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My husband recently spent five days in the hospital after three trips to the ER in two weeks for violent behavior. I refused to take him home and his PC doc supported me, even told me to do it. He was admitted "for observation as an outpatient", had a full psych eval and they changed his meds: for seroquel, from 50 mg to 100 at bedtime and 25 mg as needed during the day; adding depekote liquid three times a day-2.5 ml in the am and afternoon and 5 ml at bedtime. Seemed to work for about a week, but his sundowning is now worse than ever from about 5:30 pm until at least 1 am and for three nights now until midnight until 2am.


Last night was the worst. He was intermittently violent. Insisting that someone was trying to get into the bedroom, (a room NOT his, and demanding that he be taken home). I could go on for paragraphs about his many denentia-fueled behaviors, but I am sure you get the idea. Then he was up at 6 am, dressing himself, dentures in, hearing aids in place, brushing his hair, putting on the soiled clothes from yesterday, bed soaked. He refused to take a shower or let me wipe the urine off of his skin.


I am truly an emotional wreck and I am the one who does not want to be in this world. There is absolutely no money for placing him anywhere and I hate to add more meds and drug him into a stupor, and when I try to restrain him when he threatens and hits-not any hard hits, but it terrifies me because of early childhood abuse. Now he is up and quiet, but I am exhausted and barely functioning. I ache all over from trying to help him up off of the floor and back onto the bed several times because the drugs severely affect his standing and walking yet when I leave the room he manages to get up and do what he wants. It is baffling and frightening.

A couple of things. Other people have said that if he goes in 'for observation' only, the hospital is not obliged to find another appropriate place for him to go. See if you can get him admitted for a health reason, not a behaviour problem. Then refuse to take him back home, no matter what pressure they put on you.

Next, be very careful about your 'debt counselling company' that you referred to on September 7, particularly if they are not charging you for the counselling. They are paid by the creditors to keep you out of bankruptcy. Not so much because of the pittance you may be paying off the debt, but because bankruptcy wipes off the debt completely and this adversely affects the assets on the creditors' Balance Sheet, hence their share value - even the counsellor's commission and annual bonuses for someone up the top. Try to get a second opinion from a non-profit financial counselling agency. I have done a lot of work with social workers, and maths is very rarely their strong point. Re-check the money situation very carefully, because it controls your financial options both for self-pay for a facility and also for Medicaid. (Australia has just had a devastating Royal Commission on the Finance sector, please don't treat these comments as paranoid scare mongering).

Best wishes, Margaret
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I'm a caregiver and have had patients with sundowners. It's horrible! They scream out, swing at you, and want to go home (although they are home). I did a lot of research on my own as well as talk to a functional medicine doctor. He suggested I try CBD oil. I did and oh my gosh... it was a Godsend! The second night of giving him CBD oil, he slept the entire night! No more getting up 20 times a night! He did have to start wearing Depends because he started wetting the bed, but hey... he got some much needed rest and so did everybody else. He would actually sleep a solid 14 hours! We had to wake him up for breakfast! The CBD he suggested was Elixinol 3600 cinnamint because that's the one he sold. It's expensive at around $250 but one bottle will last 6+ months. There are other CBD oils out there but a lot of them are total scams and nothing but olive oil. The only ones I know for a fact that work are Elixinol, Charlotte's Web, and Lazarus. I hope you can try it and see if it works for your husband. Maybe get the smallest bottle you can and try each one of them. Make sure you put it under his tongue and get him to hold it there for at least a minute before swallowing it, if he can. Best of luck to you. Hugs!
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StopBigPharma Oct 10, 2018
We also weaned them off of all of their meds. They were so over medicated! The only pill we kept them on was the levothyroxine for their thyroids. And gave them Vit D3 5,000, Vit K2, Magnesium Glycinate 400, B12 5,000, and a tablespoon of sauerkraut everyday.
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My GFs father was in an AL. Her parents were both in their 80s and it was getting too much caring for him with ALZ. She had health problems of her own. My GF was a juvenile diabetic and in her 50s and 60s lifelong diabetes has taken its toll. A heart attack, a lost leg and failing kidneys made it so she couldn't be there for her parents.

Mr. S did not adapt to the AL and became hard to handle. So much so, that he went on a rampage. He was throwing things, one being a desk top computer. The staff locked themselves and residents in the conference room and called police. He was taken to a Psychiatric hospital for evaluation and meds.

My daughter says that it can take about 30 days to see how a med will work. If found it doesn't and they need to try another, tack on another 30 days, Your husband needs more supervision than a regular hospital can give. You need to be firm on this.

Please, the advice your getting is good advice. At first sign he may get violent call the police. Then stand firm and tell them you will not allow him to come back into your home because u fear for your safety.

Praying that this nurse gets the ball rolling and husband will get placed somewhere. If Medicaid is needed, they will not leave you impoverished.
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Please keep us posted, She1934. I am sure your poor husband would not want you to be in this situation. Do what you need to do to keep you BOTH safe.
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I deeply appreciate all of your answers and suggestions. I had a home health nurse visit today and she contacted his PC Dr. To report what has been happening. She is, of course, a mandated reporter as well, and this will be the fourth report to Adult Protective Services. Today he is calm, but in about 3 hours his sundowning will begin again. I begin to tense up and am going to try so hard to not let things get out of control again. Thank you for caring.
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Ahmijoy Sep 7, 2018
Cannot stress enough. Call 911. Please. You can try all you want to keep things under control, but it’s a futile effort and a dangerous one. Keep your phone close and if he becomes violent, get out of the house and call the police. Please don’t stop posting. I know we’re all worried about you. ❤️
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I agree with everyone else, he needs to be seen by his doctors and probably spend some time in a geriatric psych facility. If he hurts you or you hurt yourself trying to lift and care for him he WILL end up going somewhere else to be taken care of, do yourself a favour and skip the part where you become incapacitated first.
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Maybe a social worker or medicare could help. You deserve help. He doesn't know he is hurting you.
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You’ve been dealing with this for a long while. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.

People who visit this forum forum have said that we are always quick to recommend a facility. Maybe we are, but it’s certainly warranted in this case. Your husband is a danger to himself and to you. My mother had dementia and was combative. I still have a scar on my arm from where she gouged me.

Call your local Medicaid office and see if there is any way they can help you. Failing that, during his next “crash” take him to the ER and ask to speak with their social worker. Impress upon them that he is violent and you do not feel safe in your own home. You aren’t abandoning him, you’re looking out for yourself.
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She1934 Sep 7, 2018
He spent five days in the hospital because I refused to take him home and they worked on meds, also had to give him haldol three of the five nights, yet discharged him to take home two weeks ago. The sipundowningbhas gotten progressively worse since, even though his meds seemed to work in the hospital. I do not feel safe, nor is he safe. This man I deal with 24/7 is nothing at all like the man I have been married to for 34 years.
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If he gets violent again, and you fear for your safety call the police. Once he is somewhere safe, tell the people in charge he cannot come back home because you fear for your safety. This will start the ball rolling to place him in a NH.
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I would say the meds are not working. He may need different ones. Call the doctor who prescribed them. My GFs father was put in a Psychiatric hospital until the right dose was found. You may have to do this.

My suggestion is to contact Medicaid for an appt. Take all ur financial information with you. Proof of CDs/IRAs, bank statement, etc. Basically what Medicaid will do is split your assets in a way you will be able to live. Husbands will be separated and will need to be spent down. If there is enough for private pay in a home, I would go that way and about 60/90 days before you need it, file for Medicaid. If no money, then straight to the NH once Medicaid gives the OK. Each situation is different so this is just an overview. If he has violent tendencies you could get hurt. They get very strong.
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She1934 Sep 7, 2018
We have talked at length to the social worker assigned to us, but we have too much income and are up to our eyeballs in debt that I have been steadily paying off through a debt counseling company. I have to start bankruptcy proceedings and even then, there will not be enough money to cover any facility.
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She1934, this is awful. Hopefully others will have ideas, but in the meantime just brainstorming here -- could you take him to the ER again? Could you then leave him at the hospital and refuse to take him back? Could you cite "abuse"? (Of course your husband doesn't know what he's doing and it isn't his fault, but maybe if this situation is framed as a domestic abuse victim trying to escape from an abuser....)

Have you been able to contact the doctor who prescribed the meds -- what does he suggest you do? I don't see how you can be expected to run a one-woman geriatric psychiatric ward.
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