RSmith1232 Asked December 2020
Who decides when the main caregiver can see a family member in the nursing home when they are on Hospice?
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Who decides when the main caregiver can see a family member in the nursing home when they are on Hospice?
My mother has been on Hospice 4 days at the time a Kennedy ulcer appeared, and I am told she may have a week at the rate she’s declining. Since COVID, is it the decision of the state or the facility when I can see her before she passes? She’s been crying for me for weeks as it has been, but knowing she may not able to have closer and tell me what she needs to before she passes seems just as much of a neglect as not supplying water.
I don’t know how high up to go looking into getting “permission” to see my own mom who lived through COVID, and has one request.
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A month ago my mother became quite ill and was taken by ambulance from the AL facility to a hospital. I had not been allowed to see her since March. Now I could see her in the ICU as well as her hospital room. My husband and I could not see her together but one of us was allowed at a time.
Then it was determined she should be placed in palliative care. We could see her together as well as my 3 children who traveled because the situation seemed grim.
She expressed a desire for PT which she has very little energy for yet this plan is being continued for now. Now none of us can see her. We go outside her window and wave but because she is on oxygen she can't really hear us. 2 of my children are coming for Christmas along with 2 grandchildren. They will not allow children in but they can also visit outside her window. They were here in the summer but were not allowed to see her. If things worsen then we could see her again but that would likely mean she is dying.
Its a terrible way to have one lifes end but there is no point in fruitlessly arguing the situation.
Basically the situation is that we could see her if the end is near but if it's not then we cannot see her and visit and offer companionship. I will add that she is in a facility that has not had a single case of Covid amongst the residents.
Talk to the Facility and ask what the protocol is now.
(typically once a Kennedy Ulcer is observed EOL is 48 to 72 hours but it could be 2 weeks) given that the facility should allow visitors.
anyway, this week she started eating so much better, it did confuse me. The pain in her legs has been horrible and I just assume it’s the ulcer touching nerves. They won’t let me in until they see her vitals go that direction like the heart rate change and such. That also has held up pretty well.
She told me of a resident who was in the active stare of passing so they let the husband in to be with her and he stayed to feed her lunch (apparently more than once) but she started to improve and they had to make him stop visiting. That is so messed up. But if we aren’t able to bring them home for care, we have to follow the rules the people who pay the facility set.
It’s ben an anticipatory thing since mom had her stroke 5 years ago, but she’s done well until now. It’s even moreso strangely enough. Our family isn’t one to do things half way I guess. lol
Basically I am tellling yourself to throw yourself upon their mercy. But do know that all across our nation now people are dying at the rate of one every 30 seconds from Covid. The protections taken are extraordinary, and many (I include myself, tho my brother didn't pass of covid, but of an illness, with hospice present) have lost loved one, with only the phone to connect our last communications.
I am so very very sorry that you are going through this.
I did just that with the facility social worker today. She said once Hospice is called, they dictate the time family can go in and they follow their riles on that. So I then spoke with the Hospice nurse and she sounded very experienced and confident in knowing when to contact me and let me know of any changes, even though I am of course allowed to call her any time with questions. She understood the importance of my concern with Mom having closure as well and me, and her being awake. Mom is working to be very clear when she’s awake and I can tell she knows everything going on.
I am able to FaceTime her which has helped when she needed pain meds before they were around the clock, and when they weren’t strong enough. The Hospice nurse told her she was getting her stronger meds today, and I believe mom knew she meant morphine and Mom knows that isn’t a good sign. I think any questions of what was going on was cleared up when she realized that.
Im glad she likely knows, when I do go in, I’m sure she wants to make sure I know and am ok. (Of course not but what can you do!) The morphine came in tonight and she was finally able to rest. It was a long restless day until they decided to go ahead with it.
Im glad we have had such good nurses, CNAs and Hospice care. The COVID thing got crappy right about 6 weeks ago when I knew things weren’t getting better and I wanted to be in there. I can’t imagine the families with 90 year old grandmothers they haven’t been able to see at all passing in COVID or not, and not allowed in or suddenly passes.
We have been blessed even through all this.