My mom is 82 yrs old & luv S alone.
She has refused all home care visits from nurses, cleaning ladies, etc & has multiple illnesses, one of which is breast or lung cancer (were not sure which because mom refused her doctor to do any testing), Asthma, mobility problems, she uses a walker & is very weak in her legs/hips but again wants to remain in her home after a 3 mo to stay in rehab last year that happened as a result of her falling.
I am an only child w/no family near (a few cousins out of state).
I'm 55, single but have bad arthritis & hip problems.
I visit mom x2 weekly to bring her food, clean her house, wash clothes, etc & keep her company.
My mom has become very needy, she'll call me when she's woken up from sleep in a panic saying she's "dying" & "I don't know where I'm at" sort of thing usually very late like 2-3am or early 7-8am.
I don't pick up my phone after 2am because I won't be able to sleep at all due to her calling multiple times during the night because she's lonely..
I love my mom but I'm afraid she is needing more of me then I can give both physically & emotionally & it has left me w/a tremendous amount of "guilt".
My mom also plays the guilt trip w/me because she's always say "I'm a sick woman, you should be living at home w/me so I'm not alone, I would never do this to you"...
I have dogs & cats which my mom is allergic to (cats).
I also have not managed my money very well thru the years and have filed bankruptcy x2 which has left me w/not so credit in order to find an apartment to live in.
The last 8 yrs I have been able to find a landlord that has forgone checking my credit & they have been renting to me which I am extremely grateful for..
My mom is poverty level.
She receives Medicare & Medicaid because she o lot gets $750 social security for her income.
She had to take out a reverse mortgage on her house 10 yrs ago to pay off credit card debt.
She currently owes about $175,000 to the RM co which will need to be paid back upon her death if I should want to keep her house.
Since my credit is so bad, I cannot get a loan to pay it back, so most likely the house will have to be sold & whatever little money is left, may come to me.
House is in very bad shape.
No repairs have been done so I'm afraid it won't sell for the good amount that comparable houses on her block have sold for (they all have been in great shape).
So back to my "bad credit" issue, my mom continually asks me to move back in w/her but she doesn't realize that should she pass away before me, I would have to leave my apartment, move in w/her and then worry about being homeless because I won't be able to pay the money back to keep her house..
Like I mentioned earlier, It was very, very fortunate for me to find a decent apartment, one that I could afford (only $700/month) that didn't do a credit check.
Me, my dogs & kitties will be homeless, or worse I'd have to give them all away & just worry about myself living in a motel somewhere..
This has caused me so much anxiety I can't even tell you.
Also, my mother refuses to discuss what's going to happen if she should pass away..
I ask her if she has any money put away for her cremation (that's her wish) because I dont have any savings to help..
I also told her I won't be able to take any money from her checking account that's left to help pay for anything because I don't know her password for her debit card.
She gets angry & says "don't worry, my crypt is already paid for, just put me in the mausoleum w/your sister"..
My sister is buried in a mausoleum and my mom wants to be cremated & have her urn placed in w/my sisters casket or next to it, however they do that.
But she doesn't understand, that her cremation will need to be paid for right??
Who does that?
A funeral home I assume..?
I do t have the money for that.
I have nightmares about what's going to happen if this should go down.
And do I call paramedics if should come to see my mom & I find her passed away??
Or do I call a funeral home?
Someone said paramedics should only be called if the person is still alive & not dead..
I'm sick w/worry about all this.
Please, can someone give me some advice??
God bless you all. Xo