I am new here and feel like I am trying to make critical decisions while dealing with being stuck in limbo. The limbo may be denial on my part too.
My 82 year old mother lives in another state (my childhood home) and is still on her own. She is in overall good health but on some medications for a-fib and also has had knee replacement. My dad passed away 5 years ago and mom has lived by herself since then. She is in a rural area and has maintained a large home with lots of land just fine. 2 months ago I got a call from her that all her money had been stolen - by my husband no less. I am on all the accounts, and verified nothing had changed. She went from completely fine to delusional and paranoid overnight. I went to see her that day, reassured her things were fine with her money, and tried everything I could to get her into a doctor, but none could see her for 60 days. While there I discussed the situation with a friend who has a sister on the same meds as my mom, and she said it could be the metoprolol. (As soon as her sister had her meds changed, there was a significant difference in her behavior.) Made an appointment with her cardiologist to discuss, earliest appt was 7/23. Mom was doing ok after that, then the cardio called and got her an earlier appointment which I could not attend. They upped her dose, and since that time (7/3) her delusions and paranoia are significantly worse. Currently, the secret service is apparently following her and I have a new career as the Chico's model - and she loves my new blue eyes!
Last week Mom agreed to move to my city, but does not want to live with me (which is good as our home is loud and chaotic, and she would have no real place to get away.) My mom and I have always had a wonderful relationship.
So here are where my struggles are, and I would welcome insights from anyone with experience.
1. This may again be my denial, but this was such a sudden onset that I have a strong belief medication plays some role in this. Mom is otherwise independent and would prefer independent living of some sort. With her current state I don't know if that is the right decision, but if medication changes improve her condition then I feel certain it is. Should I consider independent with in-home services when she gets here?
2. With the volume of work to do in moving her, it will be end of Sept before she gets here. Do I keep her current doc appointments in August and continue to try and evaluate the meds impact?
3. The level of healthcare and available physicians where she is at are terrible. I have almost too many choices in my area. Has anyone done any type of interviews with geriatricians prior to engaging their care for a parent? If so, how have you gone about that and are the docs receptive to it?
4. She has BCBS Medicare supplemental - I pay for this for my mother in law and know that it is called BCBS Texas. Will we have to purchase a new plan since she is moving to a different state?
5. Will a good geriatric doctor work with a cardiologist or neurologist to figure out what is going on, or is there another type of doctor/practice I should be searching for?
I've talked to move managers and may or may not use that service. I'm truly struggling with trying to figure out what level of medical care we should push for before she moves here, and what type of living situation might be best. There are two "age in place" facilities I've been impressed with in my area. In one instance assisted living is available immediately, but independent has a long wait list and I'm concerned she could not get out of assisted once in it. The other has both available, but the independent living was not really what she was looking for.
I'm so fortunate to have a mom who did everything she could for me, and I want to do the same for her in this time of need. I can tell that my emotions are playing such a large role in this. Am I just in denial and cannot imagine this brilliant, strong woman not able to be on her own? Or have others seen loved ones "come back" to reality with the right medical care?