Who I should be seeing: psychologist vs therapist vs mental health counselor?

Find a caregiver support group. Start by contacting your local Area Agency on Aging for possible leads.

Sorry, Maren, what is this? :

"or B) Ask his family for help [but they all live in Utah. I can't ask other people to put their lives on hold for something that is essentially our responsibility]. " And from memory, didn't you also say that the extended family has already offered to help?

That sounds a lot like it is YOU who is preventing their moving back to Utah. Why are you?

Taking care of these two is beyond the capacity of just you and your husband while one of you needs to work full time. What is your problem with allowing the responsibility to pass to other members of their family?

Therapist. In most circumstances, psychiatrist is for medication. Look for LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Your health insurance will pay for a certain number of visits.

I went through the same thing for about eight years helping care for and living with my in laws. They were very nice folks but the stress of living like that took its toll. I ended up in family therapy for myself for the last two years we were with them. They passed away. The therapist gave me a safe place to talk it out along with things I could do for myself. My husband only went once so I kept going for myself. It really worked! I went on to do some wonderful things with my life and have the admiration of my husband. Listening to others in the same spot made me realize that the reaction is quite normal and common.

Why don't you try Facebook as a diversion & give you some relaxing time with others? I find it quite restful & it is interesting to get others opinions on things.

Marren, I see a lot of myself in you. Feeling that his parents are your responsibility, but Sweetie, they are not! Your young, and Way too young to be taking on such a heavy load! Kriminny, your still a kid, and should be persuing a career, having babies of your own, enjoying friendships, investing in your new marriage!

Some caregivers grow up, seeing previous generations care for elders at home, but times have changed, and you need to change with the times!

Your husband's parents have had a bad turn with their health, and why is that? Did they not take good care of their health in their younger years? I believe that you said your husband is an only child, maybe adopted, and it seems his Mom and Dad have put unrealistic expectations on both your lives! Let me ask you, where are your own parents? Do they feel left out of your life, because you are too busy, caring for his parents? Don't let resentments build!

Perhaps initially, when you first moved up to Alaska, the intent was that you all live together in some form of financial arrangement, but their health got in the way of them being active participants in the general upkeep of the family home, and their finding friends and enjoying their own lives, somewhat separate from yours.

But the time is NOW, you and your husband Must come together to realize that this situation is NOT GOING TO WORK OUT IN THE LONG TERM!

Hubby needs to get on board, go to Marriage counseling, and back you up, if you Ever want to go on, and have a happy and healthy married life together....ALONE!

Go to counselling together, Alone too, if that helps you. But begin your research on finding his parents Low income housing, disabled housing, or Nursing home care, if they are truly in such poor health.

Living separate does not mean that he is abandoning his folks, and once settled, they will begin to find their new normal, JUST AS YOU WILL!

Wouldn't it be great, if you could go to work, find new friends, and see your inlaws on your terms, Enjoying their company, taking them out for the afternoon, dinner, the movies, or just a short visit, to bring them treats?

Do you really think, you can care for a baby, and toddler, while ferrying around your inlaws to their Dr's appointments and treatment? No Sweetie, you won't be able to manage that! There simple is not enough hands, and then you will really Crack under the pressures!

Please do not shortchange your life! You deserve to be happy! Your inlaws once had those same opportunities, and I'll bet if you ask them, they will remember them with joy! You deserve that same Joy!

Time to put YOU and YOUR husband FIRST!

THEN FIND THE SOLUTION! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Heck Love, I need to listen to my own advice, so I know it's not easy! Try fast forwarding til they are in their late 80's, and you still haven't had a chance to live! I at least had that chance! Time to get busy!

It's one thing caring for your own parents, it's quite another when it is your husbands parents. Firstly, caregiving is very stressful even when it's just one person, I cannot imagine having 2!!!!!! I agree that there should be a heart to heart with your husband, the mere fact that he doesn't want to hear you venting at the end of the day when it's HIS parents is just wrong. I would explain to him that this is taking a toll on your mental/physical health and you need outside help. You should not feel obligated to risk your own mental well being for his parents. I take care of my mother with dementia and she lives with my husband and I and believe me, there are days I have meltdowns! But........ she is MY mother and she chose me to be the one out of my other siblings to care for her. Yes, my husband does not want to hear my venting at the end of the day either but I always thought it was because she is not HIS mother. Is it just because men just don't want to be bothered? Is this why the care typically ends up being the females job? I found a caregivers support group close by that I was thinking of attending because I would love to talk to other people that can relate to what our daily lives are like and hopefully get some good insight from others that have experienced the same situations. I figure that's a lot cheaper than going to a therapist! That way, there is also more than one perspective and hopefully different ways of coping. This should not all fall upon you however, you need to speak up to your husband. It takes a large toll on our physical and mental health being a sole caregiver.

You should see your doctor first, then tell your husband that you are done taking care of anyone but yourself. Should you see a psychologist, therapist, or counselor is the question first asked. I would look into seeing a licensed counselor at your local county counseling agency.

Marren listen to why is being told to you. I am having a hard time on some days taking care of my mom and she is easier than most parents. I would think it would be harder with two especially not your own parents. Finding this website and some new friends on it has helped me a lot. We all need to be heard.you need to take time for yourself or you will be the one needing care and then what will your husband do?

See what services are available in ur area. Someone just giving Mom a bath is a big help. Maybe an aide a few hours a day to give u time to yourself. Parents should have SS to set off cost. Sometimes Medicaid will evaluate and tell u if they qualify for anything.

I've started going to one, but I don't think she has experience with care giving, and I think it's important that they KNOW what is going on in your life. The counselor I am seeing is about twenty six and certainly never had to look after an older person.
I also think that any counselor you see needs to also see your husband to let him know what this is doing to you. He needs to hire some respite care, if nothing else.

Bite the bullet, get them in nursing facilities, spend down their assets to zero, and then get them on Medicaid. 40 per cent of all caregivers suffer from depression. It is normal for caregivers to become mentally ill due to the high emotional stress associated with caregiving. Yes, start with PMP, get referral, and get on treatment ASAP.

With regards to therapists, it shouldn't matter if they've been down your particular road. Dealing with situations that are insoluable are just that; situations in which there are only "better than terrible" solutions. A skilled therapist doesn't need to have been in a bad marriage, had children, or had elderly parents in order to treat you.

It's about the technique, not about the experience of the therapist. If you say "this is insoluable" and the therapist says "no, it's not", you need to listen to what s/he is saying.

Many years ago, in the middle of a dreadful marriage, my ex's great aunt ruined a very expensive (to us) pot; it was black on the inside and she scrubbed it down to the silver. My ex was livid; somehow, it was all my fault. My therapist said "Barbara, it's a pot; you buy a new pot; it's NOT about the pot". I argued with her that she didn't "get" that it was expensive to us, probably not to her.

In restropect, it was NOT about the pot; it was about his great aunt's passive aggressive behavior and his personality disorder which allowed him to blame EVERYTHING on me. Was it about the pot? No! It was about the dynamics.

Try talking to a mature woman at your church.

I am not preventing their move back to Utah. We've told her numerous times if she wants to move, then move! She can be a snow bird [live in Alaska for the summer and move to Utah in the winter] but she won't do it without us. She is too dependent on me now since I've been with her for awhile and know exactly how she wants things done.

Talking to mature women at church won't really help because they'll tell me the same thing ALL older, Samoan women tell me: "These are your blessings. I know it's hard but you'll receive blah blah blah because you fulfilled your responsibility towards them." I HATE when people tell me that. It takes every ounce of self control to not roll my eyes.

I'm getting help. My husband has offered to do everything everyone has suggested: put them in a home, hire someone to come here, go part time at his job and stay home with me to help take care of them, and quit his job while I go out and find a job. But they don't sit right with me. I won't be able to face them if we ever did put them in a home. I don't want my husband to resent me in the long run. There's just too many things that won't sit right with me. But we are getting help. There is a distant relative that live near us that has offered help to us numerous times but I've refused because I don't want to impose on anyone's life to make my life a little easier.

Thank you all for your input. It's helped a lot to be able to just vent..and get some sympathy from people in the same position as my husband and I.

God bless you all!