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& what kind of docs? With no trustworthy family members to rely on in the case of my own mental disability, After caring for my Dad who passed a few months ago at age 93, I'm now looking at my own future. My brother and his family deeply resent me for offering my home to Dad in his last years because they wanted access to his money before he died. Dad agreed with me to set up a trust so his money went for his care during those years, which it did. When he died, all Dad's funds were split 50/50 between my brother and me, as Dad intended. My brother and his family won't speak to me now. I don't anticipate this schism or my brother's resentment will ever change. I'm 59 and looking at my own potential future and feeling vulnerable. I am unmarried & have no children, no other relatives other than my brother and his family who I can't trust. I set up a Medical POA with a good friend but haven't known her long enough to be able to 100% trust she would never be tempted to take my savings; something that is possible with DPOAs. I've seen a CPA (who works in a small firm) who recommends setting up a revocable trust with himself in charge of the $ and my friend in charge of my physical needs. I was told by an attorney, not part of his office, that I didn't need a trust - only a DPOA for financial decisions in the event of my incapacitation and a Medical POA. Here are my questions: (1) Would be it safer to list as my DPOA the CPA or the firm he belongs to? I'm thinking that if he retires in a few years, if I had appointed him personally as my DPOA and not his firm, I might have a problem. Also, I would hope I could trust a firm over an individual CPA. He seems trustworthy, but you never know. (2) This CPA offered the use of an attorney who he usually deals with to write up all the necessary documents. Is this a conflict of interest and might this put me at risk? (3) I don't want to lose ownership of my home which I understand would happen if I put the house in the trust - it would belong then to the trust. I am concerned now only of protecting myself from the possibility of my brother going to court and claiming guardianship of me if I were incapacitated - or the court choosing him as my guardian given that he is the closest relative. This would be disasterous for me. My brother would take all my assets and leave me without anything. He would have done that to our father if given the opportunity. (4) What kind of documents do I actually need to have in place? Would a DPOA and medical POA suffice or would it be better to establish a Living Trust and separate medical POA, given that my home would not be part of the trust? My understanding of trusts is that these docs are set in place to help prevent probate. At my age, I'm not so worried about what happens to my assets after I die. I have a will already so am just trying to get documentation established to prevent my brother or any of his family from getting guardianship of me if I cannot answer for myself, either by going to court or being assigned my guardian by a court by default. I live in Texas. Does anyone know of someone who had to rely on non-family for POAs? I would like to know what they decided and how that has worked for them. Thanks in advance for anyone's thoughts and sorry for all the questions. It is a complicated matter that I just don't want to make a mistake on.

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Be very leery of someone who offers their services to take care of your finances via POA AND then offers the service of an Attorney who HE USES to write up the legal documents!

This should be a major RED FLAG as a call from a person claiming whatever and they need your SS#, Bank acct# or emails from Nigeria where the person claims they have millions but they need your help by sending them $$ so they can get their millions.

NOT EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD IS TRUST WORTHY; EVEN CPAs, ATTORNEYS AND BANKERS! ONE CAN INCLUDE FAMILY MEMBERS TOO.

Think about it. Why is a CPA offering to handle your finances using a POA and an Attorney HE HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH TO HANDLE THE DOCS?

Example with family.
My great Aunt was a multi millionaire. She and my Uncle never had children. She did have like 7 brothers, 1 sister my Grandmother.

My great-grandmother (her Mother) youngest child is about 1 yr older than my Father.

Now her youngest brother and his wife were given guardianship/conservator over her/estate. Now this was her brother! He and his wife charged her estate for every visit to her no matter how long their visit. They could just walk in the door, turn around and walk out the door, charge her estate $500 per.

They removed very valuable pieces from her house and gave to their children while my great-Aunt was still alive. Once she died, if any family member wanted pieces of the estate, they had to buy them.

This brother, sister-in-law made over a million $$ for themselves by doing exactly what your CPA is wanting you to do.

I have siblings who are just waiting for our Mother to die; she has dementia. I finally had to report Adult Protective Services as my 1 sibling has already committed fraud, twice convincing Mom to sign a few legal documents.

I'm waiting for APS to make their surprise visit to see the horrid living conditions including bed bug infestation that they actually come out all day long!

If APS deems Mom cannot handle her affairs etc, they will take over immediately as guardian/conservator until they can find a family member to do this or have the court appoint a 3rd party.

I have always taken care of Mom until December 2016 when Mom had to be placed in the hospital. My older sibling CONVENIENTLY LOST ALL OF MOM'S LEGAL DOCUMENTS.

#1 sibling is a recovering addict, #3 is a currently on probation/prison for a white collar felony and #4 really doesn't want to get involved unless he absolutely has to.

Mom gave me all authority over everything if she lost her ability to 1) take care of herself and medically 2) all of her finances etc too and after her death. Why? She chose me because she told me she could trust me to do exactly what needed to be done. That I had always been there for her and she couldn't nor did she trust the other 3.

I have asked APS to go through the Court to have me appointed guardian/conservator so my siblings cannot argue or contest. #1 convinced her I was already trying to go to Court to do this.

I would never ever consider charging the estate for my job as a daughter to protect her from the others.

I will be required to report EVERY dollar spent from her money!! So why would I ever want to do anything that my Mom entrusted to me?

Make sure that whomever you name that the Court will require a Bond (insurance) so should they commit fraud, they will be arrested and the Bond will protect your estate.

You can even ask the Court to assign a professional, vetted and certified by the Court 3rd party to take care of everything for you.

Hope this helps and get an Attorney YOU trust, but even require the Bond for your Attorney should he/she takes care of your estate too.
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CaregivingNYC: Selling items on EBay is not all that, e.g. you're not going to get the $ that you think you will.
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CaregivingNYC, Yes, you can write a letter and give it to that person, but are you sure the brother will actually honor it? You don't know that the brother won't override it and decide to do his own thing. I've heard nightmare stories where an executor is dishonest and won't deliver property to heirs. Another thing that could happen is the item could get lost or stolen or mistakenly given to someone else other than who you said, but worse yet, someone else may see it and take it for themselves
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RareFind, that is great advice. I think that giving away valuable possessions while one is still alive is a great idea. You get to experience the joy of giving it away and make sure that the gift is given to the proper person. Or, one can write a letter to that person telling them that you intend to leave the possession to them when you pass and telling them to claim it.
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You may not realize this, but you can change your will anytime. What you could do regarding your assets is perhaps consider selling them online. You can sell stuff on eBay. Another thing you could do is go ahead and get those assets to whoever you originally willed them to and rest assured your brother won't get those assets. These are just some considerations I thought of. Just go through your house and whatever you were originally wanting to give away through your will, you can just go ahead and do it now if it's absolutely valuable. You can also liquidate by selling off stuff
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I am sorry to hear that brother is one without a heart nor soul. Perhaps he will change by God's grace, I beg.
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Hello Radiator81, I know how you feel. Yes, there are some good things sometimes about being single but without any family you can trust, it is very hard. With the suggestions of all these lovely people as well as some free advice I have gotten from an attorney service I subscribe to, I'm starting to feel that I understand what will be necessary. Trusts sound like the way to go -- since banks don't always recognized POAs, as I discovered when taking care of my Dad, but DPOA and Med POA seem to also be necessary to ward off the court determining appointing a guardian. From what I've read, you don't want to be in a position where someone is your guardian because there is no way of regaining control over your life and effecting your own decisions again. When you think of putting your life in the hands of someone else, it is pretty daunting, to say the least, especially when you've experienced a lot of betrayal from different folks in your life. I've learned that it is possible to set up a "Declaration of Guardianship" to try to prevent a court from just appointing someone you don't know as well as preventing a court from selecting certain individuals you don't trust. Along with the trust, the DPOA and Med POA, this seems like a good document to include. This might run into some $, but if it keeps me from physical and financial disaster down the road, it is well worth every penny.
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My friend had to hire a fiduciary for her sister. She didn't want issues, so she has to ask fiduciary for extra funds, and he bills her accordingly...While you can, do your homework. Go to a bank, I'm naming usb. Financial. Look around, ask people you know. Yelp corporations, ask health advisors, hospital, your cpa... Etc.
Find someone you can talk with, and trust.....
Find someone you trust...Do you want both poa for health and wealth?
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Catmusician,

Your situation sounds similar. I have divorced my sibs after what I went through with my mom 2 years ago and still dealing with issues. It as what motivated me to get my will done and make sure they had no part in it.

I have 2 long time friends as my POA, but really wished I had someone younger and maybe a bit more motivated. I have a difficult time even getting together with them as they have families and I too am not married or with children. I would prefer to have an agency but they charge way too much money. My attorney gave me a name of a group, but costs were ridiculous. I will stick with my friends at this point and hope if something happens to me, they will follow through.The main friend told me he needed another copy of will, which makes me think he has misplaced it.

The other friend has such bad memory issues that who knows where this will go! I am thinking of adding a third colleague as I think she might be better than the other 2 put together, if she is willing. What a pain. I hope you get the issues resolved. When you are single, there are advantages, but in times like this, you feel very alone. I do anyhow!
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Neat lady who did Video! Love the idea. Worked in Hospice as a Nurse for years and she really gets what needs to be done...Bravo to you
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Moonflower, have you tried legal aid? Do they have any lawyers? Another thing I would try is to consult with the APS to see how they may be able to guide you because they would most likely have some valuable information you might not even know about. This is at very least worth a try
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I have spent the better part of today searching for Elder Law attorneys, and pro bono as well....not encouraging. Does anyone have any experience with say generic New York State DPOA forms from online source?
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My husband and I have a living trust, and we were the trustees. (Our grown kids are the successor trustees, and they get along and are all successful business-savvy people.) Having property in the trust has not been a problem, didn't interfere with any thing we needed to do. It made it much easier after he died 12 years ago; I sold the house with no problems and am in the process of selling our business property. The trust owns it, but you control the trust. You do need to name a successor trustee, which could be a trusted friend, a professional administrator or elder care professional guardian (there are such things, bonded and regulated), even a nonprofit charity that you care about (most charities and churches have departments that handle this; I was a church treasurer at one time and one of our members had us named as successor trustee, and I and our board dealt with the estate after the parents and unmarried son passed).
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I am in same situation. In California we have the Professional Fiduciary Association of California.
These fiduciaries are licensed and bonded. I have a trust - this is most important because it is the only way someone else can handle your affairs if you are incapacitated (even a spouse would have to go to court to get guardianship if the other spouse had dementia, etc.) I have Power of Attorney and Medical Power of attorney. My trust even covers my pets (as 3 are long living parrots).
The fiduciary will take over if I am unable according to the terms of the trust. My lawyer , banks, etc. all have a copy of the trust. All assets are held by the trust.
The few cousins I have left live in other states and I would never let them handle my affairs anyway.
Trust stipulates my current choice of fiduciaries and if she is unable to serve another member of PFAC will be chosen.
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I was made DPOA for two friends of mine in 2013, both financial and medical, due to the wife's dementia and husband's forgetfulness. I had been friends with them for over 40 years. They had no children or close relatives. We belonged to the same religion and worshipped together and vacationed together. The wife's 2nd cousin was made 2nd POA and another friend the 3rd POA. I was immediately added to their bank accounts so I could take over for them as they became less able to manage their finances. I monitored their spending on-line for a while and then began looking at assisted living places to see what they were like and how much they cost. I found one that had memory care apartments large enough for a married couple and eventually was able to convince them to go since the wife's dementia was progressing rapidly and she needed 24 hour care. It's been a learning experience for me but I have gotten good answers and guidance along the way. That we belonged to the same religion with high standards of honesty and caring was important and it has worked out well. I make the decisions for the most part, but keep the other 2 POAs informed of things. I am now tasked with emptying out their condo, fixing it up and then selling it. It's like another job. I am retired, too, and there is no immediate deadline to do this, but I have to keep at it and not slack off too much. There are distant relatives I can send the old family photos to and some items that will sell. I am still trying to figure out what to do with everything else. If you belong to a faith based community or church, I would be talking with the minister for ideas. If they care about their members and the growing needs of our aging population, they should be exploring ways to support them, IMO.
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Regarding naming an individual or a firm as DPOA, I don't know if you can name a firm--may have to be an individual.
In my experience, my sister was POA for her husband, who was paralyzed. Her elder law/estate planning attorney prepared a document that transferred that POA to me in the event of her death, which happened before his. I had some push-back sometimes when I would present these documents, but once their legal dept would review them, they were always accepted.
I know this sounds like it would just require you to name more people that you already don't have; but my point is that you need an attorney who specializes in your needs. He or she should be able to tell you what to do; but more important, explain to you WHY, so you understand and are comfortable with the decision.
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Catmusician,
You may want to look for an attorney that specializes in estate planning or elder law. They are generally much more knowledgable about your needs than your local lawyers who handle lots of other kinds of cases.
I would not buy annuities. That doesn't solve your problem at all--just puts your funds into another place where maybe you can't get them if you need them.
Perhaps an elder law or estate planning attorney could set up a plan where your friend who you've entrusted with your health care decisions could also be in charge of your financials but be under the supervision of another person--like your CPA or attorney.
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cat, last month a wise member with the handle 'ruthieruth' posted her approach, and since I'm on my own too I copied it for future reference! I had no idea how to bookmark it, nor how to point you to it now. So I'll paste a copy here, feeling that it's okay to repost someone else's words to the same discussion site...

ruthieruth on AgingCare.com
July 2016

I am in a similar situation. I don't have Alz but have memory issues and lots and lots of physical disabilities. What I did is made a Will and Advanced Directive and an Alzhiemer advanced directive...even if it's not "legal" in my state, it covers a lot of the "wants" and I attached it to my advanced directive that is legal. It lets my wishes be known. I also completed the Compassion and Choices paperwork in a way that suits my preferences, regarding Right to Die. I think, whether Pro or Con, it's important to state MY WISHES, because sometimes doctors get funky and try to play God with insurance, and dole out care based on what they think is covered, VS what is actually covered, and what a person wants. So i got very specific and wrote it down. I also made a video explaining everything.
I made a different video for my caregivers..This is how i like my hair brushed, This is what i like to eat. Like a series of training videos.
These are the topics i covered:
Food and diet
Medications (I take this one with food. I know the doc said this, I do it like this....)
Groceries
Shopping
Clothes and Laundry
Passwords and Financial Accounts (I also dictated permission to my bank to let the person who is pay on death have permission to close the account even if some of the paperwork was not exactly correct...etc. Don't know if this will work, but i explained it.I have filled out a financial POA....)
I did a video of explaining what i do for fun, a bit of my family history,
etc..all of the things a person would need to know to care for me is on video.
What kind of toothpaste i use....etc etc etc.
mentioned the video in my ADvanced directives.
I also made a video that explained, for instance, when my friend had a stroke and needed a feeding tube, I don't want that. that i am OK with this treatment in this situation etc...as many as i can think of, and my reasons why.
It might sound kind of creepy, and I didn't do it all at once, but once i got it done, i felt really at peace, like I could stay in the present minute and not worry too much about the future.
I also sold a LOT of my stuff. Took pictures of it, but simplified. Saves on caregiving costs.
in terms of the actual person to name on the DPOA, i started hanging out on some of these websites where young millennials hang out and watched for the smart ones, that I basicaily agreed with, who don't back down easy, and are good advocates. Finally asked one or two of them to be a final advocate for me, and to watch my videos. Introduced these people to my friends, and doctors, had them fingerprinted, and referenced. I mean, what the heck. Didn't know my first grade teacher either. Leap of faith.
I talk to my doctors A LOT.
And yes, my attorney.
Hope I go in my sleep, quietly and peacefully, like my grandpa did. Not kicking and screaming like the folks in the backseat of his car......:) good luck to you.
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Hi I'm in Texas too. I understand your delima because im in a similar situation. I think you should talk to an attorney about a trust. If your home is in the trust and your in control of the trust, then im not sure that you have anything to worry about. I see several trying to talj you into an annuity. Dont go that way. An annuity is an investment into an insurance company and if that insurance company goes broke rhen your annuity and money is gone. You do eant to make sure to be set up to be able to steer clear of a court appointed guardian as ive heard horror stories about them robbing people blind, just like what you are concerned your brother will do. Do you have a cousin that you could depend on? I would be lery of giving any power to an unknown person or company. You need an elder law attorney to talk to. I know some in the Ft Worth area and one in the Sugarland area. Do you live close to either city in TX?
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I forgot to mention about your assets and possible options. What you can do if your state has this option available is to set up a transfer on death of your home in probate. Choose who you want to have your home when you're gone, and set up a transfer on death to that specific person. I think you would much rather have everything properly transferred rather than to have the state take it all when they don't really need the money as much as the average person. What you can also do is set up automatic online bill pay for your regular mandatory bills, but set it up from your end where companies cannot come in and just clean you out. Don't let anyone have access to your bank account, set up your bill pay from your end, and if any future companies such as TV service places demand access to your bank account, don't do business with them. Just hang up to send a strong message. If you let them come in and get the money, you don't know that they'll be honest because some of them will double dip, which is why I said don't let anyone have access to your bank account. You can prepare now by just going ahead and setting up automatic online bill pay where you don't even have to logon for your bills to get paid. All you need is a copy of each of your bills that contains account information such as account numbers and amounts as well as the creditors name and address along with the phone number. You set up each account individually. Afterword everything comes out automatically since the bank is the one who will send out your bills for you and they will pay them out of your account. The bank should be the only person besides you to have access.

As for the DPOA, this is something you're going to have to speak to an elder care attorney over. Choose a good attorney who specializes in this specific area. Chances are you may be given a court appointed DPOA or even a guardian if they see fit and decide you need one. If you have a very small social circle like I do, finding someone trustworthy can be hard if you don't know hardly anyone. This is why it would be a good idea to expand your social circle now by going to community centers and other public places and try socializing to meet new people. This will take time as you get to know more and more people. I started socializing just a little more this summer because of a discrimination situation I faced last year. I was targeted because I was alone, and this is why I now feel safer where there are other people and not so much off by myself. There is power in numbers. Be very wary if you spend too much time alone and the wrong people happen to notice and target you. Don't isolate yourself too much, this leaves you sitting duck if someone decides to target you for some reason or another. Definitely make yourself available and just start socializing a little more than usual but don't come on too strong. A passing hello or small talk with others around you if you're sitting around other people will be beneficial to you in the long run should something come up, and you actually need moral support for some reason. Sooner or later you'll probably find the right person you feel you can trust to be your DPOA. Another type of person you need to consider finding is an executor for your estate when you're gone. Definitely start socializing now while you have a chance, this will pay off later.
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Try going the the Association of Daily Money Managers or Aging Life Care professionals websites in your area. I own and IKOR office. Our company is going in the US. We do this exact work the right way with insurance.
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When my foster dad developed dementia, I was willing to do as much as I could for him but I lacked certain skills and resources to be able to successfully follow through. What ended up happening since he had no bio family left, three different people ended up reporting certain things to the APS. What ended up happening after word is at some point, the first thing that was noticed is there was a block on dad's account but neither of us knew what happened because I was joint owner on the account. I was helping him keep food in the house as well as making sure the bills were paid through online auto bill pay. Everything we were both doing was very successful. However, there came a time where he was getting pretty bad off and I was in no position to be able to know what to do for him in this particular type of stage. There came a day when the APS unexpectedly showed up at his door and moved him out of the clear blue. He was living in a slum that was falling down around him, so he had to be moved for his own safety and well-being. Shortly after being moved to the new place, he was hospitalized for some kind of respiratory issue, he previously had pneumonia earlier that year. Anyway, he was re-hospitalized and then before I knew it, he was readmitted before being unexpectedly admitted to a nursing home and put it in the Alzheimer's wing. I really didn't know what actually happened until sometime later down the road. At some point, I eventually found out dad was given a court appointed guardian, something neither of us saw coming. She happens to be a lawyer in our town, and also the prosecutor's daughter. She seemed nice as long as I was giving her the information she was seeking because I think she wanted to learn more about dad and the relationship in general. What I didn't see coming is that she would stop all contact with me right away after she got all that she needed. What made matters worse is when she restricted me from ever seeing him again. I don't know why she would've done this when he needed me the most. I was the closest person he had and she had to cut it off. Anyway, God saw what happened and he's going to get her sometime. Yes, God's going to get her for this! I had no problem with her being the guardian since she had skills and resources I lacked. What I had a problem with is her interfering and cutting off and severing our relationship that she had no business doing, this is exactly why I said God's going to get her for this.
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