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My wife has diabetes. She has severe lymph edema in her legs. She requires a great deal of help every day with changing bandages and cleaning, and by the end of the day I am pulling my hair out ready to scream. Just looking for support.

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There are many people in your situation, perhaps not with the exact kind of care giving you are needing to do, but still very exhausting, especially after coming home from hard days at work. For your own well being I suggest finding time to spend out of the house with friends or family doing fun or interesting things that have nothing to do with care giving or your work. You might still get frustrated with your wife's condition, but your moods will most likely be better overall. Learning to channel the frustrations to another feeling or to the root of the irritation helps too. I think we get upset not only because of being tired, but also because we are not engaging in all that we wish to be doing otherwise. Our desires and interests are being squelched.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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Baseball,
Yes you can come here any time of day or night and vent. You will get answers or just an ear to listen if that is all that is needed. support and suggestions are our mission. I can testify in court on that. This group here helped me a whole lot when I went thru it with Luz. I use her name because too much of the time using the pronoun did not sound right.
I am retired and have been for a few years but I still went thru it all.
You mentioned changing bandages and other things to help her. You left out the rest of the domestic chores that add to this. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
I was able to get some help thru a DRS. script. Visiting nurse, therapist, an aid to help bathe her. I hired companions for 4 hour when I needed to go out to do the shopping. Even when she slept I had to keep my ears open to hear her call or whatever. The companions were eventually very helpful but usually for just 4 hours at a time. Medical help was usually for an hour at a time and insurance covered it. Companions were self pay.
If you tell us what area you live in we might be able to help you find a support group by name. There might even be a group that will meet on the telephone.
You have made a great step forward by coming here. Return often.
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Reply to OldSailor
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After working 10 hrs a day & you still doing caregiving when you get home? Do you want to die before her? That’s what will happen if you keep this up. Get a caregiver for her & you go get supper for yourself & get ready for next day’s work...then go to sleep 😴. ..Sorry but you should not be expected to do that after working 10 hrs day!!!
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Reply to CaregiverL
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Here are some diabetes and/or caregiver support groups that I found located around Lake City, MN.  I hope that one of these groups will meet your needs.  

Lake City Mn diabetes support groups Lake City Medical Center ... MN. 55082. Phone: 651-430-8715.

https://threeriverscap.org/seniors/local-support
This is a list of memory loss or caregiver support groups in Goodhue, Rice, or Wabasha Counties.

Wabasha County / Lake City:
Caregiver Support Group: 4th Thursday of the month from 10:00am - 11:00am at the Lake City Library. Facilitated by Emma Onawa. This group targets spouses who are caring for an individual with memory loss or dementia. For more information: emmaonawa@unetus.com or 651-345-3737.

Red Wing:
Men Only Group (Men as Caregivers):  2nd Thursday of the month from 9:00am - 10:00am at Pier 55. This support and information group is for men who are the long-term care provider for a spouse or other person. All related topics associated with this responsibility are open for discussion. Facilitated by Nick Even. For more information: 651-327-2255.

https://mayoclinichealthsystem.org/classes-and-events/lake-city-diabetes-support-groups-1
Diabetes Support Group
Mayo Clinic Health System , Lake City, MN
Call 651-345-1187 for information about the next meeting.
A variety of speakers discuss topics related to living with diabetes.

Diabetes Support Group
First Tuesday of each month, 6:00-7:00 PM
(No meeting in July)
Stillwater Medical Group Specialty Clinic (1500 Curve Crest Blvd. Stillwater, MN)
Call (651) 430-8715 for information

http://www.diabetes.org/in-my-community/local-offices/?states_covered=MN
Minnesota - Minneapolis-Saint Paul
8000 West 78th Street, Suite 175
Edina, Minnesota 55439
763-593-5333  
 
https://www.lssmn.org/services/older-adults/caregiver-support
Lutheran Family Services, 1.800.582.5260 / 651.642.5990
2485 Como Ave., St Paul, MN 55108
Caregiver Support & Respite
As a family caregiver, your well-being is as important as the care you provide.

Whether you need a break from your caregiving responsibilities to tackle your to-do list, resources to grow your caregiving skills, time to see friends and family, or a nap to recharge — we can step in. We also offer groups where you can connect with others in the same situation. 

Caregiver Coaching and Counseling, Caregiver Classes and Workshops,  Caregiver Support Groups, Respite Care (In Home)
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Reply to DeeAnna
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Baseball2019 Apr 3, 2019
Thank you very much!
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Well you just started the first step, you asked and told us your issues and now you have a sounding board. If I did not have this site I definitely would have gone absolutely insane. Lots of information and learning how to handle situations in a different way.

Hugs and keep the faith.
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Reply to Rowena2655
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Find a caregiver group and go to one of their meetings . It will help out a lot
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Reply to Scarlettrene
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Baseball2019 Apr 2, 2019
Not sure where to look?
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Baseball, is it possible to get her an aid? Then she can be cleaned and bandaged before you get home.

It is challenging for sure to have everything fall on your shoulders. And when we feel like we are ready to pop, it is time to change things.

Has she checked into any surgery that would help her loose weight? She will not have a very long life if she doesn't make changes now. My cousin had a lap ban and she has already lost 160 pounds.

Do you guys have insurance? Have her get on the phone and find out what services she would qualify for. Perhaps she can find her own aid to come help her. She has to step up and start taking some responsibility for her condition, it's hard but it's very doable. Finding a way to help herself and take some of the pressure off you will make her feel better.

You are a good man to be doing all you are, this will sort out, keep the faith.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Vent all you want! It’s so hard being a caregiver. No, it’s not your wife’s fault and I am glad you are aware of that but it still doesn’t take the burden off of you.

You have worked all day. You need time to relax. She needs you. It’s difficult for both of you. There is no easy solution. Check to see if you can get respite care, or if you can afford a sitter occasionally, I hope you will hire someone to help out so you can get a break. All of us need a break from time to time.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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You say YOU NEED SUPPORT, Call your local Area on Aging they offer caregiver support; call your local NAMI chapter, their focus is on mental health but you might benefit too Caregiving often leads to depression, they offer support groups that are free; SEEK counsel from local church pastors/priest it may help you when you are at the end of your rope.
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Reply to deborah009
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Baseball, come here and vent. Most of us are or were caregivers.

You can vent, ask for ideas, even yell, scream and cry. You will find many here that will support you the best we can.

Don't be shy, read some of the older posts and you will see that there have been discussions about very hard topics.

You and your wife are so young to be going through this, no wonder you are ready to pull your hair out.

Hugs! Venting here will help you.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Baseball2019 Apr 2, 2019
Thank you. I just don't want to direct any anger towards her. It's not her fault she is dealing with this disease (diabetes) and is in a lot of pain every day. But to come home from a 10 hr work day and then have to change bandages and clean wounds is very challenging. I should also add that she is obese and cannot do a lot of daily care for herself, so that falls to me as well. Biggest challenge I've ever had in my life.
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AARP can help you find a caregiver's support group near you. It might be worth checking out. Call or visit their webpage. A visiting nurse might also be helpful and I believe can be set up by your wife's physician. My mom sees a geriatric specialist and this woman has been wonderful to us as a family. She has social workers who work for her practice specifically and talk with us when we bring mom in for her visits. The doctor also provides reading materials that have actually helped. The most important thing for you to do is to take care of yourself, find a way to let off steam - regular walks, a hobby, a club, swim at the Y - anything to help you get away for a little while at least a couple of times a week. You can't be of any help to your wife, cheerful or angry, if you get sick and stress will do that.
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Reply to lablover64
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Check with your local social services department to see what can be offered. Is she on disability yet?
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Reply to MACinCT
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I Googled "Home Health in Lake City, MN" and found these websites. (Copy & Paste to your browser)

https://www.carepathways.com/mn/home-health-care-lake-city/
Home Health Care in Lake City, MN can be categorized as either non-medical (home care) or Medicare certified (home health). Non-medical home care includes personal care and help with everyday activities, while Medicare certified home health involves skilled nursing and rehabilitation. Elderly residents of Lake City, MN may require home health after an injury or illness, whereas non-medical home care is provided long-term to seniors with declining physical and mental abilities. This directory includes agencies near Lake City, MN and the surrounding areas. It's not uncommon for agencies to cover multiple counties. Pay close attention to minimum hours and affiliations / recognitions. Call to compare rates and keep in mind that the average cost of a home health aide in Lake City, MN is $30 per hour (according to John Hancock's 2016 Cost of Care Survey). Finally, contact your local Area Agency on Aging to ask about family caregiver respite and senior transportation services.

http://semaaarochestermn.org/
-The Senior LinkAge Line®,...for Minnesota seniors, is a free service offering assistance to older adults and their caregivers who wish to age well in their community. The Senior LinkAge Line®, can be reached at 800-333-2433. Seven regional contact centers are available to provide assistance throughout the state. The Senior LinkAge Line® is a service of the Minnesota Board on Aging and Area Agencies on Aging.
-For Caregivers: Whether you are looking for help at home; exploring ideas about the options and programs available; or trying to find a specific service like transportation or respite, our Senior LinkAge Line® specialists can guide you. We keep abreast of the growing network of community-based services, housing options, assistance programs, healthy aging workshops, caregiving support groups and more.

I also sent you a private message on your Profile page with more suggestions.  Hope that you can find some help with your wife at one of these organizations.
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Reply to DeeAnna
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Sometimes we just need friends and people to talk to, caregiving is horribly lonely and draining.
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Reply to Cherrysoda
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Baseball2019 Apr 2, 2019
We have a nurse coming in weekly, and I have been able to get help for her, I should have clarified I am seeking help for myself. I am working a full time job and providing care for her when I am home. My concern is I get tired, then angry, and end up taking out some of my frustration on her, and I don't want to do that. So I am seeking help for myself in the form of someone to talk to about this so I don't get angry at her, because that isn't helping things at all.
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Your wife is only 55?

How long has she needed this level of care? Hasn't her doctor been able to suggest what kind of support might be available?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Baseball2019 Apr 2, 2019
She has diabetes, and is also obese. She has had a lot of serious medical issues and is to the point now where she can only walk around the house on crutches, and can only stand for a limited time. She exhibits a lot of symptoms normally found in much older people.
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There are several places to go to hire help- you can call your local department of Aging for their recommendations. More than likely those charges will be paid out of pocket by you unless you have a LTC policy.

The avg RN rate here in my area (Metro DC) is about $40hr; for CNA about $10-15/hr. Most of the agencies will ask for a certain # of hours per day- meaning it can be hard to get 2 hrs or less but I can be wrong.

If wife is Medicaid she may be eligible for in home CGs for a few hours a week.

Do a google search for home health care agancies in your area and call them.

I would also consider taking her to a woundcare center or a lymphedema clinic for treatment of her puffy ankles and legs. They have leg wraps to use now that are much improved over treatment options available in the past.

Lymphedema is a challenge to care for. It needs almost constant care. I’m sure you know to elevate her legs while setting & not to wear add salt to her food

Make sure the staff you hire suit your needs. If you have doctors order for woundcare you will have to hire a RN. If you choose to do all the medical then hire a CNA to assist with ADL’s & hygiene.

Consider an agency over private companies as they most likely can cover your wife’s absence if wife is ill.
Often with private pay out of pocket CG if they get sick there maybe no staff to replace them and you end up taking care of her.
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Reply to Shane1124
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2, 2019
My mom has the swelling too. I hate putting on those compression stockings! A pain in the butt! My mom isn’t obese. She needs to gain weight but still has swelling. It is a challenge. She does elevate her legs. I need to look into the wraps instead of the stockings.
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