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I’m asking to help a friend. He has been trying to care for his father in his father's home but his out-of-state sister is trying to call all the shots and prevent the children from seeing and caring for their father. I don’t know if any formal papers have been filed. Unfortunately, my friend cannot afford a lawyer.

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Your friend is focused on the wrong rights.

The only rights that matter are those of the elderly gentleman. If it is in his best interests to be cared for in his home primarily by his son, then your friend needs to demonstrate that. If the out of state sister has grounds to be concerned that this is not in the gentleman's best interests, then your friend should take the sister's concerns seriously and address them.

Would you like to say more about what is actually going on?
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Children trump siblings unless the dad has paperwork filed naming the sibling as financial and medical POA.

Unless the aunt can produce such paperwork, he needs to politely tell the aunt to back off. It's hard enough to care for someone without having a bossy back seat driver.

Now I am going to play devils advocate....why is the aunt jumping in? Has something happened? Why does she feel her brother is not being cared for properly by his children? Do the children have a history of taking advantage of their dad? More detail would be helpful if you have it...
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JoAnn29 Feb 2023
There are just some siblings that think they trump children. That they have a right to voice their opinion. I had an Aunt like that. She always knew best.
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If Dad’s sister (poster’s aunt) is out of state, just how is she trying to “call the shots”? How does she think she is able to “prevent the children from seeing and caring for their father”? What can she actually DO, besides phone and make a nuisance of herself? Could you provide a bit more information?

Things for you (or friend) to do:
1) If Dad is legally competent, he needs to give you (or two of his kids) a POA, so that legally they are in charge if his health deteriorates. You can down load the forms from the net in most places, and there should be instructions.
2) Check that all the other paperwork is in place. The ‘living will’ for what he wants and doesn’t want in an emergency or when he is very ill. A normal will that does NOT make his sister the executor.
3) Find if there is a Community Legal Service within reach that will give basic legal advice free. Or just a lawyer who gives a free first consultation. If you have done the spade work in advance, having it checked at a free meeting will give you a lot of confidence.
4) Read through the (free) resources on this site. Click on ‘Care Topics’ at the top right of the screen, then on W for Wills and P for Power of Attorney. You will find many more topics that will help you to get up to speed on the many many things to learn about the mechanics of care options.
5) When you are on top of all of this, blind your aunt with your superior knowledge. Tell her that her ideas are of course welcome, and please could she put them in writing in detail, so that you can all consider all her ideas together.
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Without any formal paperwork, the children, being the "next of kin" would have more rights to his care, it seems to me.
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In the state of California the next of kin is decided as follows per my attorney:
Surviving spouse or registered domestic partner
Children
Grandchildren
Parents
Siblings
Nieces and Nephews
Grandparents
Aunts or uncles
Cousins
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JoAnn29 Feb 2023
Think its funny that parents come before siblings.
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I can’t believe folks are fighting over the right to CAREGIVE! Let those who want to do so - and monitor for safety & wellbeing!
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I would say the children Because often times the Parent Leaves everything to the children and Not a sibling . Your friend Can go to Elder services and get help requesting that Auntie bug Out - Go In front of a judge and get Guardianship . or speak with the Lawyer of the day at Court and get help filling Out papers for Guardianship .
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Does the father have dementia? The son should take the Dad to doctor, and ask the doctor for a social service consult; the social worker can likely get emergency guardianship.
However, I think it unlikely that the sister will come from out of state and apply for guadianship of a man who is in the care of his son. She would not win. The nuclear immediate family has precedence in this country barring any allegations of abuse.
It is, in this case, crucial that the son is appointed guardian or conservator if the father is incompetent. He cannot otherwise protect and use the father's funds for his care. So an attorney is a MUST and would likely not cost more than one month of this gentleman's social security. There is some pro bono attorney work being done also. Check at senior centers, local councils on aging, APS to try to get some guidance on how to proceed. This father's funds are going from SS into an account. How is that son accessing for shared costs of living, and etc.?
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There is Legal Aid, they charge by scale.

It all comes down to who has POA. If no one, then sister has no say.

She has POA...a lot involved here. Is her POA Immediate or Springing where a doctor or two needs to declare the person incompetent to make informed decisions to make it effective. With Immediate, its effective upon signing but I feel if person is competent, they still make their own decisions until they can't.

I feel if you have to show a bank, other financial institutions, Doctors, and Hospitals that you hold POA then you should prove it to siblings if they are not aware one was written up. Its just so easy to say "Here is the POA". I feel when someone won't prove it, they really don't have one.

If sister is POA and Dad is competent, he can h hers revoked and the son assigned.

"A sibling with power of attorney typically cannot prevent other siblings from seeing a parent. Certain circumstances may prevent a sibling from seeing a parent such as a court preventing visitation.May 19, 2021"

For a POA to be able to prevent a child or sibling from seeing a parent or other sibling the POA needs to show just cause. The cause could be that they upset the person. The parent or sibling does not want to see that person. The person makes trouble at the facility every time they are there. Because of problems between siblings and one holding POA, they really can't do anything.

I too wonder why if Sister lives out of state how can she ban a sibling that lives close by.
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Dee4j13: In answer to your two questions: "Who has more rights to the care of an elderly person?, The person's children or the person's siblings?" - Typically it is the elder's adult children who provide the care for the elder. The elder's siblings are no doubt elderly themselves and may not be in any physical or emotional shape to perform a caregiving role, albeit their own sibling.
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