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I can't stand the smell of poop. It makes me vomit. My husband is completely incontinent and wears diapers 24/7. He is not ambulatory and has a giant tumor he can't reach around, so he cannot use a toilet or clean himself and change his own diaper. Currently, he has an indwelling catheter, or he would also be dealing with urinary incontinence as well. He has no cognitive problems.
He is currently in a SNF with very good aides who keep him changed and clean. At some point, however, he's likely to come home. What kind of caregiver do we hire to take care of the poop?
FYI: one of the most common reasons for people seeking assisted suicide is that they have lost "dignity" = control of their bladder/bowels. And this also seems to be one of the main reasons caregivers give up.

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Elwyn, if he can get to the bathroom, what about a bidet?

Then you can push a button to get the solid matter cleaned off without having to do hands on.

There is a saying that I heard, "Dump a load, flush the commode." Then run the bidet and minimal gross factor for you in the event his aide isn't there. Of course this is all dependent on his mobilty.
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Elwyn, you're so fortunate to have found an SNF with good aides who do what needs to be done for him. Also, you have a good grip on reality - you are right, under these circumstances, he can't come home.

Work on building a good relationship with the staff at the SNF. Visit as often as you feel comfortable with, and make it your mission to keep husband's spirits up, and also the aides' spirits. You are all a team and all have the same purpose - to help and nurture your husband so that every day is the best one possible for him at that time.

He is lucky to have you and the others who look after him.
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Why would he be coming home?! He is not going to improve, unfortunately. I think on some level you know this. And it’s a hard thing to accept.

I am the same way with poop smell. I don’t have a weak stomach. I can handle gruesome things but not poop. I can’t even think about it too long or I gag!
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No.
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You would have to have a 24/7 aid, and I cannot see how, unless you are enormously wealthy, this can be afforded. The timing of need of this sort of assistance isn't predictable, nor are people willing to come in to work at "toileting hour only" when it IS predictable.

I cannot imagine another answer other than placement, given what you tell us, can you?
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Elwyn2024 May 29, 2025
No, I can't -- that's why I asked. We had a live-in 24/7 caregiver for my MIL for the last 6 years of her life (age 97-102), and he charged us $275/day. He did everything -- cooking, feeding, showering, toileting, taking to appointments -- the only thing he didn't do is housekeeping beyond keeping the kitchen clean. I'm guessing it would be more than double that now IF we could even find someone reliable. We went through several agencies and had problems with all of them. Then a family friend retired and was looking for something to do while he relocated. We lucked out!

So I guess my husband is staying in a facility for the rest of his life . . .
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