What if being around my mentally ill dad (74) makes me mad? Because of all the lies, deceitfulness and manipulation. Sometimes he's so obvious. Like being jealous of me, his daughter, for having a successful life. Why should I feel sorry for him? He made very poor choices in his life! Repeatedly!!!! Why should I feel guilty because my hubby and I are successful? I can be talking about someone and out of the blue he will say "they sure have a lot of money" in the most morose tone of voice. What is this about? Is this supposed to make me feel guilty? Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?
He actually has a decent retirement, yet he pisses it away to all of these religious organizations. You can't just give money to any and every organization! You have to be careful and research where your money is going.
I feel cheated. Cheated because I didn't have a father. He was too busy making life hell for me, my brother and mom. He was/is a religious NUT. Like he won't eat a ham at Christmas because he thinks he's Jewish. (No harm meant for anyone's sincere beliefs). I couldn't even listen to the RADIO growing up because all music was from the devil. He "faked" having a heart attack and "dying" in a chair in the living room. My brother and I rushed to his side trying to wake him up. He did wake up...yep and LAUGHED. I cannot begin to describe how manipulative he is! You don't have time to hear it all, and believe me, he has done so much!!! Is it so bad to say I really don't like my dad? Is that ok to say? I sometimes feel RAGE towards him. I'm so angry I'm the one dealing with this. I don't want this!!!!
Ive always been jealous of my friends and their relationships with their dad's. I can NEVER explain my situation, they wouldn't understand why I really don't want to spend time with my dad.
I feel a certain duty as no one in his family wants anything to do with him! Not even his own sister.
My parents divorced nearly 25 years ago. And my brother lives many states away!
Anyway, he's in another mental health facility. This seems like the best one yet. The case worker seemed so nice. She said he would be there at least 2 weeks and after that home health care. I told her that he couldn't live with me.
Anyway, I went to see him yesterday and I was actually ok and felt sincere about most everything until I told him that I was worried that he almost died. (He had stopped eating and drinking. We had been to 3 emergency rooms, ICU and another mental health facility since Feb 23rd.) As soon as I said that he said "WHEN" like tell me the exact time you thought I was gonna die. His whole demeanor changed. I can't deal with that! It's like a switch flipped. Oh, he also wrote a letter to God. Then on the back, responded as if he were God. It was postmarked from NC, another whole state away.What the heck? That is SO CRAZY. The postmark was during his stay in ICU!! !(I've been checking his mail and keeping up with his bills with his checking account) Did someone mail it for him???
I'm so SICK of crazy. I want peace in my life. If you are a praying person, please pray for me.