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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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A neurologist and/or geriatric psychiatrist. There are medications that can calm the paranoia, anxiety, aggression, etc. You will read that medication won't reverse the decline, which is true, but it can make a huge difference in getting the negative behavior under control. This is important for both your safety and theirs. Don't wait. If the acting out becomes unsafe for either of you, don't hesitate to call 911.
Start with the doctor. Video is helpful to show the doctor. Medications can help. Expect the medications to increase in dosage as the dementia gets worse. Call 911 if an unsafe situation presents itself. Installing cameras can help you keep an eye on everything. It’s not easy for everyone involved. Take time out to enjoy your life so you will feel happy.
Paranoia is part of dementia. My Mom (96) was getting it occasionally. She was also having other symptoms, like depression. Her primary doc put her on the lowest dose of Lexapro and it helped her a lot.
When I wasn't able to distract or redirect my Mom's paranoia, I would pretend I was getting an importan phone call and I'd just walk out of the room and not return for a while.
Also, educate yourself on best strategies when interacting with LOs who have dementia. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube.
I mention many times TEEPA SNOW. I took her webinars years ago - for about 1-1/2 years. Thank you for mentioning.
And this book (which I mentioned above) : The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss - Johns Hopkins Press Health Book.
Dementia on top of narcissistic personality disorder is brutal. Doctors must be advised as to what is happening....trust me, they have seen this combination. My Mom calmed down quite a bit when put on Seroquel. Before that, she would verbally and physically attack her aides. Drinking alcohol along with meds always a game of Russian roulette. I'm sorry that many of us have lived with varying degrees of family dysfunction coupled with dementia. If you are not in charge..do what you can..you may even have to report this, but step out and away as soon as and whenever you can.
There are appropriate meds but you have to get them to go to seek medical attention and they have to take the meds. My mom told her doctor "my daughter thinks there is something wrong with me". (denial). She is just trying to get me on pills. (paranoia of heavy meds). No mom try some supplements, D3, Vit B complex, light therapy. She refused everything. And I don't know what meds can take care of malignant narcissism because that was the real life long problem and it got worse with age (became far worse in her 90's. She is now 99 and when she turns 100 I don't what she will turn into.) Older sister now 78 also a narc. Only got worse with age. (heavy drinking with psych meds no one can stand her now she accelerated faster than my mother due to self abuse.). Sister has POA and younger narc is neglecting older narc. Because their is a huge pile of money involved. They trashed me and now I just sit from afar to watch them destroy themselves. What crumbs we had left of any family order is completely trashed and burned. And they planned and executed their plan. I expect they will die alone.
You may find that managing for a combative and out of control person with dementia isn't sustainable. I would start with the Doctor and find out if there is proper diagnosis and medication. From there you may need to begin to think about placement.
I am afraid "acts out" isn't descriptive enough for me to go any farther, but I encourage you to stay on the forum and read the columns; I know you will come to many situation that mirror your situation and help you form thoughts enough to tell us exactly what is happening. From there we can let you know how to proceed from our own perspective.
Contact your local elder care group for help. My loved one tried an alzheimers medication. It didn't help. He is young, at age 64, he has a diagnosis of vascular dementia. He takes no medication to alter his mental state at this time. He wants to function as long as possible. He would get upset when I was talking to various social workers about placement. When we took the necessary steps with the hospital, his doctors, and the social workers, he got scared. Generally, he understood what was happening, and he stayed involved. Then he called me an a..hole. Unfortunately, I told him he was the same. Afterwards, I explained to him that I could only do so much that I wasn't trained to help him any further. I am not sure if your Mother may understand what is happening to her. I did say to my lo 'you are probably going to go into a dementia unit' because his behavior was getting iffy. Actually, he did get placed in the special care unit within 2 weeks of being at the NH. He signed himself in this past September, and he didn't argue with me. I guess I used a little 'tough love'. I really do not like to see the elderly patients sleeping all day at the facility, but they do. I believe many are medicated, and some are at their end of life. The staff at the facility stay calm when a person is agitated. One man looks unconscious most of the time, but I think he is getting hospice care. He looks comfortable and cared for. He is being fed too. One lady gives me the thumbs up when I see her awake. I make a point to say hi and chat with her and her roommate. My heart goes out to you in this struggle. Be as open and honest as you can.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Educate yourself online on the behaviors involved in dementias, so that you understand the "normalcy" of these behaviors when the mind is failing.
Paranoia is almost universal with advanced dementia.
When I wasn't able to distract or redirect my Mom's paranoia, I would pretend I was getting an importan phone call and I'd just walk out of the room and not return for a while.
Also, educate yourself on best strategies when interacting with LOs who have dementia. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube.
I took her webinars years ago - for about 1-1/2 years.
Thank you for mentioning.
And this book (which I mentioned above) :
The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss - Johns Hopkins Press Health Book.
Good luck.
I am afraid "acts out" isn't descriptive enough for me to go any farther, but I encourage you to stay on the forum and read the columns; I know you will come to many situation that mirror your situation and help you form thoughts enough to tell us exactly what is happening. From there we can let you know how to proceed from our own perspective.
He would get upset when I was talking to various social workers about placement. When we took the necessary steps with the hospital, his doctors, and the social workers, he got scared. Generally, he understood what was happening, and he stayed involved. Then he called me an a..hole. Unfortunately, I told him he was the same. Afterwards, I explained to him that I could only do so much that I wasn't trained to help him any further. I am not sure if your Mother may
understand what is happening to her. I did say to my lo 'you are probably going to go into a dementia unit' because his behavior was getting iffy. Actually, he did get placed in the special care unit within 2 weeks of being at the NH. He signed himself in this past September, and he didn't argue with me. I guess I used a little 'tough love'. I really do not like to see the elderly patients sleeping all day at the facility, but they do. I believe many are medicated, and some are at their end of life. The staff at the facility stay calm when a person is agitated. One man looks unconscious most of the time, but I think he is getting hospice care. He looks comfortable and cared for. He is being fed too.
One lady gives me the thumbs up when I see her awake. I make a point to say hi and chat with her and her roommate. My heart goes out to you in this struggle. Be as open and honest as you can.
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