Please arrange safe care of your wife by others ASAP, so you can find help for yourself.
Please call a crises line or your local Doctor to ask about emergency respite care for your wife & emergency mental health support for yourself. Today.
988 is the suicide hot line number. You say you don't agree with suicide, Tom as it is "self-murder". So I am assuming you have no suicidal ideation. You say you would like to stop living. That is not, of course, in our own control unless we stop eating and drinking. Many have done this, but it is quite an unpleasant way to go toward the end when organ shutdown causes mental breakdown. You need to seek counseling so that you can be helped, or see your MD for medications for depression. You may need to stop doing 24/7 caregiving if it is now too much for you. I am sorry you are going through pain. My father felt much as you do. He was in his early 90s, and had had a wonderful loving life, but he was exhausted with it. Not ill, simply tired of it. Said he would stay napping forever if he could. It was just his wish to be allowed to die, but his body kept plugging on. He was able to talk about it and really it had nothing to do with illness, depression or anything else. The young don't understand it, but many many elders are just over it and wish to go. As a nurse patients expressed this to me so often, and said that their families simply would not allow them to speak about what was in their hearts, so they told me, their nurse. I, myself, at 80 now, am more than READY to go. I don't WISH to go, but I surely wouldn't be kicking about it. I fear pain and helplessness, but death, not whatsoever.
Tombatom, please reach out to the Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255, and ask for help. I'm sure your wife does not want to lose you to suicide. There is help out there, but you're going to have to ask for it. I'm praying that you will do just that. May God bless you and keep you.
Are you talking about Hospice? For them you just call an agency and have them evaluate wife and if ur wife fits the criteria they will admit her. But, if done in the home you have most of the care.
You can place her in Long-term care. If you have no assets, other than your home and car, you maybe able to get Medicaid for her. You then become a community spouse, staying in your home, having a car and enough or all of your monthly income to live on.
If you have assets, Medicaid allows you to split them. Wifes split goes for her care in LTC and just before its gone, you apply for Medicaid. You will need an Elder Lawyer to help you here.
Who are you wanting to kill, yourself or your wife? If you are overwhelmed with your wife's care then it's time to have her placed in the appropriate facility where others will take over her 24/7 care and you can get back to just being her loving husband and advocate. Have you looked into bringing hospice on board for your wife? Even once she's placed they will have a nurse come once a week to start, aides to come bathe her at least twice a week, supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications, all covered 100% under your wife's Medicare. You need help and I hope and pray that you will reach out to all available senior resources in your area and hospice to get it. God bless you.
Go to your google or other search engine. Type in the name of your state and "right to die laws". There are currently I think 21 states that have these laws. However, the person requesting must always have fewer than 6 months left to live per their physician(s). And they must be able to self administer the medications. What you are basically saying in the note you write us is that you are seeking end of life medications for someone ELSE. That doesn't work! Only a patient him or herself can request permission for final exit and must be able to self administer the drugs. If you can no longer do this care, and certainly at 81 I cannot imagine that you can, it is time for placement, and for you to make loving visits to your wife. I am sorry for the agony of you both, but what you are suggesting is "murder" when written as you have done.
Please call a crises line or your local Doctor to ask about emergency respite care for your wife & emergency mental health support for yourself. Today.
You say you don't agree with suicide, Tom as it is "self-murder". So I am assuming you have no suicidal ideation. You say you would like to stop living. That is not, of course, in our own control unless we stop eating and drinking. Many have done this, but it is quite an unpleasant way to go toward the end when organ shutdown causes mental breakdown.
You need to seek counseling so that you can be helped, or see your MD for medications for depression. You may need to stop doing 24/7 caregiving if it is now too much for you.
I am sorry you are going through pain.
My father felt much as you do. He was in his early 90s, and had had a wonderful loving life, but he was exhausted with it. Not ill, simply tired of it. Said he would stay napping forever if he could. It was just his wish to be allowed to die, but his body kept plugging on. He was able to talk about it and really it had nothing to do with illness, depression or anything else. The young don't understand it, but many many elders are just over it and wish to go. As a nurse patients expressed this to me so often, and said that their families simply would not allow them to speak about what was in their hearts, so they told me, their nurse.
I, myself, at 80 now, am more than READY to go. I don't WISH to go, but I surely wouldn't be kicking about it. I fear pain and helplessness, but death, not whatsoever.
There is help out there, but you're going to have to ask for it.
I'm praying that you will do just that.
May God bless you and keep you.
You can place her in Long-term care. If you have no assets, other than your home and car, you maybe able to get Medicaid for her. You then become a community spouse, staying in your home, having a car and enough or all of your monthly income to live on.
If you have assets, Medicaid allows you to split them. Wifes split goes for her care in LTC and just before its gone, you apply for Medicaid. You will need an Elder Lawyer to help you here.
Have you looked into bringing hospice on board for your wife? Even once she's placed they will have a nurse come once a week to start, aides to come bathe her at least twice a week, supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications, all covered 100% under your wife's Medicare.
You need help and I hope and pray that you will reach out to all available senior resources in your area and hospice to get it.
God bless you.
What you are basically saying in the note you write us is that you are seeking end of life medications for someone ELSE. That doesn't work! Only a patient him or herself can request permission for final exit and must be able to self administer the drugs.
If you can no longer do this care, and certainly at 81 I cannot imagine that you can, it is time for placement, and for you to make loving visits to your wife.
I am sorry for the agony of you both, but what you are suggesting is "murder" when written as you have done.