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Hi, I am a 50 yr old female that lives and is the care giver for my 85 yr old mother. My health is poor and I'm afraid that if I need to go into the hospital for any length of time, my mother, who hasn't been diagnosed yet of having Alzheimer's or Dementia, would be alone especially during the night. My siblings live too far away and have jobs and spouses to come help take care of their Mom. Mom's insurance won't cover for anyone from a agency to tend to her. I am on disability and I can't afford to pay an aide or nurse at $15-25 an hour. My best friend is almost in the same situation as me and she is unable to help.

Is there any advice anyone could give me that could help me with this touchy situation? Thank you all in advance.

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Lyndee, I sympathise with how trapped you must feel, but there is an error of logic in what you're saying. Try this, just as an exercise and God forbid it should ever happen. Instead of "I am ill and need to go to hospital" imagine it was "I have dropped dead and am six feet under pushing up the daisies."

What you have is a question of priorities. Taking care of your own health needs is critical to your ongoing ability to take care of your mother, which is why it needs to rise above objections such as your mother not being keen on strangers and refusing to leave the house, or your busy siblings being unable to have her to stay for a brief time. You MUST sort out your own health care. That's the best way to avoid my flippant exercise becoming tragically real.
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Lyndee, you are in an untenable situation. Are you a paid caregiver? If not, and since you are not POA, you bear no responsibility for your mother should you have to go into the hospital. Since she hasn't been diagnosed with anything, you just tel her that you'll be unavailable due to you own health needs. Your mom and your sibs are taking shameful advantage of you.
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Lyndee, no disrespect intended, but that's just nuts. If you need to go to the hospital, you need to go to the hospital. Not getting your own medical needs attended to is the worst thing you can do, both for yourself and your care recipient.

If your siblings are too busy with their lives and jobs to help your mother, they should still be contributing something. It shouldn't all be up to you just because they have limitations. You too have limitations, and you must respect your own limitations at least as much as you respect theirs. Maybe your siblings could chip in and pay a caregiver to take care of your Mom while you're laid up. If Mom doesn't want that, tough. It can't all be about what she wants, or what your siblings want either. You need to take care of yourself first. Seriously. No kidding.
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Why on earth put your health in jeopardy? Did you know 33% of caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring? What if you are that statistic? Then what?

I bet your Mom wouldn't be living alone for the rest of her life. You siblings would come forward hire a Caregiver or put Mom into assistant living where Mom could live another 10 years. Stop spoiling your siblings by backing down.
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fregflyer I know what my siblings would tell me. They would all apologize and say that they can't help right now due to their jobs and it's the wrong season.

I will just have to work extra hard to NOT go to the hospital. If any of my doctors tell me to go there, I will have to simply say the truth that I can't go to the hospital because there won't be anyone available to stay with my Mom and take care of her.

Thank you everyone for being so kind in helping me out with this. I truly appreciate all that you have suggested and all your support.
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Lyndee, sometimes our elders no longer have a vote on what THEY want to do because it is unsafe. I know this isn't easy, but you need to tell your Mom she has no choice.... it's either having a paid Caregiver come into the home to help her or she will need to stay at a continuing care center. And Mom would need to pay for this care, not you..... many elders hang onto that wallet and refuse to open it.

As for the siblings, please note that not everyone can be a hands-on Caregiver.... and the siblings won't help because you are doing everything. Now you can call them and tell them that Mom could be alone for the next 2 or 3 weeks, what do THEY suggest?
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Thanks for putting breaks between your paragraphs! It makes the post very easy to read!

Would it be possible to have your mother evaluated for Alzheimer's?

Otherwise, it sounds like your mother is possibly in better health with more money than you are. Has she always been so narrow sighted about your feelings and needs. I mean, surely she would understand your own need for medical care.

If she does not have you, then who does she have and that will mean straight to the nursing home for her because you will no longer be healthy enough. If she can't understand that, then I wonder how healthy her mind is although her body may be healthier.

If she does have Alzheimer's and the doctor deems her incompetent, then the sibling with the POA can file for guardianship and have her placed in assisted living or in a nursing home in light of whatever medical directions the doctor gives.

Good luck and keep in touch.
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More problems. My Mom does not want strangers in her house, only people she knows. She's not comfortable with strangers having a key to get in her place either...which I can understand that.

No Chicago1954, My Mom is not on Medicaid, I am. My Mom has Aetna Medicare, my Mom's insurance will not pay for the services to which are needed if I do go into the hospital.

As for Mom going into a nursing home or a Respit she won't leave this house for no one or anything. Regardless of my feelings and wants or desires.

The only thing I can come up with is to tell my doctors that I can't go into the hospital because there is no one to take care of Momma. Hopefully all will work out okay in the end.

My three older siblings have POA, but even they can't do anything about the situation. God forbid that I would ask one of them to come home and take care of their mother until I get back!!! Their jobs, spouses, houses, friends, families mean more to them then their own mother does....which I view as sad.

Anyone else having trouble with their siblings not willing to help you or their mother?
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If your mom is on medicaid, could she go to a nursing home, for that period of time? I would call and ask.
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One suggestion is to contact your local Agency on Aging to see what they would recommend. Go to the link below.... click on your State.... then click on your County.

https://www.agingcare.com/local/Area-Agency-on-Aging
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