This is madness! I tell my mom what's necessary, I share with her, she made or makes decisions and then doesn't remember why. She changes her mind about decisions made months ago. I don't need and shouldn't tell her everything regarding my dad and their situation. I'm having trouble deflecting or redirecting her and we constantly argue.
This is affecting my mental health and marriage!
My parents are in their early 90’s, my dad had a stroke almost 2 years ago. I’ve tirelessly helped them since then. My dad, mom’s POA can’t make decisions for her, he has Dementia w\Alzheimers. Mom has no advanced HCD and I’ve been asking her to get this done since my dad’s stroke.
Two months ago we moved my dad into a care home, it’s been hard. He’s been in and out of the hospital and then to another care home with wake staff, finally, he seems to be doing better and mom is alone.
I wasn’t working when this began and because of their constant needs (Sundowning), it’s made finding a new job nearly impossible. Finding employment matching my skillset is in itself a full-time job and I can’t do both! I decided to give up on the employment efforts for a while to help them. I’ll never recoup what I may have earned if I had been able to solely focus on getting a job and working and doing so my parent's needs would have suffered. I have been dipping into my emergency fund to pay bills and this won’t last forever.
Early in the year, about 8 months ago my parents gave me my dad's car and signed the title over to me for helping them since he couldn’t drive it. It’s taken months to sell. Now my mom has forgotten why they gave me the car and wants the proceeds of the sale that I’m using to pay my bills. This has resulted in verbal fights and threats to sue me. I said fine do it and don’t forget I’m still working on the VA’s Aid and Attendance Benefits that will pay much more than the car was worth.
I just want to walk away from this toxic situation, sell my home, and move away! I’m having trouble rationalizing her dementia problems, yet it evokes anger and then my wife gets upset for talking to my mom and not breaking the cycle.
How do you deal with this?