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For the first yr after her husband passed I traveled back n forth weekly to visit her and to take her shopping n to her doctors appointments as she didn't drive. After a yr of doing this I realized she just wasn't capable of living alone, she would forget to eat, take her meds etc even with me calling her three to four times a day to remind her. I finally told my husband that she had to come live with us.
Over the years her memory has increasingly gotten worse and of course our lives have completely changed because she has no desire to go shopping or movies or do anything..
In the last 3-4 months mom has started hallucinating. She will come to our room in the middle of the night asking where are we going ? Or did you call me or ask me if I'm ok, she thought she heard me call her name. I tuck her in at night like a child hug n kiss her n tell her how much I love her and she tells me the same. She usually sleeps sound from about 8:30 p to around midnight, then it all starts. She claims people are outside asking her to let them in or coaxing her to come go with them. We've had to put alarms on all the doors for fear of her wondering off in the middle of the night. The door alarms didn't dissuade her so now we have an eye set on her bedroom door that alarms next to our bed when she opens her bedroom door . This alarm goes off 4-5 times a night after midnight. She's always looking for someone who is either calling to her or trying to find someone who was just in her room.
The past couple weeks it's been a woman or a young girl she's been seeing and searching for. She claims that they call her by name and ask her if she's coming with them or if she's ready to go ? It's really scary for me to know she's goring through this especially knowing there's nothing I can do about it..
Her doctors are aware of this and just tell me to go along with her on it not to argue or make her feel she isn't experiencing what she's speaking of. So I just tell her that they've left and will be back again because they felt she needed her rest more than taking the trip. She seems to experience the hearing of voices more at night but is very adimant about the fact that she Sees people during the day. Her hallucinations seem to be more frequent when she's just waking or relaxing.
She even calls me mom and refers to my husband her son as Dad... This disease is horrible and it's a thief in the night that robs people of their identity and their dignity.. such a sad situation when dealing with someone who suffers from this.
Moms doctors told me that during the course of this disease there comes a point when it affects the family and caregivers more so than the afflicted because their memory of who or what they are no longer exist but we are suffering through their loss each and every day until their passing..
For the first yr after her husband passed I traveled back n forth weekly to visit her and to take her shopping n to her doctors appointments as she didn't drive. After a yr of doing this I realized she just wasn't capable of living alone, she would forget to eat, take her meds etc even with me calling her three to four times a day to remind her. I finally told my husband that she had to come live with us.
Over the years her memory has increasingly gotten worse and of course our lives have completely changed because she has no desire to go shopping or movies or do anything..
In the last 3-4 months mom has started hallucinating. She will come to our room in the middle of the night asking where are we going ? Or did you call me or ask me if I'm ok, she thought she heard me call her name. I tuck her in at night like a child hug n kiss her n tell her how much I love her and she tells me the same. She usually sleeps sound from about 8:30 p to around midnight, then it all starts. She claims people are outside asking her to let them in or coaxing her to come go with them. We've had to put alarms on all the doors for fear of her wondering off in the middle of the night. The door alarms didn't dissuade her so now we have an eye set on her bedroom door that alarms next to our bed when she opens her bedroom door . This alarm goes off 4-5 times a night after midnight. She's always looking for someone who is either calling to her or trying to find someone who was just in her room.
The past couple weeks it's been a woman or a young girl she's been seeing and searching for. She claims that they call her by name and ask her if she's coming with them or if she's ready to go ? It's really scary for me to know she's goring through this especially knowing there's nothing I can do about it..
Her doctors are aware of this and just tell me to go along with her on it not to argue or make her feel she isn't experiencing what she's speaking of. So I just tell her that they've left and will be back again because they felt she needed her rest more than taking the trip. She seems to experience the hearing of voices more at night but is very adimant about the fact that she Sees people during the day. Her hallucinations seem to be more frequent when she's just waking or relaxing.
She even calls me mom and refers to my husband her son as Dad... This disease is horrible and it's a thief in the night that robs people of their identity and their dignity.. such a sad situation when dealing with someone who suffers from this.
Moms doctors told me that during the course of this disease there comes a point when it affects the family and caregivers more so than the afflicted because their memory of who or what they are no longer exist but we are suffering through their loss each and every day until their passing..
My guess is that it has more to do with brain chemistry than previous residents of the house, or miscarriages, or personal meaning. A minister with LBD saw young children in his home all the time. His wife (in my local support group) simply reassured him. "I've already given them a snack, and their parents are picking them up soon, so they won't be joining us for dinner."
I think you are doing splendidly by reassuring Mom and not arguing with her. You don't need to figure out who this child is to continue doing that. Use this as an opportunity to praise your mom and make her feel good.
"Mom, you were such a great mother to me when I was little! I can understand why little girls want to hang around you. And it is so kind of you to be concerned about her. She has a good family, too, and she needs to send time with them. But I expect she'll be back."
One other suggestion would be to try a life-size baby doll (or a doll about the size and weight distribution of a baby, but the features of a toddler.) A quality doll like this can be found for about $100 or so. Much more expensive dolls are also available but they are generally "collector" dolls and not really meant to be handled a lot. Less expensive dolls available at discount stores are typically made to fit a little girl's arms. A life-size doll is more suitable for an adult.
When you give it to her say something like, "Since you are friends with a little girl, I thought this might be nice in your room." Or let her help you pick it out online, with the same reasoning. Don't tell her it is a baby. Whether she treats it like a toy or a baby or says her little friend plays with her -- however she relates to the doll, just go along with it. Take your cues from her. It may just wind up being an expensive decoration on her dresser, or it may help her express her nurturing instincts. If you or she can afford it, I'd say it is worth a try.
If not a ghost, maybe it's your Mom as a child or a sister [if she had any]. A childhood friend... or the child is you.
It would be fascinating to find out from your Mom what is the child's name.
No matter what disease they are associated with, hallucinations are never under the control of the person having them. No one wills himself to see things that aren't there, and the things they see are absolutely real to them. Arguing about it is ineffective and generally hurtful.
I agree with msdaizy and Nanieine. Caregiving is so much less stressful if you understand the disease process at work.
I miss my mom...but I lost her way before she passed away. Her LBD made her someone so different, I just learned how to help her through the journey. Research it...and try not to take it personal is the key.
Love them and tell them everyday..no matter what they say or do. It builds trust and its great therapy for the caregiver too.
In Love and Light!
I certainly had more insight and understanding about his confusion and his odd behaviors after those moments. Has anyone else had the person they're caring for reveal something like this- multiplying of one person, or seeing people or things in separate parts- to them?
Now my mom is going through her own dementia, and she sees at least two, sometimes more dogs, when we only have one. She also sees several other people in the house, mostly "the young boy" and "those two girls", and other "Karens" (me). Sometimes, she asks, "Where"s Karen?" and when I say, I'm right here, mom", she says, "Not you! The other girl!" and if I say, "I'm Karen", she gets mad and says, "No, you're not!", and goes on calling, "Karen!....Karen!" She mostly does this one when she's mad at me, like, "Karen wouldn't do THAT (whatever she's mad at me for), that must not be Karen, Karen must be in another room."
It's harder for me to be patient with mom seeing all these other people, and other "me's" because I wasn't dad's caregiver, so it wasn't a constant thing for me to deal with, but now I'm mom's caregiver, and I have to deal with this stuff all the time, and also, she makes decisions, or resists what I need her to do based on what one of these "people" have "told" her to do, and sometimes I think she isn't really seeing one of them at the time but she is just using them to excuse something she has done or to give a reason she doesn't want to do what I want her to do. Like, if I'm trying to get her to take a shower, she'll say something like, "Well, those two girls told me to ......" (whatever, just not take a shower). But if I try to do the same thing, like tell her, "I talked to your mother today (her mother died 30 years ago, but mom spends a big part of each day trying to get out of the house so she can go see her mother), and your mother told me she wants you to take a shower before you come see her", she'll deny that I talked to her mother or that she said that. Oh, well, it was worth a try.
I have two thoughts about what was going on with dad seeing multiple "Bobbies". Maybe, every time she left the room and came back in, he thought it was a different person till he eventually recognized her, so she was a new, unfamiliar person, but also Bobbie, so his mind registered her as both an additional person, and as "Bobbie". Or, maybe, his vision was fragmented, so he saw things like through a prism, or a caleidescope. I know there was some fragmenting, because one time I was leading him to the bathroom, I was holding both his hands and walking backward and he was walking forward. He suddenly stopped, and said, "I have to stop, or else I'll step all over that guy's feet!" (gesturing with his hand to point toward MY
My Mom always see's her Dad sometimes her Mom. Since I have become my Mom's caregiver, I have been accomplishing things that I never thought I could and I believe someone has been guiding me and been giving me strength and opening my mind to do what I needed to protect my Mom.
Call me crazy but I should have fallen apart long ago!!! Now I am here trying helping others, so I can keep other's from falling apart, almost as if it has been my life's mission all along.