Follow
Share

Background: up until he was 93, he lived alone in another state with no support system. He drove to a drug store for food (Oreos and Coke). He drove to a restaurant daily to eat. He should not have been driving. My last visit the electrical was bad in the house, bathrooms leaked, etc etc. clothes were not washed. He refused help. My brother sold my dad’s car. I sold his house and we moved him to be near me. He’s now 94, getting worse. He’s in Assisted Living. Very little attention is being paid to him. His memory comes and goes. He has congestive heart failure. Do I move him to a different kind of care?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Has your dad had a complete medical evaluation to know what other issues he may be dealing with other than CHF? What info do you get from the staff at his assisted living about his health and activity level, such as if he’s eating well, participating in activities, etc?
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

I’m surprised the facility didn’t recommend that he be moved to memory care. Supposedly he will get more care. They are suppose to bathe him, take him to meals, dress him in the morning, dispense meds, etc. In most facilities, there is a big room where they hang out all day and the meals are also served in that room.

Ideally, they are always being supervised. But I walked into a memory care room to visit my husband, and not one caretaker was in the room. They showed up quick enough when they realized I was there. I usually go there unannounced. Overall, the level of care is higher, hopefully.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

Sounds like he may have some dementia...he first needs a full medical exam, then a determination for better placement.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

My stepdad was moved to assisted living at the age of 87. He had a full, busy life. The previous eight years he had been caring for mom with Alzheimer's, four of those with me as their 24/7 caregiver. He needed help too, and would not have been able to care for mom alone.

The first few weeks at AL the staff would come to escort him to meals. He would usually just go to lunch and would take mom from MC with him. He had a very full and busy life and had reached the point that he preferred alone time. That is ok. Some people are just not social and like their time alone. He was one of those, as am I. And staff have many people to care for and just do not have time to spend trying to get an elder interested in being social.

Does he need a higher level of care? Get an assessment done by his doctor to determine that. Ask staff where he is now their thoughts. Then decide. Also consider how difficult moves are on the elderly. A move nearly always causes decline, sometimes temporary. My thought is always if it is not broke do not attempt to fix it. There are too many unknowns.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

He sometimes eats with the group, sometimes not. Recently he’s been refusing to change clothes, bathe, etc. He doesn’t do any activities except fidget and write notes on paper. Sometimes he watches TV (mainly a news show that is local and repeats the same news all day long).
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My dad lived in assisted living. At first he was able to attend activities, enjoy meals with other residents, etc. but the last 4 months of his life he was having memory issues and did not know what time a day it was. Rather than move him, I had sitters with him 12 hours a day and they helped him go to activities and meals. You dad may just need more support to remain where he is or a dedicated memory care unit. Staff at his current facility should be able to provide input on his situation.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This is something I struggle with too in relation to my parents. When I start to wonder whether it is time for the next level of care, I have conversations with the folks at their graduated care facility (they started in Independent Living and are now in personal care AKA assisted living). In their facility it turns out there are four different levels of care within personal care. So I am keeping in touch with the personal care clinical director as I see my parents’ needs increase. It is so hard for us to know what to do because we have the emotional component to our decisions. That’s why I rely on the folks at the facility to help me through that part. I hope this is helpful to you. It’s a difficult journey. I wish for you strength and clarity.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I moved both parents into Memory Care within months of them going into a home. My Mom was upset because she couldn't come and go as easily, but in the home she's in, they check up on her every 10 minutes... and she needs it. In the beginning she was complaining about being locked up, but after Dad passed, she went and looked at some of the non-Memory Care rooms and decided she liked her ocean view rooms better. I'm definitely have a good laugh over that.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Als are not for people who need a lot of care. They r not set up for that. There comes a time when its time for a nursing facility where there are more staff.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Dear c47090,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad's health. What an amazing man to have lived independently for as long as he has. I would definitely talk to the doctor and nurses. Congestive heart failure is very hard to manage. I wonder if maybe he could be depressed as well after living independently for so long. It must be hard to adjust to a new environment.

Talk to your dad and see if you can get to the bottom of how he is feeling and what he wants. I wish so much I had talked, really talked to my dad instead of assuming.

I hope you can find the right care for your dad.

Thinking of you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.