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My mom just turned 66. She’s been living with me for a few years since a long hospitalization, a year of hospice, and being diagnosed with COPD and becoming oxygen dependent. She’s still extremely active. It blows my mind sometimes, but I cannot live with her anymore. I’ve reached my limit. She has taken over my entire house. I practically live in my room. She has visitors over all the time. She’s noisy. The phone is constantly ringing. She gets confused working a tv, a toaster oven, a flip cell phone, etc and is in CONSTANT need of reminding how to use these things among others. She’s accident prone because she doesn’t focus on what she’s doing. She’s recently had a couple fender benders. I’m doing this all alone with her and I’m on disability myself with severe depression, anxiety, and back injuries. There’s literally no siblings or any other family. I NEED HELP! Please! I’m afraid to just pick any organization. Can someone please recommend a place that can help my mom choose a place? She’s on SSI and she doesn’t want to live with severely elderly people and she she doesn’t want to lose too much of her independence. If we can’t find a perfect place for her she will never agree to go! Thanks to anyone that read this and offers any advice.

Assisted living may not be enough care, does she have dementia? My Mother has had dementia for 3 to 5 years, and was in care at a lockdown dementia care facility, Dad brought her home 2 1/2 months later,then passed away just a couple weeks later. Mom was put in hospital due to a fall, then into assisted living (not the best answer for her) Her care has not been the best, multiple falls,etc.etc. I would have been P.O.A. but was dying at the time, and shortly after was told I had 3 to 5 days to live. Meanwhile a stranger to family stepped up and took P.O.A. after I SAID NO TO THE STRANGER.People are so devious, and will take advantage deviously, only if there is money involved. Had Mother had no money the stranger would never taken P.O.A. Now I was told you State Ombuds (licenseor of nursing homes, that Mother's medical records do not show that she was ever in the dementia lockdown facility! I said why? She said she did not know why. I went to Google search and put in, (mother was in dementia lockdown facility, stranger took P.O.A. even tho family said No! Why did this happen) Google took me to a website article said elder abuse rampant in Ca. Nursing homes, wherein med. Records have been altered, changed, incidents not being recorded properly, thus elder abuse lawsuits are filed everywhere. Nursing homes, assisted living facilities, may not be best answer for your loved one, they are only as good IF THE WORKERS, ARE TRUTHFUL AND HONEST, THUS BE VERY CARES WHAT YOU DECIDE. Take care. By the way I did not die in hospice, God miraculously healed me, this was one year ago.
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Riverdale Mar 1, 2019
What did God heal you from?
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It is commendable that you have taken your Mother in, but since she has taken over your home and this has stressed you out - it's time to find Mom another place. When I had to move my Dementia/Alzheimer's Dad and Mom from Nevada to Utah, I checked all the Independent and Assisted Living Communities in the area we were going to move them.  Pick 3 and get ratings on line, then schedule visits to each.  I have found that the lines between "Independent Living" and "Assisted Living" have become blurred.   There are more and more communities being build that are "age in place", where your Mom can start out "independent", then help can be added as necessary.  I would Highly recommend looking at those first.  A lot of times IL doesn't offer 24 hour nursing staff available, should your Mom fall at night or need assistance.  You pay for this - but it offers piece of mind.  All the best.
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Reply to CapeSanBlas
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So shes driving, managing to eat, getting cleaned up and dressed on her own. Maybe just needs a little easier life style and socialization (away from you!) It sounds like an Independent Living apartment might be suitable, since she really doesn’t need much “assistance”. Moms IL place provided 3 meals a day, each apartment had a small kitchette, lots of activites, the residents could keep their cars. They could provide no assistance but needed to call 911 if somebody fell. But as residents needed more and more help the resident could hire an independently contracted aid to come in to help them take their meds or take a shower, whatever. IL is private pay and ran Mom about $3200/ mo. Some people had 24 care, yikes, some needed nothing and still drove, so it was a mixture of abilities. She lived there for 6 years until a surgery put her into a nursing home. Just google Independent Living apartments in your area and take a look to see if they’d be appropriate. Assisted living in my area is a little more structured, has nurses and rehab etc, and is even more expensive. The facilities here look a lot like IL, but can assist with showering, hygiene, meds etc for an additional cost paid to the facility.
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From what you describe your mother is past the point of Independent Living but may be fine for AL. Is she willing to consider that? It would be best to try to secure durable POA while she can be lucid. What she is doing on her own can prove to be dangerous. I don't know any of your financials. AL can be costly, more so depending on where you live. Is she on medications and under the care of a doctor? It would be helpful if you provide more details however I want to state again that I don't think independent living is the answer and she most likely should not continue to drive. My mother is in AL. She entered it after a hospital stay. She has not always been happy but she was willing to go for her safety and well being. She has a long term care policy. I hope you get more advice. Perhaps you could provide more details.
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songbirdmc Mar 1, 2019
Hi there!

Yes, thank you for your response. I am definitely worried about the financial aspect because my mom gets SSI a monthly check of less than $800, but she has medicade and medicare. I heard that the insurance helps, but I’m not sure if I’m getting correct information. What is a place for mom and other organizations that help you find a facility? I saw one on this site too. Are they safe to use? I’m going to need help finding a place that will accept my mom and her financial limitations. Is there any other specific details that would be helpful?
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Have you considered a group home type of facility?
(sorry, I can't really advise what is available because I don't know where you live)
Your local agency on aging can do a needs assessment and should have good advice about the options available in your area.
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songbirdmc Mar 1, 2019
Thank you. We live in Florida. We really want to move, to another state, but I’m on disability and my mom has SSI and I heard moving out of state is difficult when you’re on those because you have to switch everything over.
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