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My mom has been living with my husband & I for years. She has no assets, just her Social Security check (approximately $1100.00 monthly). She is 94 and in generally good health, but has macular degeneration in both eyes, early stage dementia, and is completely dependent on us for all aspects of her care. She is a fall risk. 3 falls in the past year resulting in a broken shoulder & compression fractures in L1&L2 when she attempts to get herself to the bathroom unassisted during the night. We both work full-time jobs, have not slept thru the night since November and are basically just running ourselves into the ground. We are not wealthy people. We both work because we have to work. My mother's ss $ has been used by the household to pay for food, clothing, housing/housing expenses. We have never created any type of documents, but I am on my mom's checking account and she has willingly contributed to the household for close to 10 years. I am an only child, so this is not about sharing with siblings, but more a question about how we go about getting help, (someone to be with her in our home, places we can take her a few days a week, somewhere to take her for overnights if necessary) as much for us as for her. We do not have the financial ability to pay for much. Any feedback will be appreciated. We just want her to be safe, clean, treated with respect and be able to get some rest or simply be able to run errands or go out to eat.

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Just this bit: "My mother's ss $ has been used by the household to pay for food, clothing, housing/housing expenses. "

Mm? For your mother's food, clothing, fair share of housing and household expenses - fine, no problem. General benevolent fund contributing to everybody else, though - not fine.

As you're veering towards Medicaid territory, this would be a good time to start keeping careful track of mother's money; and definitely separate it out from the household income. Meanwhile, figure out what her pro rata share of the household outgoings should be. I doubt if you've exceeded it, but it's best to be ready to demonstrate that you have behaved properly.
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You guys definitely need/deserve some respite. Look into getting her on Medicaid. According to the American Elder Care website, Medicaid can help with some of the costs of personal care in the home. It doesn't hurt to talk to them and see what they can provide. Certainly $1100/mo should qualify her. And as recommended in other answers, check out your area Agency on Aging. Wish you the best!
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I think you would want to check out an elder care or companion agency. It sounds like she would benefit from it and you need a break. I assume she is home alone while you both work? You could get a caregiver/companion in a few hours a day for peace of mind and safety. I do it professionally. Depending on where you live you can hire through an agency or privately. It's not cheap, but you can keep the cost down by hiring someone to come in maybe 3 hours a day. It sounds like other than what you've listed, her health is Ok, but she definitely needs some assistance, so maybe you can use part of her money to go to her care during your working hours or maybe over a weekend so you guys can get a break. It's worth it to pay for a good caregiver; she'll have someone to watch out for her, a little company and you guys get a reprieve. Call all the caregiving companies in your area to check out what they do and their charge. Ask them about their background checks/vetting policies. Ask for referrals - that's important.
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I think you would want to check out an elder care or companion agency. It sounds like she would benefit from it and you need a break. I assume she is home alone while you both work? You could get a caregiver/companion in a few hours a day for peace of mind and safety. I do it professionally. Depending on where you live you can hire through an agency or privately. It's not cheap, but you can keep the cost down by hiring someone to come in maybe 3 hours a day. It sounds like other than what you've listed, her health is Ok, but she definitely needs some assistance, so maybe you can use part of her money to go to her care during your working hours or maybe over a weekend so you guys can get a break. It's worth it to pay for a good caregiver; she'll have someone to watch out for her, a little company and you guys get a reprieve. Call all the caregiving companies in your area to check out what they do and their charge. Ask them about their background checks/vetting policies. Ask for referrals - that's important.
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Start by looking up your local Area Agency on Aging. They can provide a needs assessment and advise you on what help is available.
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Thank you.
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Dear Deborah,

As an only child I know there is a lot on your shoulder and you are trying to give your mom the best care possible. I would try to speak with a family doctor, social worker or town office about where to look for community supports for the elderly. There resources out there but sometimes its hard to know where to look.
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