When you no longer exist as a daughter?

Robin
I'm so sorry for your pain!!
A couple things come to mind.
1) The sooner you can understand that the mother you used to know and love is no longer there the better. Alzheimer's robs them of their memories. It's not personal, it's Alzheimer's!
2) Seek counseling!!!
Maybe someone who deals with caregivers. It's a great start coming here!! You'll get lots of helpful advice, but there is a deeper healing that comes from a one on one relationship with a counselor.
Again, it's not personal it's Alzheimer's.
Take care of yourself!!
God bless!!

This is tough. What is more tough, is when they lose the POWER OF SPEACH. One day they just stop talking.... :( How do you deal with that? Put a smile on your face, hold her hands, play her music... and dance with with, how ever whatever. give heer a milshake with some Ensure in it, make it somewhat health. happy music...... dance, hold her hand, do not bring up the mother daughter thing, unless she asks. just storm in with music in hand, shake in hand, and huge smile, and SAY HI MOM... Its time to dance!! are you ready? hugs, small hug. If it last 5 minutes or 10 minutes is good.. laugh, fun, Short, and sweet giggle. by joyful... bring her flower some times or balloons. Make your visist, fun, short and sweet.,, then run. You know your mom, take the best approach so she doesn't get overwhelmed. Make It Happy

Or in my case, spelling. :(
Please be careful of dad. He is lost too. Just know you are not the only one in your family who is hurting. My mother forgot my name. She called her sister's name. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME SHE TALKED.
This disease has no boundaries.
Just know this. That is hard to do, but it's true. When I corrected her, that she did not say my name, she stopped talking.. PERIOD.
THIS FREAKING DISEASE HAS NO BOUNDARIES...
My advice is: Do Not Correct Her. she doesn't know, and at the end of it all, it doesn't matter. LOVE MATTERS. and YOU NEED TO FORGIVE. Forgive, yourself, forgive your mom, forgive your dad ( your poor dad and mom, without them, you would not be you) tough as that sounds, and to be forgiven, you must accept the guilt or cause, or whatever. They cannot forgive you, if you do not apologize.
I am so sorry mom, I love you. I am sorry sorry Dad, I am here for you too, and I love you.
Your sister may be the "favorite", and it seems to be in most families, said, or unsaid, we all know, there is a favorite. There was a favorite. Why? because #1 child wasn't protected, but #2 was.. and so it was. #1 was first and "experimental in a way. They didn't know what they were doing, so the mom didn't know she should put up her wings and PROTECT. #2 would speak to her with "tapping", and mom understood. Kinda like sign language ie, morse code.
#3 came around, and Mom loved all of us, but #2 had to be protected. (middle child syndrome,? no, I don't think so.( #3 came about 5 years later. )- They had a special bond)
I lost all of them too soon...
DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY.. That just hurts.. And your mother doesn't want to hurt anyone. Take your position, and protect you, your mom, your dad, your sister, ESPECIALLY MOM... Play music, gather the family around mom when you can, make it a happy joyful moment or party. HONESTLY.
Do yourself a favor, put away those bad thoughts, your mom loves everyone of her pups... AND YOUR DAD TOO.
I have not read any posts, which I do a lot, but if your parents are still married, he misses her and he may just be frozen.

Following our readers? Mom's necessary needs are beyond your level of care and should have her to a facility, COVID or not. As I have read, you have several more years of working to pay into SS until at least age 67; government decides from year you were born to determine full benefits eligibility. Love your Mom in the moment but take care if yourself, first. I pray for the two of you and for all the best!

First and foremost don’t take this as she does not love. The mom before the disease is still in there. Your moms new personality is the dementia. The pain and suffering you are feeling now is real and needs to be addressed. Try to talk with someone about your true feelings expressing them will make it easier to deal with. Take time for yourself. If your mom prefers your sister ask her for assistance more. Know that all you can do is your best only you are the judge of that. Wishing you all the best.

I realize it is hard for you. I too, am going through the same with my mother. Usually, there is a sibling that the parent will take longer to loose in her mind. I have a younger brother that my mother still remembers. It hurts but it is not her fault. Her brain is deteriorating and she can't help it. Try to remember to take deep breaths to relax and it really helps. Try to change the conversation.
Tell her that you are there to visit her. After a different subject she will have forgotten what she said earlier. She may not remember you but she will talk to you nicely. But I do understand how you are feeling. Remember she loves all her children even if she does not remember. Good Luck.

I understand exactly what you are going through. My mom thinks that I am a nurse, a man, or the "other Andrea," even though I am with her 24/7.

But, she remembers my sister who visits once or twice a week.

It's the most horrifying feeling in the world. It makes me feel angry and resentful, even though I am aware that it is the disease.

The only thing that helps is participating on the Alzheimer's Dementia Caregiver's FB Support Group, where we all are able to vent without judgment.