Why do Alzheimer's patients not like to bathe anymore?

Ditch the arguing. Remain calm. The more upset you get, the more upset she'll get. Keep father out of it (the male dominance thing). You be in charge.

Let the shower run for a while so the warmth from the water heats and humidifies the bathroom. Keep the bathroom door closed. Have extra handholds (the vacuum type, which you can attach and detach easily) so that mom can hold onto them. Keep your arms close around her as she steps in and out; that gives her a sense of security.

You can get a shower transfer seat, which she can sit on outside a tub. It then slides over and gets her into the tub itself. (A regular shower seat is fine too, if she's capable of getting onto it with your help.) She sits on the seat and you spray her with the shower wand, which is set to its gentlest spray. I like to start with the feet and legs and work up, which may be contrary to advice, but by doing that, I can keep the top part of the body covered with a light towel so the person won't feel cold. Use a long bath brush with soft bristles to soap her. That way you don't have to bend and twist so much as you reach to soap near and far. Soap and spray her in sections. Use a small complexion brush, also with very soft bristles, for her face and neck. Soap gently. Have washcloths handy so she can hold them over her eyes while you wash her face with the brush. Use a wet washcloth to rinse the soap from her face. Linger on soaping and rinsing the back. Most people like having their back rubbed, and she may enjoy the massage of the bristles. Dry her gently in the tub as much as possible while she's sitting. Let her help if she likes.

Instead of approaching the chore as if it's about the washing, approach as if it's a comforting time for her. Apply a fragrant body lotion before she dresses; that'll feel good to her. As you become more accustomed to showering her, you'll gain confidence and calmness. She'll feel that from you.

I can only speak from my experience but with my mother in her mind she had taken a shower already. It is the same with changing her clothes. When I tell her we need to get a new outfit on since she is wearing the same clothes as the day before she gets upset telling me she changed that morning. Her short term memory is pretty much gone. I do want to add thank you for this page with tips and issues we have taken care of our elderly parents and spouses. Two and a half years ago when I moved to take care of my mother I had no idea what I was in for. I remember the day when I knew I had to read up and get support from people who understood what was happening was the day she told me to get out of the house that I was an imposter.

I'll add that at a certain point it is tough for their brain to identify white things. Mom would not put her hand under running water. I don't think her brain could "see" or identify the clearness of water.

We put red lobster non slip stickons on the bathtub. The red of the lobster helped her to "see" the bath tub. This really helped.

We also put red mats on the floor in front of the tub on top of the white tile. White tile is problematic as their brain can interpret it as clear like glass and they are scared to go in the bathroom.

The red mats really helped.

Make sure the bathroom is good and warm . Also many do not want the shower hitting over their head , or spraying on them constantly in general . The wand is better . Lather up and rinse with the wand.
Don’t ask Mom . Tell Mom it’s time to get cleaned up .
Sometimes you are better off having an aide come in to do it 2-3 times a week . In between you can use bath wipes daily for pits and privates .

Try giving her a bed bath, if you haven't already. She may be resistant to that as well, but its a little easier on her.
Be sure to place water barrier pads and/or towels underneath her. then using a large bowl or basin of warm water, gently wipe her down with a soft washcloth, starting with the face and head, and work your way down. You can use a towel or sheet to keep her body covered so she is more comfortable. Not completely exposed, naked and wet.
My 62 yr old husband is partially paralyzed and suffers brain damage as a result of a stroke. He is still quite strong and resistant to any personal cares. It's a challenge, but I find it easiest to do only his upper half or lower half of his body at a time. While he is sitting up in a wheelchair, I wash his head, neck, chest and underarms as best I can. It's always a fight.
Then, when performing a diaper change, I thoroughly clean his lower half with disposable wipes and warm soapy water.
Just remember, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just do the best you can to care for her skin, while keeping her comfort in mind.
Dementia can cause the person to feel vulnerable and "attacked" by too much close personal care.

Let's not forget, taking a bath/shower can be exhausting as one ages. Both my spouse and I [in our mid 70's] compare it to a work-out at the gym.

When my dad was diagnosed and came to live with me I was finally able to make sure he showered at least one a week. But I had to get a shower chair and help him with it. First of all I took a space heater in and got the air extra warm in the bathroom. He was pretty frail and being cold was unpleasant, so making it really warm helped. I have a hand held shower which is also necessary. The chair slid out of the tub on a rail so we could make the transition without having to stand up or down when wet. Then he could use his walker to help with standing after he was out. I could get him partially dressed while still sitting and then get everything in place once he stood up. He had vascular dementia which caused him to have poor balance. Hope these suggestions make showering more pleasant for your mom. You sort of just have to say, “today is shower day” and then just do it.

Dementia impacts more than just memory. The senses change: depth perception and vision change, and certain physical sensations become unpleasant. She doesn’t want to bathe not because she is trying to be bull-headed, but because she can’t tell you that it feels bad. Remember, every “behavior” is a response, and it’s up to the caregivers to play detective. Rather than strong arming her into something she dislikes, try to approach it differently. Did she enjoy getting a manicure? Use some aromatherapy and tell her she gets to have a spa day.
I know that this creates more work for you as the caregiver, but if you can turn something ugly into something to look forward to, it may be worth the effort.

Wishing you so much patience!

‘Bath’ or bathe’? Getting in and out of a bathtub is genuinely difficult – in fact I’ve just read a short story about an old widow who had a bath before visiting her husband’s grave and took over half an hour to get out of the tub, with real distress and fear. Slippery with the water, hard and dangerous without it. The story was called ‘The Tub’. Being ‘helped’ is embarrassing when you are naked.

A shower chair and a shower head on a flexible wand is easier, though once again embarrassing when naked. Even if your Dad is used to ‘naked’, it’s not the same, and you aren’t ‘normal’ or ‘proper’. When I helped my mother, I used to strip so that we both looked equally flabby (and equally wet).

I have a balance problem at present, and I’m using a toilet raiser which means I can wash from the bottom up through the smelly bits. Perhaps that might help your mother. Some people have found that it’s easier to hire a ‘nurse assistant’. Making it a stranger and a ‘medical’ procedure takes away some of the embarrassment. I can imagine that a piece of cloth that could cover bits in turn, might help as well.

Are you expecting het to bathe or shower on her own or are you helping bathe her?

Either way, take extra steps to warm up the bathroom and keep her physically comfortable. The prospect of being cold and wet is enough to discourage a lot of peopoe, with or without dementia.