When you go out on a double date and they spring the parents on you. Any advice?

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When you go out on a double date and they spring the parents on you. Any advice?

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We all have aging parents, but this was supposed to be just us and then the friend just brings them. Hubs works for a senior facility on top of the obligations we have to mollycoddle his parents who live nearby already.

We wanted a break, that’s all.

Burnout Mental Health Parents

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I'm curious and don't know how to answer the question. Sometimes I post a response and then later on find it posted with someone else's name? Not that my posts are so valuable, but it's kind of eerie to find my exact words, even with local references, posted with someone else's name???

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Peggy, you say "I am so glad you brought someone to pick up the tab. Make mine a double grilled lobster tail."

Sometimes we have to roll with the punches and show good grace.

I love other people's old people, so I would have had fun with them.

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Lol, it was a Hofbrau so we paid for our own food. It was annoying in that it increasingly felt like we were props. Props for this friend who needs to prove to mommy and daddy that he has friends right nearby. Props for his parents in that they had new conversation partners.

Props, I guess for me, in that upon realizing this situation I wasn’t going full bore with the charm offensive like I’ve had to do for so many corporate dinners.

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Yes, this was wrong on their part. Did you tell them you were looking for a break from caring for parents? Not sure at this point I would say anything now but I would if you make a date again. Make sure they know that you going out to get away from the older generation. No parents.

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Ditto . Make it clear next time going out to get a break .
Can’t believe they did that .

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I agree that this was unacceptable, but wonder how close the friends are to you. Will strong words end your relationship with them, and will that be sad for you? If so, my suggestion would be to phone and say how surprised you were, and was there any special problem that they couldn’t explain at the time. If it was a last minute drama, perhaps it would have been difficult to explain in front of the parents, though they should at least have phoned you afterwards.

If you want to keep seeing them, you need some ‘rules’!

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Margaret, SO’s friend is a close neighbor. Like, if he stands in the middle of his street, he’s looking right in my front yard. We’ve exchanged some neighborly favors. I personally think the way he came to caregiving was not the most philanthropic of reasons, but anyone who does deserves some time with their peers only.

Which is what I thought this was gonna be, not a forced “family” gathering where this friend is toasting all of us for being “his best friends in the world.” No honey. We ain’t your family, and this was literally the first time we went out.

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Oh I feel for you! I have a friend who b*****s about how stressful her mom is, how she needs a break,, yadayada . So I invite her over, for a relaxing break, and she brings the oh so stressing her out Mom! Now I love her Mom, and she has NO mental issues at this time,, no reason she could not be left home alone for a few hours. So do we get to vent about our moms,,,? Was I upset? Have we seen much of each other since? You have the idea. I think you are right to be upset

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Thanks for understanding. We wanted a break and that’s all. We don’t want to be part of his family circle.

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So you and your hubby went out with another couple and that couple, without telling you, brought along the parents? How well do you know this couple and is this sort of thing typical? That they wouldn't tell you, I mean. That seems like odd behavior to me. I sure understand their not being able to leave them, not having someone to be with them, but to not tell you seems odd.

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If the other couple can't leave the elderly parents alone and couldn't find a sitter, they should have declined.
It's not hard to pick up a phone and tell the people you're supposed to go out with that you either can't make it, or will have to being the parents along.
They could have given PeggySue and her man the basic courtesy of calling them and explaining their situation.

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ouch...
Well 2 choices.
Suck it up and have your meal. (quickly, ask for "to go boxes" when they bring the meal..have a few bites then pack up and go)

Say...gee I see you brought company Mr. PeggySue and I will sit at another table, we can get together another time.

And either decline further invitations or make it clear that reservations were made for a party of 4.

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Then you should take a break. There is no reason on earth why you or your husband should be mollycoddling his parents. Many times elderly people need some tough love even more than teenagers do.
You and your husband should have told the other couple that their behavior in showing up with the elderly parents was completely unacceptable.
This is the same kind of nonsense many pet owners and parents pull when they're invited to something at a person's home. Do not assume when you receive an invitation that it also extends to your kids, pets, or elderly relatives that have to be babysat 24/7. It does not.
I sure hope you and your husband insisted on separate checks if part of the date night was dinner out.
SMH... Some people have no class.

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Well, SOs parents have always monolpolized a lot of special occasions, but .at least we know we are going to make THEM happy as a family obligation. I mean, we wouldn’t rope two casual friends into saying the four of us are getting together and then let’s sic our parents on you.

When you go out on a double date and they spring the parents on you. Any advice?

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