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I need to know who to contact about abuse of my elderly father. He complained to my husband and me 2 yrs ago. He is in the care of my brother and wife. It was my sis in law, that he said was mistreating him. Cooking food he couldn't chew or things she knew he wouldn't eat. She told him after she and my brother bought his home that now all he owned was the bed he slept in and the food he paid for. I mentioned this to my brother. Suddenly I had to make appointment to see my Dad. It was never available. I started receiving letters supposedly from Dad that I had to apologize for repeating what he said. I did several times just so I could see my father. I saw him on Jan 1 as he made my brother bring him over to give me jewelry from my mom. He was alert and looked good. My cousin jack from Mississippi stopped in unannounced 2 weeks ago and was appalled. He said my dad was confused, dirt, disheveled , acted medicated and didn't know who he was. Jeanine called Jacks sister and yelled about jack stopping in unannounced.He wondered if they were trying to hide the lack of care. Kitty Jacks sis, called jack immediately. It's like jeanine and Mike have to get Dad ready for visits. I also received a letter before father's day saying get together was cancelled and he did not want to see me again. My father would NEVER do that. Then mike posted pics of dinner with dad and family. I am at a loss. I have a sister who is allowed to see him to take him to doctor appt. Unfortunately she goes along so she can see him but doesn't keep me apprised. She's been told not to. I have never had any problems w/ my dad. Only with sibling but they have used him to keep me away. I am terrified he is being drugged to keep him unaware. Mike and wife bought my fathers home with the understanding he would stay . It changed immediately .Please help me. Thank you.

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wishingraven, what are the medical issues that your Dad has? It really sounds like Alzheimer's/Dementia is working on Dad's brain :(

I am not taking sides here, just trying to figure out what is going on, so I will give you some suggestions.

Why I asked about the dementia is that those who have this serious memory issue will make up stories to a point where you don't know what they are saying are true or not. It is not easy caring for a person with memory issues, as Staceyb had brought up above in her posting, your Dad can become hostile thus refusing to bathe or even change clothes. But, there are times that your Dad could appear very normal which is called "showboating".

As for Dad being drugged, maybe this is the only way that can keep him calm. Remember, it's Dad's doctor who is prescribing the medication.

So try to find out what is going on by volunteering to help. If your brother says "no", next time try again to volunteer, and keep trying. Offer to help for a weekend so that they can get away, but you would need to keep Dad in their house and you stay overnight there. It is too disruptive to move Dad from one house to another.
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After you do as GardenArtist recommend, getting rid of any personal information and Names and places, (as you can Get into trouble for possible slander), and you Absolutely feel he is being abused and this isn't just family squabbling, the call APS (ADULT PROTECTED SERVICES), and ask them to go have an unannounced visit to evaluate him as a Vulnerable Senior.  This can be done Anonymously,  so they wouldn't know it was coming from you..

In my opinion,  the first and  best step would be a family meeting, to see how you can All pitch in to help with Dad's care, as it is not easy being the Only ones doing all the care for a parent, when the other siblings do not help. I'm not saying that this is the situation in your case, as it sounds like they are withholding him from you, but for the most part on this AC website, it IS generally only the one sibling doing the majority of the workload.

It would probably be a lot more advantageous if you could try to have a better relationship with your family, than to work against them. 

Often times resentment and tension builds between family members, causing these sorts of problems and misunderstandings in families and can often be avoided, when we worked together to take the workload off of just one family.

As a DIL, who has my FIL living with us in our home (for 13 + years, and now dying of Lung Cancer and on Hospice in my home), I can tell you that I resent the heck our of my husband's 2 siblings who never visit, and have never helped or offered to help ever before. 

And even though they live in other states, there Are things that you can do to show your appreciation to the ones who are doing the majority of the caregiving for the parent, especially if they live in with the family. Sending cards, flowers, gift cards, cards and small entertainment packages to the parent, such as adult coloring books, audio books on tape, CD'S and DVD's, new slippers, candy and treats, magazines and the like, just to show you care about ALL of them, and your Dad especially  would be Thrilled to know that you are thinking of him, and not just once, but on the regular, as it would give him something to look forward to! 

I can't tell you how much that would impress me to think that they cared enough to show a small amount of appreciation to us for all we do, but even more so, that their Dad would feel some Love coming from their direction! An occasional phone call is all well and good, but for him to actually receive a gift package in the Mail, Fantastic!

It might even go a long way in mending fences, knowing that you are aware of just how much that they are giving up in their lives, just to take care of him 24/7.

And please know, I do not know of your exact situation, and maybe you are already doing some of these types of things, but I am speaking in general, as there are So many Caregivers doing this job all on their own, with no suport, and nobody offering to help, or ever showing their elderly parents Any kind of Loveand support.

Did you ever think about how difficult it is to Singularly live and care for a Senior Parent? Never being able to leave the house together as a couple, overnight or God forbid a weeks Vacation? Never being able to just take off for a few hours on the spur of the moment? It's sometimes H*LL to have a parent living with you, or visa versa! It's very easy to be out of sight, out of mind, but so many of the caregivers on this site are exactly that!

I wish you good luck in this situation,  and truly hope that your Dad isn't being abused or neglected,  but do try and put yourself in their shoes. There are good days and bad days,  when my FIL might even looked disheveled,  if it's been a particularly difficult morning,  and we haven't gotten around to giving hin a good wash and a shave. Unannounced guests are a nightmare,  as who wants people showing up when you haven't had the chance to change out of you pajamas, brush your hair or teeth, wash up a sink full of dishes, or dust and vacuum the house?  

Most days I Come Last, as there is a very specific routine to our lives that must be kept in just getting the most basic of care done for Dad. My  FIL's meds,  his dentures, a good wash, his breakfast, cleaning up, catheter care, changing his diaper and the mess that that it can make to the bedding, making sure he's comfortable, and his television station is turned on,  and the list goes on and on, and next up is Lunch...........! 

Please think well and hard before you go accusing someone of neglect, because sometimes,  it's the Caregiver who is Neglecting Themselves and is Completely BURNED OUT!  

I sincerely hope you have sufficient information,  and this isn't a frivolous accusation or "getting back" at your Brother and his wife, in a family dispute, especially if it is over money, inheritance or his valuable belongings you might feel are to go to you!  

But if it Is Honestly a case of abuse and neglect,  then it Is your duty as his Daughter to have it investigated. Good luck!  
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The first thing you need to do is use the "contact us" link at the bottom of the page and ask the admins to delete all the personal names. This is a public forum, linked to Google, and all the references you made can be found by anyone, including the people you specifically named.
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