My mom has been suffering with dementia since she was 55 years old (she’s 68 now). I’ve come to move in with her 2 years ago. She also has major depression disorder she’s struggles with. We never got along but I’m here to do what’s right. I’ve cleaned out her home because it was a disaster from her hoarding. She continues to be upset with me and always accusing me of taking things because of this… I’ve done a poa for her since her debt was out of control. My mom has no ambition to try and do daily living skills which I realize she may have forgotten these skills. I just got the house transferred to my name but NYS and the 5 year look back I’m scared they will revolk the transfer if I put her in an assisted living home. I am a single mom with a job that has me working remote. I have an aide coming in a couple times to just give me some relief and it was in hopes it would give my mom some motivation but my mom just goes back to her room once they leave. I feel stuck I don’t have much family support and I’m an only child. So it’s just been sooo stressful and part of me feels that an assisted living home would be best now that she sorta knows what’s going on even though she can be super forgetful. But I’m just running thin with the stress and I’m just so unsure…. Help!
I don't think 5 years of your life is worth a crummy piece of property but, some do.
To be frank the time is now or some time ago for me, proving that this is an individual question for an individual caretaker, YOU. Only you can make the decision. I don't know the prognosis on your Mom's diagnosis, but she can live decades more in your good care. Only you can decide when you are ready for this. There is no reason to feel guilt; what you will feel is the other G word which is grief, that this must be the ongoing long ending for your Mom. I am so sorry.
the ideal scenario would be that the house would have been sold and the proceeds used to pay for her care. That would be either caregivers that come in or Assisted Living and an eventual transition to Memory Care. Keep in mind that in AL a person can leave anytime they wish. All they have to do is sign out. So if there is a concern mom would wander off AL would not be a good option.
Very possible that mom also has depression, has she seen a doctor? You can not "cure" a hoarder by cleaning the house. Hoarding is the result/symptom of a mental illness that should be treated.
There will be others well versed in the ins and outs of Medicaid that will chime in on the transfer of the property.