Why did the doctors suggest not medicating and just making mom comfortable?

First of all, my father was on hospice and did get antibiotics for his UTI.

In my opinion, "playing God" is when we decide to take heroic medical measures to KEEP a person alive. Not when we allow nature to take its course. Regardless though, God WILL take your mother when He is ready, despite antibiotics or hospice care to keep her comfortable.

Hospice doesn't kill people. Time and old age does.

Best of luck accepting the outcome of your mom's situation here. Without guilt, since it's all out of your hands. My father's UTI never did clear up, even with antibiotics. He passed 19 days later. It was his time to go.

My mom was 92 when she passed. She had UTI almost every two or three months. The ER staff knew when we came in what to expect. She fell and broke several bones in her face on August 31st. On September 30th, she decided NOT to use the bedside commode we had in her room and fell and broke her forearm. At this point, she was in a hospital bed, but she'd climb out if one of us wasn't sleeping in there beside her. Given her age and mental condition (dementia), the doctor decided to do a soft cast, a brace really, instead of sedating her to put pins in her arm. When we brought her home, we decided a catheter would make it easier for her. Shortly after, she got another UTI. I wasn't thinking of the end game and gave Hospice the clearance to put an antibiotic in the catheter line. My mom was lucid enough to realize what was going on. The antibiotic didn't help with the UTI and Mom pleaded with me to just let her die instead of keeping her alive when there was no hope of her regaining her health. She had always told us ...no heroic measures to save her life.
So, we decided to stop the antibiotics and let nature take its course. She was much more comfortable and relaxed. She passed on that October 31st. If she had been a young woman, things probably would have been different. But Mom was tired of living in pain, with spinal stenosis, arthritis, and high blood pressure, along with the dementia. She was tired of not being able to do the things she loved. Her siblings were all gone, her husband of 50 years was gone, and two of her 4 children were gone. She was ready to just go to sleep and not awaken until she hears Jesus' voice call her. (John 15:28) If I regret anything, it was ever starting that antibiotic treatment. When I went back and looked into Medical Directive, she had once again stated that she did not want any IVs to keep her alive. There was not going to ever be a good outcome, so we unintentionally dragged on the course she was going through. I thought maybe hearing the thoughts of someone who had the flipside of your situation might give you some thoughts upon which to ponder. May you find peace.

Current belief is in not medicating UTI where patient is asymptomatic (without symptoms). Quite shocked this old retired RN as well. From what you say, the thought is that your mother's mental decline is NOT because of a UTI. She is, rather, failing, and it sounds as though her POA has decided, at this point, it is more merciful to provide comfort and end of life support through Hospice. I very much agree with them.
As to "playing God" I don't happen to believe in God, but were I to do so it would be a belief in a god that has made us to be born and to die. Your mother is currently in the latter stage of life. She IS dying. With or without God, and with or without Hospice, your mother is likely in the opinion of her doctors to die within the next six months. It is not "playing god" to provide comfort to the dying. Neither is it playing god to provide antibiotics if the patient wishes to have them, or if the POA designated believe that's appropriate.

What seems the case here--correct me if wrong--is that the POA and medical team have made what they believe to be the right decision. If there is pain, trust that Hospice will address that; comfort care is their prime imperative.
As to guilt, you did not cause the fact that WE ALL DIE, nor can you FIX it. So guilt isn't appropriate. What you feel is GRIEF, and perhaps some anger that you are not in charge at this time, the choice is not yours, and someone else is acting for your mother as they feel she would wish things be done. They are using their best judgement and that is what your mother CHOSE THEM to do. Had you been asked to be POA then you would have been making the decisions.

It happens that I agree, myself, completely, with the decisions being made here. And that others on this Forum will more agree with you. That is neither here nor there. But this now is how things will go, and your questions will be best directed TO Hospice, to their nurses, their doctors, their social workers, their clergy.

I am so sorry for the coming loss. I encourage you to concentrate on the wonder of having had so long a life and so much love at the end of it. And to celebrate the wonder of that, and the mercy of preventing a painful end.

My mom was on hospice and had UTIs and she was treated with antibiotics. She would get very lethargic and sometimes have delirium but she would never have any pain or burning from the UTI, it was all behavioral changes. We still treated her, as she had dementia and was also someone who always said she was fine and had no pain, so it was no big deal to treat the UTI anyway. Think of it like this, hospice is for someone who is likely to die within the next 6 months and doesn't want to try to use heroic measures to save their life when it comes to CPR, tube feeding, IV lines, stuff like that. But if your mom fell out of bed and broke her leg, they would take care of the leg, likely in the emergency room.

At the end of her life, my mom died from congestive heart failure and kidney failure. The hospice nurse told me that most people die with at least one infection, whether it is in the lungs, the urinary tract or somewhere else, if something else hasn't killed them first. But my mom took her medicine to prevent UTIs up until the last 3 days when she wasn't taking anything at all or eating and drinking. I have wondered if she would have been better off to die from the UTI, as it might have been quicker than heart failure, but I can't know that. All I can do is know that I did my best for her to not suffer and the way things happened is the way they happened.

I think you should read up about hospice care and also talk to the hospice nurses who take care of your mom. It will ease your mind. They have religious counseling too if that is what will make you feel better about what is happening with your mom dying. She has been alive a long time, and you will miss her no matter if she lives 10 more years or 10 more minutes. You will feel more reassured if you understand what hospice does and doesn't do. They do not hasten death, that is illegal and they have no reason to do so, as they get paid only when the person is still alive. All they do is to treat symptoms that arise as the person is at the end of their lives and doesn't want to get surgery, or another test and another trip to another doctor etc. They do liberally use medicines like morphine and ativan, which do not kill the patient. All they do is relieve pain and interestingly, they make it easier for the person to breathe. I was surprised about that but that's exactly what happened for my mom. She really really hated using O2, so I wish I understood the morphine would make her breathe easier. It likely wouldn't have mattered as she didn't want to take any meds until very late in the game. This is why I'm telling you all of this, as my mom has died now and I hope what I know can help you or anyone else reading this.

There is a lot of misinformation about hospice. There's a lot of fear mongering about opioids. Don't let these things trouble you, look into it and ease your mind. You hear so much about overdoses that it leads to unwarranted fear even in end stage patients. There is a lot of undertreated pain out there as a result. Hospice is one time they don't have to worry about that, just about keeping them comfortable.

I am sorry that your mom is dying and I wish you some type of peace with these things. It happens to everyone and I understand hospice feels like giving up. It isn't. It is just that there is no test or treatment that will make the person any better and in lots of cases just getting them into the testing itself is a huge disruption and for what? A follow up in 3 months? Please spend time with your mom after reading up on hospice and talking to them. You can call them and even if you don't have POA you can just ask general questions about the services they provide.

Just to be clear...hospice DOES treat UTI's so I would be talking to your moms hospice nurse today about that.
But just because your moms UTI may get treated doesn't mean that she's not going to die as dementia itself is a death sentence and the kindest thing we can do as loved ones is to keep our family members as pain free and comfortable as we possible can until they leave this world for the next.
And then there's the fact that your mom lost the love of her life just a few months ago and I'm sure would much rather be with him then to continue on with her broken mind and body. It is so very common when one spouse dies that the other dies shortly thereafter especially in marriages that were as long as your parents, so respect the process and just be there for your mom best you can as when it's her time to go she's going to go.
May God bless the remaining time you may have with your mom.

Putting someone in hospice care is nothing like playing God. God is God. We are not accorded the capability to play God. Try creating a planet or sending rain to a desert; it's never worked for me.

For all we know, God sent hospice to ease us out of this life into the next without pain. Why on earth would a loving child want mom to continue in ever-worsening confusion and suffering? I don't think God wants that for anyone.

Just a different viewpoint.

You are NOT giving up on her. She is 92. Sooner or later she will die. I obviously don't know the complete story or your mother's medical situation but you know that none of us live forever. I do trust the process and the recommendations of doctors in situations like this and especially at this age. The elderly don't react to medications in the same way as younger people, even antibiotics. There must be a reason for this that we don't know. She is lucky to have you by her side. Please do not feel guilty, you are obviously a loving and caring person but you are not in control. You must come to terms you might feel like you are somehow in control of her life but you really are not. There is no reason for your guilt. Ultimately you can only be there for her and provide your love.

It sounds like either your brother or sister has POA for Healthcare. Your mom may have selected one of them for a reason...maybe knowing it would be too hard for you. I am very close with my only daughter. I feel it will be easier (though not easy) for one of my sons to make the hard decisions regarding my wishes. I hope you can have a discussion with your siblings to better understand their reasoning. Maybe this can put your mind at ease.

Sorry for my laziness, but here are the side effects of Antibiotics in the elderly for a UTI, it's a copy and paste. I would encourage you to weigh the risks and benefits, in the end we try and make the best decision possible.

"Antibiotics used to treat urinary tract infections (UTIs) in older adults can cause a range of side effects. Common side effects include fever, rash, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, headache, tendon ruptures, and nerve damage. These medications can also disrupt the body's natural "friendly" bacteria, leading to conditions such as vaginal yeast infections, other infections, severe diarrhea, hospitalization, and even death. A significant concern is the increased risk of Clostridium difficile (C. difficile) infection, which is particularly elevated in older patients. Long-term use of antibiotics like nitrofurantoin is associated with additional adverse effects, including liver damage, pulmonary fibrosis, and peripheral neuropathy, necessitating close monitoring. Furthermore, antibiotic use promotes the development of drug-resistant bacteria, which are harder to treat and can lead to more severe, costly, and complicated infections.

Try to shut off how you feel and think about this. There are two separate situations here: treating the UTI and hospice. They are not mutually exclusive. You may have just gotten/been given the information out of order. Also, it is possible that Mom reacts badly to antibiotics and that the UTI is mild enough that it doesn't really need aggressive treatment. Another possibility is that this is a chronic situation and she is unlikely to respond to treatment. In any case, when hospice is medically appropriate it is clear that there is a more serious health consideration that will limit life expectancy. The problem seems to be communication with your brother and sister. When you ask them about Mom, be prepared to listen calmly and try not to get so upset that they feel like they cannot talk to you.