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My husband and I are the caregivers to my mother who has Alzheimer's and is entering the final stages. I've hired a helper before but it went badly because the woman would disregard what my mother wanted and did what she wanted to do instead. She also didn't seem to understand personal boundaries. I had to let her go. I realize that I can do the bulk of what my mom needs done if I can get someone reliable to come in a look after her when I'm called away for business or have to leave for shopping and errands. It would also be nice to get someone in who does light housekeeping. I haven't a clue where to begin looking for someone like this. I live in a small town with no programs for elderly people. Any ideas would be welcome. Thanks.

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I'm so sorry that you've had such a bad experience with home care agencies...you and your mom. Can you contact the agency and tell them about your previous experience and ask for a different nurse. When nurse comes to the house, have your mom in a private area so that she can be examined with dignity and in private. And of course, speaking with the agency beforehand on the phone about what to expect is key.
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I'm going to make a few calls later today. Another bad experience happened about a year ago when my mother was released from the hospital. I asked the doctor to enroll her in the home care program. They send out a nurse every few days to check on the patient and help with care instructions. The intake nurse came out to the house to do her intake forms and examine my mother. Her first mistake was addressing just me and ignoring my mother and all of her input. Her second mistake happened during the exam. When the nurse said she wanted to examine my mother to check for pressure sore, I attempted to take mom to the bedroom for some privacy since my husband and another lady were there. The nurse said it wasn't necessary, then fast as lightening she lifted my mothers house dress there in the living room. I fired her and called her boss. I explained that my promise to my mother was never to allow her to be treated in an undignified manner or any manner that she would not have allowed herself. Lifting her dress and exposing her adult underwear and nearly naked body to others was wrong. The supervisor apologized, but I've been worried since about this level of insensitivity. I need help, but at the same time, I worry about hiring the wrong help. Like I said, there isn't much out here to chose from. Thank you all for your help.
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I would think that you should talk to her doctor who can order home care (bath aide, light housekeeping) through an agency like Visiting Nurse Service. Hospice is also an idea. But it all starts with her doctor.
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Try calling hospital and ask about HOSPICE. Look on this site, there are lots of old questions, discussions, and advice. Filter through them and choose what best fits your needs. My mom is in a board and care, and Hospice comes out once a week to monitor her. She had a seizure and has been declining slowly. One time when caretaker was giving her a shower, I was there and she collapsed. I called 911 and hospice. Hospice said, don't 911 anymore, this is the time where we keep her as comfortable as possible, no more hospital trips....Keep her safe warm and comfortable at "home". Take care
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I don't know if anyone is around in your town that can help. You could try calling your county human services and look for some referrals. They might send someone out to do an evaluation and let you know what is available. Many states have programs to help the elderly "age in place." There may be resources around that you are not familiar with. I do hope that this is the case.
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