Follow
Share

Caregiver went bad. My cousin was my Aunt's caregiver. My cousin is now in Jail for battery towards my Aunt. Who would ever thought a family member would hurt another family member. To me it's the unthinkable. But, it's true. It took me a long time to accept the fact my Cousin hurt our Aunt. Because, of my Aunt's dementia I thought my Aunt was making false statesments towards my Cousin. Until I sat down with my Aunt to talk to her about this. I learned from my Aunt this isn't the first time my Cousin beat her up. My Aunt said to me that the first time she got beat up she never told anyone about it. I was sad & shocked to hear this. Because, of my Aunt's dementia I still had my doubts if this was true. It's hard to take in. Until I talked to the dective in charge of the case. The detective told me there is no denial your Cousin beat her up. Fresh bruses was found on your Aunt and photos was taking of them. My Aunt is 88 yrs old. Who would ever think of beating up a 88 yrs old elderly person is beyond me. We trust our own family members so this kind of stuff don't happen. If you can't trust your own who can you trust anymore?This world is crazy.
I stepped in as my Aunt's caregiver because, she had no one else welling to step up to this plate. All the other family members are afraid to help my Aunt. Afraid if they do attempt to help her they will be the next to go to jail. My Aunt wanted to change her living Will. So, I took her to do so. Even my Aunt's attorney asked me "Do you realize what your getting your self into?" I replied to the attorney stating there's knowone else but, me welling to help her. So, as of date I am her Druable POA & Caregiver. As stepping into this I learned of many problems my Cousin caused. She was out to put my Aunt into a nurcing home as fast as she can is what I learned. The Cousin was selling items and had my Aunt's house for sale. She also, found my Aunt's living Will, House Deed, life insurance ect. My Aunt kept all of this paper work in a small box for safe keeping. My Cousin took the box. The box can't be found. Now I'm starting from scratch so to speak without any help for this. My Aunt don't remember what life insurance company she has. And who knows what all was in her box.
Where to start?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I suggest listening to that attorney...sounds like a snakepit situation to me. Any chance of leaving Aunt to the professionals? Some problems are just too complicated for us amateurs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Cont-,
Who wouldn't be paranoid?My Aunt's attorney asked me before creating the POA paper work."Do you realize what your getting your self into?"
At the time didn't understand what he ment by that.Now I see lol.
I am very paranoid.If a bruse comes about I must answer for it.That's walking on broken glass for me.But,if I don't help my Aunt?There is no other welling to step up to this plate to help her.Everyone is paranoid not just me.All my Aunt's relatives are now paranoid.They all tell me to walk away.I did attempt to walk away once during this stuff going on.But,my Aunt called me crying for help asking for me to come and take care of her.So I do.I never was a POA before now.I never was a caregiver before now.I was never given a instruction manual or step by step instructions on what to do as a POA or a caregiver.The attorney just simply handed me the paper work for POA and that's it.I was only told to show this POA to her bank & doctor is all I was told to do.So,if people think it's easy to know what to do as a POA.Those people are crazy.If your a POA and ask about what to do.You look like a fool for not knowing lol.So,I must act like I know what I'm doing because,of lack of information about duties and rules of a POA.
I hear people say their POAs of their MOM or Dad.And also,joint on their parents bank accounts.That's strange to hear that people are joint on a account as a POA.
Reading the dos and donts of a POA online.It states,POA is not allowed to be joint on a family member's account.If so POA can be revoked.POAs are not allowed to barrow,gift or donate as these are also,grounds of revoke of a POA.But,yet I hear and see people spending their families money as their own and getting away with it.Joint on their family member's accounts too.So I ask you all?Which is it?
Are you or are you not allowed to be joint on your family member's bank account when you are also,the POA?
I'm my Aunt's Durable POA.I'm my Aunt's caregiver too.I'm both!
As a POA I was told your not allowed to charge a fee for being a POA.
Caregiver,I am my Aunt's caregiver.I should be able to get paid for my services as a caregiver.
As POA it's my job to find a caregiver,Pay a caregiver too.As I am my Aunt's POA,my Aunt and I are allowed to choose who to be a caregiver.Who to pay as well.I should be able to get paid from my Aunt's funds to be her caregiver.A few weeks back I was told in order for me to get paid as my Aunt's caregiver?I must stop being my aunt's poa.That sounds not right to me.Any advice on this?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am paranoid.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks for all your replies and advice. I'll try to answer all your questions one by one here lol.
Yes, I understand that elderly people bruse easily and I did have my doubts as well at first about if my Cousin really did beat my Aunt or not. For one my Aunt tells me the same story everytime I ask her what happened. If my Aunt was lieing about my cousin beating her? My Aunt's story wouldn't be the same everytime I ask her about it. She has dementia. Stories stange with dementia as remembering things to the T .So, I feel my Aunt's telling the truth. I did ask my Aunt if she wants to go to the cousin's court hearing and my Aunt didn't refuse. But, I thought it wouldn't be right to take her. You would think if my Aunt was lieing she would of refused.
Keep in mind, I haven't seen hied or hair of my cousin in over 30 yrs prior of my cousin beating her. After I heard about my Aunt getting beat by my cousin. I thought of researching my cousin online. I found she has other past Battery charges out of state we all never knew about. The cousin is known for drinking alot as well. After talking with the SS worker and the detective in charge of the case. I was told by both agents that there is no doubt she beat her up. My cousin's been in jail for 2 months now with a bond of only $305. No one bailed her out yet. So, it shows who cares for the cousin.
No I'm not selling her house. I never was attempting to sell it. My cousin was. I learned this from googling her cell phone number one day. By googling her cell phone number I learned the cousin was selling other things as well of our Aunts without the Aunt knowing. I reported all of this to the detective & Adult SS agent. I was told be lucky you cought her before she sold her house out from underneath her. I did ask for them to do a financial investigation on my cousin and check local pawn shops for her name. Never heard a thing back about it all. The only thing I can do is report it all what I have and know. Let them do their work I guess.
O yes I'm worried about getting accused of further bruses that may come about. The difference between me and my cousin is, My cousin lived with my Aunt as her caregiver. I don't live with my Aunt. I drive to visit her every other day as her caregiver. I'm not living with my Aunt 24/7 to get under each other's hair to cause a fight. I work I have a full time job other then caregiving for my Aunt. My cousin didn't have a job and no money to boot is why she was selling Aunt's items under the table.
I forgot to explain this one,
When my cousin was living with her as her caregiver. I was told by my cousin that many 911 calls was made by my Aunt from the house. So many 911 calls was made that the police was warning my Aunt not to make anymore 911 calls. My cousin told me that she was afraid if anymore 911 calls was made by my Aunt. The cops would make her leave the house. My cousin had know where else to live. She then told me she removed Aunt's house phone from the wall. So, Aunt can't dial 911 anymore. Since, I stepped in to care for my Aunt. She now has her phone back on the wall in working order. And not one 911 call was made since I took over care. Since the police hasn't recieved anymore 911 calls the cops know the truth. Did my Cousin really beat my Aunt? Is my cousin in jail for no reason? I ask my self this all the time. I don't know I wasn't there to know if she did or not. If I add everything up as put the puzzle together. I feel she did. Maybe a 20 % doubt because, she's family. I leave it up to the court to decide.
Yes it's true elderly bruse very easy. I don't touch her I'm afraid to because, of all of this stuff going on. I would never lay a hand on a 88 yr old lady. For what reason to win? Win what a night in jail lol. My cousin stoled or hid my Aunt's file box with all her paper work. With my Aunt's dementia its hard to find out what all was in the box. I am her POA I need to know but, may never know now. My Aunt gave me the ok to search the house for the box. I attempted once to look for it. But, with my Aunt's dementia with me moving things to search causes accusing me of moving, misplacing things. So I stopped looking I gave up on it to avoid any accusing towards me.I called the recorders office today. I was told for $6 I can get a copy of my Aunt's house deed for her. And my Aunt gave me a letter to mail today. The said on it Life Insurance. So, now I know who her life insurance is thru. So, little by little i'll get some papers back in order lol.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In the early stages of his dementia my husband fell often. He was on a blood thinner and bruised extremely easily. At times he looked like a massive black-and-blue sport! When he was in his paranoid phase he accused me of stealing his money, his car, and holding him against his will. Thank goodness he never accused me of beating him, because he sure looked like someone had!

Which is not to say your cousin didn't abuse your aunt. There must have been a lot of evidence if she was convicted of that. But I do suggest that if Aunt gets bruised from any cause you document what happened. If you have to restrain her, for example to keep her from doing something dangerous, or to grab her to prevent a fall, etc., be sure to document that! I don't want YOU to get paranoid, but it is better safe than sorry.

You are certainly doing a fine thing to take over your aunt's care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Capn, you have a good point. My mother bruises so easily that she can bump a door and get huge blood spots. One time she got one around her wrist. I was worried that people might think I had grabbed her -- it was what it looked like. dogabone is closer to the situation, though, so she has a better idea of what is going on.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

dogabone, I am glad you are there for your aunt. It sounds like you are getting through things fine. You have access to your aunt's financial records. If she has paid for her life insurance recently you may be able to find the record of payment. What I hope is that the papers are squirreled around there somewhere. Do you still plan to sell the house? It sounds like things are a whirlwind there. Let us know how everything is coming together. Good thoughts coming your way.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

i hope your cousin isnt the victim of false accusations. my mother told hospice i was trying to kill her once. mom was suffering severe paranoid delusions and in fact was not far from death from dementia.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Go back to the detective and report the missing items. Your cousin may have given the deed to a realtor or your aunt may have hidden the papers in old linens or an old purse or jacket. See if she had a safe deposit box at her bank, check county hall for the deed. Your aunt will go through a "honeymoon" phase with you, but if she shows any anger or aggression, protect yourself by calling 911 for help. Make no attempt to restrain her, she will bruise.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.