Why do I come back from my moms and I can barely get off my couch emotionally and physically?
My husband was there Monday but had to come back for work. (Which has been pretty stressful this week for him) anyway the next day it started at 7:45 am with blood work and then 11:15 the vet and foot doctor at 2. Yet somehow i never sat down until 6 pm. Again driving past my brother house is still a punch in the stomach. Plus seeing the tractors in the field are a huge trigger of a loss of a way of life for my family. I don’t sleep well and barely eat when i am down there compared to when she comes up. The next day she had her doctor appointment and everything is good. He did suggest taking b-12 since she is so tired. I then ran to do her laundry while she got her hair done. I got three loads done in an hour because I really needed some time for lunch with a friend of mine. I was exhausted. Emotionally you know from other posts where I am and then lot of physical lifting wore me out. I decided to drive in the morning to get to my therapist appointment. It was a good session but I was really exhausted. She is right like you all i have to stop blaming myself for everything and it’s out of my control. Which I can control not eating and that’s where I turn when I am there. But I keep wondering Why there’s so much anger in him. He knew that we didn’t want much if there was anything but some pasture and the house. I just know she has everyone convinced that i only came down for the farm. If I left thirty years ago why would I come back. I am a broken record. I apologize. But I got back Thursday at 10 and had my therapist then took my fil for his coffee shop. I don’t remember the rest of the day or evening really. Yesterday I went to the meeting and helped a friend out with her insurance. She could see how it’s taking a toll on me. I can’t not not go down there. I just feel so empty and my therapist thinks I may still be grieving my daddy’s passing. I just wish they would accept that was my daddy’s will. My mom told me that she had an extremely hard time with changing her will but it was what her and my daddy talked about. But my daddy is gone and she is left with the mess. But their wills were what they both wanted. I just need to get back on track and get my weight up and be a wife. I am trying to push through all this depression and everything be okay. I am also a little angry at my daddy because he always said it’s going to be okay we will be okay. Look at this mess. I apologize again for rambling on. Thank you all. Love you guys
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Have you ever wrote a letter. Put all your feelings into it. How u don't understand why he got mad at Mom but that it was Dad who wrote the will. After you write it send it or not. Just writing it might help.
We got some particularly bad news yesterday. Late last night a tornado touched down in part of my city. I slept through the warnings and the tornado. Didn't hear a thing. The only way I knew before I turned in the news this morning, was looking at my townhouse patio!
In my defense, we do have tornado, siren and flood fatigue here.
Are you taking vit b12 for your stamina?
This will eventually get figured out, I know it is so hard and it may not be what you want when it all shakes out, but it will eventually shake out.
You are an amazing woman and daughter and wife, don't forget that!
Hugs!
Be kind to yourself. Even if it's just 15 mins today, do something just for you.