Sharing a conversation I had with the people in charge of my mam. The conversation went along the lines that the financial power of Attorney is being taken off me and put back into my mam’s full control. The UK DWP representative was at pains to assure me that this is just a temporary arrangement and can be changed; the Power of Attorney can be returned to me. But I did not want that Power of Attorney in the first place; it was the DWP's unilateral decision to award me the custody long ago. I said that I see no reason why I’d want the Power of Attorney back. This is fine; I want no financial accusations leveled at me. I said that I even want to go as far as wanting my mam to remove me from her will.

The go ahead for this decision is based on the Care Coordinator’s assessment that my mam is better now in her capacity to manage her finances; much better than when the initial Power of Attorney was granted to me. To me this is the central bone of contention. She is certainly less capable of managing herself – since she keeps questioning her Bank’s interest rates – even going as far as being in touch with the Financial Ombudsman. The DWP representative corrected my mam on this, explaining that most Banks have the same low interest rates. With this bombshell - I cannot see how the mental health assessment is sound; I think it’s appalling.

Her ability to judge what the correct procedure is or what is acceptable behavior is very scanty. I cited her behavior when she was at respite last year. Her abnormal behavior in her interaction with other clients; such as buying them food, playing them songs from her iPad and giving them gifts. Right there and then my mam insisted that that was not her, but it was an impostor, who had taken over her persona whilst she was in the home.

When I immediately cited her explanation as mental illness right there and then, the Care Coordinator butted in and affirmed my mam’s reasoning; that we cannot be sure whether she was indeed not possessed by another persona. This is an appalling display of the Care Coordinator taking the word of a patient as fact without sitting back and acknowledging the irrationality of the patient. Was my mam telling the truth in saying another person had taken over her and was playing her in body and mind? Are we now accepting as fact - demonic possession?

The Care Coordinator even went as far as to say that she is not aware of a time when my mam was in respite. She did not know about the arrangement. This is highly unlikely – since she’s the Care Coordinator after all. She could have been off – when the decision was made – but respite should have been noted as part of my mam’s treatment. Is the Care Coordinator lacking info – or is this two departments not communicating? It seems the Care Coordinator is not that clued up.

At this point – I was getting very irritated. The insanity of what my mam was saying was ignored – and instead it became her word against mine. So the assessment of "mentally better than before" – will stand despite the evidence. And I'm the bad man for complaining and getting all worked up.

This is the Mental Health system in the UK at the moment; and it’s rolling out to permeate the NHS. They will eventually adopt the same procedures; put the patient’s rights and opinions above their behavior as evidence for their mental well-being.

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I understand your wanting to get her the best care. I really do.

But even folks who are mentally ill have rights. Sometimes, in order for them to get the best care, you have to let them fail spectacularly.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this!
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VAuser1 Jun 2019
I realize that; she needs to "fail spectacularly."

This is not going to be difficult to achieve; the Care Coordinator doesn't even realize mam was in Respite last year for 2 weeks; and it was a free drop-in service for the elderly who just want to get away from life. I asked for another Respite and the Coordinator said no - cus it will cost. She must have been off the week the decision was made.

But I think you are right; they want her to fail in the most spectacular way; to show that any sanctions are legitimate and not arbitrarily against her rights. I can go along with that.
Yes; they sort of changed - but there is a head psychiatrist; all other psychiatrists come under her supervision. So - we can't really escape. Even if we move to a totally different Trust - the initial shrink is still in control.

But as you say - I should just walk away. My mam seems to trust them 100%. Why should I demand she gets the best care.

The GP can't help; they differ to the Psychiatrist.
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VAuser, you posted about changing psychiatrists a while back, but the you disappeared.

Did you talk to mom's GP about these issues?

If the NHS thinks mom is competent, would you consider walking away and letting them find out she's not?
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VAuser1 Jun 2019
I have considered that; but would that not be criminal negligence on their part? Experimenting with a life - is unethical.
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