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To the point, sis has messed my parents up before, is, and still will. NARCISSISTS are that way. I love my mom/sis / family but I Feel like im nothing to these people that are supposed to love me. I cook, mom dont like it, clean, did it wrong, I run moms errands, take her to dr, take her to church (sometimes), she tells all on earth i dont want to take her to church or anywhere, one she wakes up til 10/11 church is almost done by then, i take her all over the city! She even told me to stop treatment on my tumor to care for my sister, but in that case im now really scared so now im putting it off I LOVE Sis & gladly will take her to her appts too when i can! Mom wants me to wait on everyone else hand & foot no matter what! I have sick kids & they dont care! Autism, & Renal kidney Disease is serious! Im so sad & hurt by there lack of compassion and lack of gratirude! I do ALOT JUST SEE ME! Just love me!

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Pot of GOLD
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Eyerishlass, just follow those Leprechauns to the Pot O' God.

samara, Please understand I am not saying abandon mom, I'm saying abandon the abuse. When anyone expects you to not get treatment for a tumor, they are crossing a line in the sand and you push back, you save yourself.
If she is insulting you in church, you don't go there. It's like giving a child "time out" for bad behavior and really, you are dealing with the mind of a child.
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Can I please have a solid gold palace and a celebrity chef?
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I respectfully disagree with Samara. Cryssy2002 is seriously ill. She has a tumor that needs medical attention, and sick children. She can no longer be the one who cooks, clean and chauffeurs her mother around.
It's time to hand over the reins to somebody else.
As for expecting her mother to love her in the way she wants, that's not going to happen. She could build her mother a solid-gold palace, and hire a celebrity chef to cook for her, and mom would still demand more. That's how narcissists roll. It's them first, second,and third.
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You have to set boundaries immediately and Pam is absolutely correct. She is not recommending abandonment but taking care of yourself and your family first. You and your kiddos are your first responsibility. Do not allow anyone to treat you with rudeness and disrespect!

Call an in home health care provider, or have Mom's doc script for evaluation, to see what assistance your Mother is eligible for. It could be time for assisted living or nh.

Take care of your health first. Your children need you!
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Uh, I'm new here, but I have to disagree with pamstegman, I don't think you can jist leave a vulnerable adult (as much as you'd like to). You better contact County Social Services and wait for them to take over. I'd rhink you get arrested if you abandon the senior. I hope I not misunderstood pam-s answer.
Even if the senior (with dementia) is misbehaving, doesn't mean we misbehave. In the nursing home, I'd think they probably have ability to deal with medication to sedate this senior. Just so the staff doesn't go crazy.
But we caregivers don't have that option--when it get to be too much (and this is it as described) we must be careful to transfer caregiver duties to someone else. Probaly the county.
Or if immediate help needed, call the police, they might be able to admit to hospital.
Best Wishes you can obtain help.
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In dementia, their world gets smaller and they become more selfish. You STOP cooking as soon as she complains, excuse yourself and leave. You take her to church and if the insults start, take her directly back home and inform her you are not taking more insults. You treat your tumor and if she says you should not, you hang up the phone immediately. You put your own health first, your children next, and if they don't like it, too bad. If you stay, the abuse continues. If you leave, she will catch on and it will stop. The person closest always gets the most abuse. Stop it when it starts. Leave.
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