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My wife is 74 with late stage dementia. Her talk is now just gibberish. What happens if I can't care for her at home, Medicaid will not approve us (we don't have much savings but we make a little over the Medicaid income limit for a couple), and we can't afford a nursing home? .She becomes a bag lady?

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You are a remarkable man, Warren, for providing such hands on loving care for your wife

Not sure where you are in the timeline but hope the atty provided some useful guidance

Do you gave enough funds to get some help in the house a few hours a day to give you a rest ?
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Warren that is good news maybe the three weeks did it for her, my husband had 31 days in a medicine rehab unit 3 years ago and never had to change the combination since. You will learn to see the agitation start to build and enough time to get her a cup of tea or decaf coffee with a calming Med in it. Your income sources will be reduced to ruble if you attemp the spend down and selling of properties, if she was to have to go into a NH you will be paying $$$$ for quite awhile until you meet all the requirements. When & if things get worse here I will hire help, but for me it's one on one and it's working ok, just remember when she's up live in her world, and never disagree with her, I learned the hard way. Keep us posted, by the way I'm in Maryland not far from you.
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Her speech and walking is coming back and she slept 10 hours last night (first time over 5 hours in three weeks at hospital) and woke up stiff. The doctor seems to have done a great job getting the best combination of drugs. She is very happy to be home, calm, and not agitated. Seeing the elder law lawyer next week probably to tell me I have to sell our rental properties to reduce income and then spend all our life savings like mad down to $2,000. Maybe a luxury world cruise with a 24/7 nurse? Sorry grand kids.
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Hi Warren, I think you already know the answer, there is none. I brought my husband home from the VA hospital with total body bruises and cut head. Nobody wants them unless you have lots of extra $$$$$ each month. Many NHs won't accept Medicaide only private pay. Real rat race. I don't even qualify for a hospital bed for him. Forget VA aid & attendance too much income. Hopefully the three weeks helped to get your wife on the correct meds, not a bandaid fix that blows up in your face in two weeks. No one wants our Alzheimer's Diseased husbands & wives, so we jump in & do the best we can on the meds they give us to keep them calm. And the having family come - unless family members are a constant the AD spouce is not very receptive being left alone with them. I am in year 9, I am tired and I do love my husband, what's left of him. Keep in contact.
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Can you take her to the nearest emergency room to photo document the bruises and her current condition?
Or, do you just need to take her home?
When you again call 911 to find her if she elopes, or for some help restraining her, if will be you who is accused of causing the bruises.
Don't give up, just don't give up!
If you don't mind, today I will start praying for you and your wife.
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Warren, to piggyback on previous posts, were they able to titrate her meds so that her agitation is now under control?

Have you met with Eldercare attorney yet about Medicaid?

How are you holding up, dear man? Your love for your wife shines through.
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Also, Warren, if she is that resistant, how are you going to be able to care for her in the home?
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Is the staff at the Psychiatric hospital qualified to know her physical health conditions?
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Warren, I am very surprised your wife doesn't qualify for Hospice care. By the way in my area, only a doctor can make that decision, not a nurse.
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Wife being discharged today after three weeks in that hell hole. She is covered in bruises from the aids 'restraining' her to wash and dress her. She can no longer speak or walk or even brush her teeth like she could before entering hospital. I will be bringing the poor girl home thank God. Hospice nurse checked her yesterday and said she did not qualify for Medicare hospice care.
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Another thought-the attorney is for only your wife and her best interests, hired to make sure she gets the appropriate placement, not to home.
1/2 of the savings can be allotted towards that, thus applying towards what the government calls the spend down, or should we say, their idea of nirvana to achieve gov't benefits.
Hope your attorney is helpful with not only advice, but actually taking charge to immediately execute any necessary documents to put a plan in place.
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Warren, You are exactly right about the penalties for being married in the eyes of the government. Your thinking is logical.
However, even though others have divorced to obtain the proper benefits for a loved one (not to cheat the government, but so that they themselves can survive),
the government has put a stop to that, investigates cases where they think the divorce was to obtain government benefits.

Did you ever serve in the armed forces? The VA has an Aid and Attendance benefit for your wife too.

All options should be explored, with an advocate.

When is the discharge gojng to happen?
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Warren,
You just do not have enough information yet to proceed. You need help, in the right direction.

Worse case scenario, they negligently send her home without the proper placement and care, and after the call to 911, back she goes for reassessment.

Sorry that you and your wife are not yet getting the help she will need.
Contact the patient's rights advocate listed on the facility's paperwork
or at the office, or at the nursing station. Just make that call.

If you can, find out more about hospitals releasing patients to the streets, and the ensuing lawsuits in the news, abounding. Of course you don't want to sue any party, because you have enough stress. If you were fully armed with information and facts, a warrior for truth fighting for what's right, against wrongs, you could contact the news and have them report to raise awareness of your plight.

Are you able to get an advocate for yourself? Again, I think you need help.

I have read on here that people have strongly suggested not to allow them to send her home, and not for you to sign the discharge papers. Sounds harsh, but it may be necessary to force the care she needs. Maybe even making her a ward of the state, I don't know, but I know you need help, maybe an attorney.

For your benefit, stay with this question, don't start another question yet. It is so hard to get to know you or to help you if you keep moving from question to question.

Can someone help this man and his wife?
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I will be meeting with a Elder Care attorney in a couple weeks,
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Of course she is the only one sick and therefore the only one needing or applying for Medicaid. We are married so the Medicaid income limit must be based of our JOINT income as a family, Not just her income. The government discourages marriage. Maybe we should get a divorce then we would qualify for all kinds of benefits.
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I'd consult with an experienced Elder Care attorney who knows Medicaid laws and estate planning, so you can know where you stand on the financial requirements and if there are things you can do to help her comply, according to the laws. Information about funds, assets, incomes is vital. AND although you say you make a little over the Medicaid limit, there may be EXCEPTIONS that only a trained person may know about. For example, I have heard that some states have funds that pay for certain disabled adults in Assisted Living, especially, Memory Care AL. And that due to it costing more, your income may be variable. I would at least check it out and leave no stone unturned, as it is a huge responsibility to provide around the clock care for a dementia patient in the home, even with outside help.
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Warren, have you tried to have only your wife qualify for Medicaid? Would having half the income coming in and half the assets help her to qualify?
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No Warren, she doesn't become a bag lady! You have been doing this on your own for a while now, so now you need to bring in reinforcements! Get Hospice involved if her Dr can qualify her, or arrange for some home health aids. Expensive, yes, but you may jot be able to manage her at home on your own. Have you considered placing her in a Memory Center? Call your counties Area On Aging, Google them for your county, and have her assessed. The will be able to come up with suggestions, and help you with the arrangements. How about your kids, can they help you in any fashion? Maybe they can take a week here and there in a scheduled way, to give you additional help. What did the Social Worker meeting say, with regards to her coming home. You beed to research, and implement a care plan, and continue to tweak it, until you have the right formula for care. I'm sure that you are really tired from all of the previous weeks of evaluations and hospitalization, visiting and stress. Go about this in an orderly way. But start with getting help in the home, before making any big decisions. Did I hear you mention that you have a rental property? If you do, you may wish to think about selling it for monies for her care. You are going to have to think outside of the box, and also speak to her insurance companies, to find out all of the possible benifits available to you in the home. Work closely with her Dr's, and ask them for assistance! Good luck and hopefully more people will chime in with more idea's!
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Start by contacting your local senior center or Center for Aging. Explain your situation and needs (have the psychiatrist provide you with his expert diagnosis and prognosis) and ask their assistance in providing resources, options for financial assistance, in home care, residential care, home health, daycare, etc.

The psych likely will be discharging her back to you with a bunch of meds and then its in your hands. Overwhelming i know. Their job unfortunately is not to worry about you or her....just stabilize and discharge the problem back to the family. It becomes your problem to secure or takeover caregiving.

Start with above as a terrific resource and financial assistance possibilities and you might look into local caregiver support group to join. Not only for support but can also be a wealth of info on your new jouney.
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