and you know what is possible, it will be a lot easier to start saying no to demands that are completely unreasonable.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Countrymouse

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