My mom had a stroke in November 2020. She was in the ICU for about a month and a half and she got discharged to a nursing home in NJ and has been there for 7-8 months now. Currently, my mom has made a lot of progress, she can walk by herself, eats everything they give her, no neurological problems and the last time I called, they told me that she’s currently not doing any therapy because she completed it. The problem is now, I don’t know when she’s going to get discharged. Every time I ask someone at the facility, they either give me a blunt answer saying they can’t provide me with an answer or the beat around the bush. Sometimes they even get annoyed when I ask when she’s going to get discharged. I asked a few people and they all said that it’s the doctor that discharged and nobody can discharge my mom but them. But I only spoke with the doctor once and I asked her but she wasn’t able to give me a clear answer, it was like she didn’t want to answer the question. I don’t know if her cousin spoke with her doctor and told the doctor to keep her there but the doctor purposely avoids my calls. Me and my siblings are desperately waiting for my mom to get discharged but no one is giving us an exact date or even an estimate, I don’t understand how she’s walking, eating, etc but she’s not getting discharged. The social worker had spoke with my mom and told me that she’s not able to hear her well. Could it be that my mom's voice hasn’t fully came back that’s keeping her there? I was also trying to file a complaint against her doctor with the NJ medical board since she purposely avoids my calls and don’t want to give me any information on her discharge.
I forgot to mention that she’s in long term care.
Next, since your relative that is near her is being no help, contact the New Jersey Ombudsman, explain the situation, and hopefully they can help. Here's their website: https://www.state.nj.us/ooie/
Best of luck to you & your siblings. It doesn't seem like you have any relatives near her that are actually being helpful.
Have you talked to your mother? I was able to get more information and judge her mental status when I spoke to her on the phone. I believe federal law requires that they have access to a phone, but I'm not positive.
That being said, I can completely sympathize with the never ending phone calls trying to get answers from any of the staff, including the doctor, I had called every day to find out when my mom had her recheck appointment. I found out that they never made her one & she ended up having her surgical staples in for 39 days.
My suggestion would be to try & talk to your mom on the phone to see how she is doing. If they don't return your calls, you can get in touch with your state/county ombudsman and file a complaint.
Good luck.
One of you kids is going to have to go to NJ, get an apartment or house, create a safe place for her to be discharged to.
You cannot expect your cousin to willingly open his home for someone that needs 24/7 care and hope you all show up. Besides, who wants multiple people moving in on them?
You guys are going to have to be proactive in getting there, if you are willing to assume the care needs for your mom. Because she does require 24/7 care or she would have never been approved for a NH.
Regardless of some belief that they just hold anyone for the money, that is not true, there must be a documented medical need for anyone to be admitted to a NH.
If she is well enough to live alone, she can discharge herself. So you all may be believing that she is all good and well but, that she hasn't checked herself out proves otherwise. One of you needs to make a visit and put your eyeballs on the situation before you raise a ruckus.
Or has the nursing home she is receiving rehab therapy in moved her to their long term care area of the facility?
What nursing homes normally do, is they try to keep a person in their facility even when their 'rehab days' that insurance pays for have run out. They will want to put them over to what is known as 'custodial care', 'room and board care', or 'long term care'.
This is when the person no longer is needing skilled care and rehab therapy. This also has to be paid for in cash if the person isn't on Medicaid or doesn't have an LTC insurance policy to pay.
This is why they're giving you the run around about when she can get discharged so they can run the bill up.
If you are the one authorized to make your mother's medical decisions do what I did. Inform the nursing home she's currently in when you will be removing her and for them to have the discharge papers ready. Give them a week. If they don't have it done, just go ang get her.
Your mom may have signed a paper that says that she would go by what the NH doctor decides. NH doctor would be the one that would make the discharge. Mom could leave, but then it may be considered Leaving Against Medical Advice, and insurance may not pay.
If she did get and sign this paper, it will state that she has agreed to abide by whatever the doctor decides.
It's a win for the NH, of course, because they can make more money.
Someone is going to have to come to NJ and find out what is going on. Where's Dad? There are so many factors you are dealing with here. First who is paying for Moms care? It cost approx. 10k a month to keep a person in a NH. Is private insurance paying?
Your Mom may have given cousin the ability to oversee her care. If Mom has not put you on the HIPPA paperwork, neither the Dr or staff can talk to you. Mom cannot be released, by law, if its not a "safe discharge". Meaning at this point she is 24/7 care. Someone has to be willing to care for her and have their home set up to be able to do that care.
There is a person called an Ombudsmen that oversees NHs in NJ. Here is the information.
https://www.nj.gov/ooie/contact.shtml
You will also see the number for the Health Department. They also can investigate as can APS (Adult Protection Services). Both have offices in every county. Find out the County Mom is in, look up the numbers of APS and the Health Department and call. Some Counties they are the one and the same. If they can't help, then call the State Ombubsmen.
What does your Aunt say?
Does your Aunt have POA and Health care proxy for mom? If so, the doctor CAN'T share information with you unless mom signs a HIPAA release saying that you can be given information.
Are you able to take some time and visit your mom? You might get a clearer picture of her condition in person.