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Thank you everyone for your input. Mom has an emergency call button, and lives in an apartment building where people check on each other. She is visiting this weekend and perhaps she will visit more often. I know that she needs to make her own choice, and I will do my best to support her whatever she chooses. Also, we have worked with MD and PT. She has been told she will eventually be unable to walk. But she exercises daily to ward keep that day as far away as possible.
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In the meantime, does your mom have a Personal Emergency Response System (PERS) in her home? This provides a way for her to summon help if she has "fallen down and can't get up" There are many affordable units on the market for this and the best ones have an affordable monthly subscription plan that can be canceled without penalty if the situation changes. It will give both of you peace of mind.
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I think it varies from elder to elder where they would like to live. Some prefer to live with their adult child. Some, like my mother, adamantly preferred to go into assisted living. She prized her independence above all else. Good idea to get her ideas on this.
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Weekend trials are a great idea, but does it really give you a good understanding of what full time care giving will be like? Why not try a month? You might find that it works or doesn't. Your relationship with your Mom should remain healthy - from both of your perspectives. If, after a month, you find it's too hard or your mom finds that she misses some independence, then you can always move her to assisted living. You've also got to look at the long term possibilities of caring for Mom at home. A month long trial at the Assisted living facility might also be possible. I know of a woman who spent her days at the AFL and nights at home for 5 months then she finally moved in. Mind you, she paid the full amount because she was there for all meals and the staff did light house keeping. Good luck
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I would see if your mother could spend a night at an asst living place that you were considering. That would give her a chance to make an informed decision.
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Meanwhile, there are specific exercises to build walking leg strength, sitting/standing strength, and exercises to increase one's sense of balance and "recovering" instinct (should you start to fall, a reaction to start recovering from it). I took Mom to such a class at Kaiser. I helped her do their excercises got her up and walking again.
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The only way to know if assited living is the best choice at this point is either by a health evaluation from her doctor or better talking with the people at the assited living and find out what criteria they have. Your mother needing 24/7 care and living 20 miles away sounds like some tough decisions are soon forthcoming and she can tell that she might be safer and you might be healthier with her somewhere else like assisted living.
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thanks. we have talked around it for months. i have been getting her to come over for weekend visits, but she needs someone nearby 24/7 (she lives 20 miles away). i think this is a good idea to nudge her to make a choice. sometimes it helps to get a different perspective, so again thanks
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give her an option and ask her where would she like to go ?
my dad said he wanted to be here with me and its been a pleasure , ive always told dad that my home is his home too ,
he tried assisted place , didnt like it , maybe ur mom would like it . >?
have a long talk and ask her where would she rather be at ? then you can go from there .
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