Why did she die so soon?

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Why did she die so soon?

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My mom was having Parkinson's for 11 years and passed away on Oct 17th (last month). I was caring for her at home and she was in the advanced PD stage with some aspirations and bedridden, but was having small meals and some fluids. I had to go out of city with my family for 2 days so I left her at a reputed nursing home that is know take good care of the PD patients.

After the day I left her there and out of the city, I got a call from a nursing home doctor saying mom is having fever and they have started an antibiotic IV as fever is not getting down. I received a call next day early morning that she passed away due to Pneumonia. I was devastated and I cannot console my self thinking it all happened as I left her there and I could have cancelled my family thing. How could she die so soon within a day and I could not be at her side to say a goodbye?

End of Life Grief Parkinson's Disease

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rvk, I am so very sorry for your loss.

May The Lord give you grieving mercies, comfort, strength and understanding during this difficult time.

As hard as this is, it really was a blessing that she went quickly. She is no longer suffering and I know from your words that she is watching over you, praying that you find joy and happiness for yourself. She did not want your last memory of her to be her dying.

You did a tough job well and she was all the better for your care of her.

Grieve her and remember the love you shared to be able to care for her for so many years. That is a beautiful legacy.

Warm hugs and prayers sent to you and for you and your family.

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Thank you very much for the lovely words and I am grateful to you for reminding me of how much effort I have put caring for her sacrificing my family life. Mom you are always on my mind......💕🙏

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I have heard many times of someone slipping away after their loveds one/s have gone home or left the room. I have seen it myself, family had left the room for only 5 mins.

Maybe sometimes people need to be alone to let go.

I am so sorry for your loss. She is at peace now - I hope the good memories start to comfort you.

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Thanks Beatty for the lovely words

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I am so sorry for your loss, it's difficult, especially when it is somewhat unexpected. There is nothing you could have done that would have changed the outcome. She had end-stage Parkinson's with aspiration. She passed from aspiration pneumonia, it's very likely that the nursing home treated her more quickly that you could have at home. I understand the guilt you are feeling, though, as if your actions somehow hastened her transition, but really, it's you who kept her alive for many years, it's NOT you who caused her to pass away. Take care of yourself. You deserve it; you were a kind, loving caregiver and daughter.

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Thanks Tynagh now I think she had a comfortable end as she was taken care over there.

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You need to cut yourself a break. She was not in her best of health. My cousin passed away quite suddenly from a brain aneurysm at 52. That was sudden! No one saw that coming.

You didn’t cause this to happen. You weren’t neglectful. And, I must remind you, that you DID say goodbye when you left. Not the same kind of goodbye, but what could you have said that she didn’t already know?

Her body had simply worn itself out, and it was her time. One way or another, you’re going to have to make peace with that. After all, wouldn’t she want you to?

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Thanks Lizbitty and she was warried about me and her whole life she was behind me guiding and advising and looking after my health.

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You yourself said that your mom was having aspirations, so it really shouldn't come as a surprise that she developed pneumonia, as it's called aspiration pneumonia, and is usually deadly.
The fact that your mom passed when you weren't there was I believe just the way she and God wanted it to go down. She knew that you loved her, and took great care of her, so she didn't need to have you by her side when she left this world for the next. And no one ever dies alone. God/Jesus and loved ones who have gone on before us are there and waiting for us, so please take comfort in that.
I pray that God will give you His strength, peace and comfort in the days ahead, and that you will find comfort in knowing that she is at peace now. God bless you.

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I so agree with you funkygrandma, on all levels. Aspiration pneumonia is something that occurs easily and quickly and the fact that the Nursing Home caught it quickly and treated it shows that they were doing good care, in my humble opinion. As a nurse I often saw elders pass only when family did leave; they were left in some peace and not trying to stay around for their family, not trying to please the family. I think no one can understand the exhaustion of trying to stay when you are ready to leave, not until you get there. I spoke with my own Dad and so many patients about this burden of trying to do things, be there for family that desperately wants you to stay. He was so exhausted and so longed for death and rest. I too hope that our OP will understand that this is not any "fault" of her own, and will be comforted by the love and care she gave, and the peace her Mom has now.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Regardless of where and when our loved ones pass, even after long illnesses, it can still be a shock. There is no answer to your why that will change her passing. It is a stage of your grief to question. As the old hymn tells us “We’ll understand it better by and by”.

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thank you 97yroldmom for consoling words

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Why did she die so soon?

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