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My Mom (84) has been living with me for 6 months. While I totally agree with emjo's comment that "one should not make important decisions while under stress..., due to the effects of stress on thinking processes," it's really a Catch-22. I'm having to make all the decisions--for her (searching for independent living facilities that take Medicaid), for me and for my business which is suffering greatly. I'm on partial disability due to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (resulting from Thyroidectomy and fighting thyroid cancer for the last 20 yrs) & struggle with diminished cognitive function to begin with, so the process is extremely frustrating and slow. I've left messages at a local Medicaid Application Assistance office that are not returned, spoken to a social worker at another facility who says she's "new at this" and cannot answer most of my questions, and I've spent hours online trying to work through the Medicaid application maze on the website: Does she need an HCBS waiver? Can I complete the application online? Does she have to see her doctor first?
She still drives but shouldn't because she came home a few days ago with her headlight falling off and other damages to the car that she claims was the fault of a "hit and run" driver while she was parked in a parking lot. She's in denial about her dementia and many other issues. I have no help from my family, mostly because of her strained relationships with my siblings: 2 sisters and 1 brother. She has been asked/forced to move out of the last 3 places she's lived for various reasons that I won't go into here. Suffice it to say, I am her last resort and I cannot work from home AND take care of her needs (and those of other family members that I help) and be successful and keep my sanity. ANY advice would be appreciated.

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Check with area of aging agencies and the red cross. Alzheimer's has a list that can help and check with your state. I can't emphasize enough that we have to deal on a local level with our legislatures that we need pay outside of private and medicare to assist in this type care. It is overly expensive in most cases. This leads to the abandonment of relatives with dementia to be left at a fast food restaurant etc. so the state can take over. Sad way to look at it but it is happening because the provision for paid care is not there. Dementia is prevalent and it's growing and we are not tackling it heads on as we should. Driving is easy, we took the coil wire out of the car and disabled it. A relative figured it out and believe it or not enabled it. I put a club on the steering wheel and said it that were to go so would go the car. I took the papers from the doctor's office stating my loved one had dementia and dmv revoked her license. Yet, it wasn't until her last fender bender it scared her from driving. But watch your parent because her inability to drive caused her to start walking (wandering) to find stores etc. You need to call the state and ask for a social worker. Is there any VA benefits involved from her or living or deceased spouse? Sad but as the comment above stated, that happened to my aunt, the hospital had her and noone picked her up and they found a care facility as she became a ward of the state. Her only son died and her grandchildren or noone else could take on that responsibility. Good Luck and it is something you can accomplish, speak also to an eldercare ombudsman.
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I repeat: some states do have programs that use Medicaid federal funds to cover Assisted Living expenses. I know. I live in such a state. My daughter works in an Assisted Living facility that does accept Medicaid payments, under certain circumstances.
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I understand anyone's frustration with family members. I lived with my mother for eight years. But, really care for her for 12 years. I am one out of 4 children. I had one sister who visited and took her to some appointments. But, for the most part I was alone.
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In response to Medicaid and your mother driving. A doctors can pull her license. I know taking the keys away is useless. If you are not healthy yourself than you cannot care for your mother. I would have someone pull a wire out of the car. Then if she tries to have it fixed. Tell the mechanic the story not to fix it and maybe he will help you tell your mother a white lie. The car cannot be repaired. Medicaid won't pay for assisted living and there is a criteria for admission to a NH. How sick are you. It sounds like your mother has poor judgement. Assisted living is private paying and is expensive. NH would apply to Medicaid for you. You would have to find a bed or put on a waiting list of NH you feel are appropriate. I would explain your own disability and how you cannot care for your mother. Nursing homes are 95 percent Medicaid funded and about 5 percent private pay. They will do the application for Medicaid. If she is not considered not sick enough to be placed in a nursing home. Then I would call an Elder Care or
and explain the situation. But, I have confidence a Nursing Home will take her. Just start with an application to a Nursing home.
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In some states there is a Medicaid waiver program that can cover Assisted Living Facilities. Some ALFs do not accept Medicaid at all, some will accept Medicaid only from residents who have been private pay for X years, others set aside a certain number of rooms. Many nursing homes accept Medicaid.

What level of care does your mother need? Do you have a case manager for your own partial disability? Perhaps you have no need to see this person often for yourself, but now you do have a need -- you need help in resolving your mother's housing needs. If you have a case worker, call him or her and set up an appointment.

You should be able to find your state's application forms online. Once you've looked them over, I think it will be to your benefit to work with an elder law attorney in applying for Medicaid. Yes, this costs. But mistakes and delays can be costly, too.

The regional Alzheimer's office may be able to help you with lists of facilities that care for persons with dementia and accept Medicaid.

Medicaid does not pay for Independent Living, as far as I know, but that would not be a suitable option for someone with dementia. It might work for a short while, but eventually people with dementia are not able to live on their own. Even Assisted Living might not be suitable, unless the facility has a dementia unit she could move into.
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Most facilities are only about 5 percent private pay. The rest of the money come from Medicaid. Any facility that is federally funded. Any one can apply for admission. Another way facility stays gets money. Is donations from the community and individual donors.
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Independent Living does not take Medicaid, nor does Assisted Living. If she comes home with car damage, report it to the police department. The judge will order a psychiatric evaluation that will prove the dementia. Do not pick her up from the hospital. They will find a place for her in a secure facility.
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