My sister (who hasn't seen my mom for over 8 months), is here this weekend visiting my mother after declining my invitation (plea) to take her to her house for a month or so in order for me to relax and refresh myself. My mother has dementia and is extremely verbally abusive, sometimes violent, wanders, and for the most part an extremely negative, miserable person. I have been her sole caregiver for almost 4 years now and the condition is worsening.
My sister shows up, my mother is replaced with a nice, sweet, helpful, social, talkative, compliant, almost docile person that I haven't seen in many years! She went shopping with my sister and didn't use the wheelchair, just the walker, she let my sister do her hair, which she would be hitting me with if I tried to. She went as far as to call me "honey". My daughter and I are staring at each other with blank faces thinking, "who is this person and where is nana?"
I'm upset because I don't understand why she can't always be this way but towards me!!! Its not fair that my sister doesn't see the mom that throws things if she can't open them, or that is nasty and tells me and my little grandchildren to "shut up" constantly. She is rude and unappreciative and is now saying "thank you" to me and my sister.
I'm speechless, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, astonished, bewildered and most of all wondering. Does my mom really have dementia for the past 2 years?
Is this normal behavior for someone suffering from this disease? She is very narcissistic, since I was a child, so I'm wondering if she think's she's getting something out of this. Her supply, because she's getting attention from someone other than me. How can that be? What am I doing wrong besides being so tired of this life that I can do this 24/7 care. I'm sad for myself and that's not right. My sister is enjoying her visit with this "mom" person, but I'm having anxiety because I know as soon as she leaves, my mother will come back and be the same "mom" that I have to deal with. This is crazytown!!