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Mom & I have lived under the same roof for 11yrs. I live in an apt on the second floor. I’ve been here for her if needed & her for me. I’ve cared for her after knee replacement surgery. Was the only one @ the hospital during that surgery. I’ve done the lawn care, pet care, home repairs, found reputable people for AC & appliance repairs or to do repairs I couldn’t do, & so much more. I have 3 other siblings. My Dad lives near by. Parents are divorced. Now that mom is in NH, everyone has come out of the woodwork. They’ve taken control of everything associated w mom’s care & OUR home. We built this home together. Nobody has put more time, effort & care into the home or for mom than me. Dad & siblings now make decisions about the home & mom’s care but don’t include me. I end up getting blindsided their decisions. I find out about them after they have been made. Now mom is on board w them. Many of their decisions directly affect me in a negative way. I have zero input on these decisions. I end up suffering the consequences. Found out because they think I wouldn’t agree w their decisions, they just leave me out. I’ve been the black sheep/scapegoat all my life. I’m disabled & have several chronic health issues. Stress from their actions is making me physically, emotionally & mentally ill. It causes my symptoms to flare. I’ve had migraines almost daily for the past couple of months. I’m bed ridden @ times. I’m not financially able to buy my own place & move. I’ve tried talking to my mom, dad & siblings about everything. I don’t get anywhere. I’m tired of being sick all the time. Tired of worrying about what they will do next. Everyone, but me, is worried about their inheritance. I know the harsh realities associated w Medicaid. Any advice??? I’ve been praying about!! Thank you!!

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lsudvm91, I'm sorry to read about your family's discord. It is possible your mom is sliding into cognitive decline and this is why she is agreeing to things she previously would not have (in your opinion). If she made promises and you invested monies I think it would be wise to spend a little more on a 1 hour consult with an elder law attorney. I'm assuming you're on SSDI if you have been disabled since 2006? What was the legal action you took which you referred to below? What came of that? Your own continued qualification for Medicaid may be endangered so professional advice should be sought. I wish you success in sorting it out!
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Laws about the transfer of real property are complex. It sounds like there are a lot of facts that need to be sorted through to determine what if any claims for relief you might have. A skilled attorney should be able to do that. I'd explore it. There are time deadlines for filing some claims, so, I would't delay.
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Are you co-owner? Do you and Mom have an agreement that the house goes to you when she passes. Mom is probably being cohearsed. And why id Dad involved they are divorced.
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lsudvm91 Jun 2020
i’m not co owner even tho I have a lot of money invested in the home plus sweat equity. I’ve tried without success over the years to get mom to verify the money I loaned her in writing. I’ve taken legal action on that issue. Dad is involved because mom has promised to give him a lot attached to the lot on which our home was built. Dad gets the lot in exchange for his paying mom’s mortgage, property taxes, etc. That’s their arrangement. Nothing in writing.
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If you find you truly are out, now that your mom's "on board" with the others, you can probably get subsidized housing; some people here in our small town pay NO rent or utilities, because they have no money. You could pursue disability; if you get rejected, apply again, they seem to reject everyone the first time. If you have a computer, there is a site called "Rat Race Rebellion" that has online/phone jobs you may be able to do now in order to get some money together and move out. There are live in positions just being a roommate/helper for an elderly person that may pay room and board and a salary; you have experience with that. The black sheep/scapegoat in a family seldom wins the war; perhaps it's time for you to strike out on your own?
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lsudvm91 Jun 2020
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m disabled. Have been since 2006. I have looked into subsidized housing in my area. I agree w you...time to strike out on my own. Tks again
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How do other siblings have the right to make decisions about property that is not theirs? Is there a POA? Is property owner competent to make their own decisions? Did you have an agreement that you get something in exchange for all your hard work? I'd seek a legal opinion from an attorney to see what, if any, rights you might have. I wouldn't assume anything about Medicaid. I'd make sure the attorney is well versed and can answer all your questions and provide you your options. Most attorneys have consults available by phone or online, due to covid.
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lsudvm91 Jun 2020
I’m not exactly sure why mom is so easily persuaded by my Dad & siblings. Some people believe what they want to believe. I had the flu when mom was admitted to NH. I was not on her admission paperwork as a contact. I had to add myself, her primary care Dr, her current meds, pre existing health conditions, etc to her admission forms. My oldest brother has POA that’s not active @ this time. He lives in another state. Mom is mentally competent. Siblings, Mom & Dad dictate what they want me to do for them. Ex: pay for all home expenses & repairs, provide care for mom’s dog, clean her floor of the home, do her laundry & more. I stopped doing her laundry months before COVID. NH can do her laundry. I wasn’t able to get the smell out of her clothes even w laundry sanitizer & washing them twice. I couldn’t keep up w my laundry let alone hers. Mom & I had shared costs on all household expenses/costs. Neither one of us could afford to live here without that. We took care of our own pets. I’m not able to properly care for her dog. I’ve addressed this w entire family & nothing has happened. I had 2 possible homes for her dog. Nobody took action. It’s inhumane for dog to live alone downstairs. I don’t have the time or energy for proper care. I have pet birds & the dog is terrified of them. She will not come upstairs to my apt. Legally I can’t rehome her. My chronic, “invisible” illnesses limit my energy. I can only do so much. Family thinks I’m not sick. If I’m not able to do something, ie laundry or other, family says I “didn’t want to do it” or “didn’t want to help” which isn’t true. I actually couldn’t or wasn’t able to do it. This stress of this situation causes my symptoms & migraines to flare. That can make me bedridden. I just don’t know what else to do.
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