When will my older brother step up the plate and help me care for our 85-year-old father?

I've been caring for my almost 97 yo father for a year now. In that time, I've had only 8 weekends off.....was beginning to resent the 3 siblings that live nearby (one next door) then today I was talking to my sister & found out that she goes to pieces every time she walks into my dad's house because our mother died here 7 years ago and she was so very close to our mom and it just brings back all the sadness of losing mama. (at the time of my mom's death, my sister was going through chemo for breast cancer) I then talked to my other 2 siblings and found that I'm the only one that can bear being in this house. When my brother stays overnite to help out, he can't sleep anywhere but the couch, since there are only 2 bedrooms, one is my dad's and one is mine......the one my mom died in.
So, the point of all this rambling is that there may be reasons you can't be aware of.
God Bless You and I pray He helps you with this stress point.

What about the spouses of these deadbeat siblings? Do they have no morals either? Do they NOT care what happens to their husband/wife's parents? I think I'd pick up the phone and ask them. Especially if it's a wife that you can talk to. The man may be the 'head' of the family, but the woman is the neck. Can't move the head without the necks cooperation.
What movie did that quote come from.... oh well.

We all know "alone".
Your aloneless is enormous!

My bad back hurts always yet I still manage,
Poor brother.
Do you have an ailment other than your broken heart?

For what it's worth I've found understanding people here.
Sorry your mom is resentful of having someone enter her realm.
What if you weren't available??

Who would she turn to?
sometimes a 'professional' intruder has more clout than a child. They might not put up with the BS.

Aching for you ....

Rip

Thanks for all the advise and communication. Some days I feel very alone. As far as paying to have help forget it. My Mom has this thing about strangers in her house. I am looking into the Veterans Asistance Program. I have been unemployed for 10 months now and my parents have both agreed that they would rather pay me than a stranger to take care of them. As for my Dad asking for help from my Brother he (Dad) has the neighbor cutting our grass and shoveling the snow in the winter...My Brother has his own house to do and "he has a bad knee"... Whatever!!! Thanks again for the support and Hugs

Do your parents vent at you? I know I was the target of Dad's many frustations & gripes.
I was programmed #1 on his cell phone & he'd phone me with any little proble or gripe.

I begged him to direct some of these calls to my bros, but he always had an excuse not to. He had a chart of their speed dials but would only call me.
I was/am the only one competent & sane in his view.

If there is any way to get your dad to ask him, I would have that happen. This is what I do with my mom: when she needed help with her yard work I told her to call all of the kids and ask or I would send over the person who does my neighbor's lawn to give an estimate. She chose the later. Suddenly siblings weren't getting the birthday checks because mom had this new expense. Does your dad live with you?

You can only ask and if not help maybe money to hire help but usually it will not help but since he is not in the picture he better not fuss any decisions you make as time goes buy.

dmvgirl is right....NEVER....do your best...hopefully he'll have an epiphany and changes....good luck

I spoke to my 56 yr old brother the other day and told him what I would like him to do such as give me a break once in a while and his response was "Well then I guess I'll JUST have to go over there and stay with them if you need me to." Maybe I am being too picky but I feel that Mom did not just birth to me and why do I have to call, why can't he stop over once in a while to say hi. My parents love him alot and do understand that he is not perfect and has some faults but according to Dad " He's a hard working man and has his own family to take care of!" OK I will do my part and hopefully he will wake up and smell the coffee. Thanks to all of you for the support. I really appreciate. Hugs to all of you!!!

What does your father think of him? Is your dad supportive of you?

In my experience--Although there was another sibling, I seemed to have been the chosen one that stepepd up to the plate...This is quite a common occurance in families, unfortunately. And there can be a host of reasons why your brother is NOT sharing the responsibilits. I personally think what you need to do is to have a family meeting-or a meeting with your broter-on the phone or even better in person..and iron this all out. You may be very suprised to hear the reasoning behind the matter of Not sharing-the caregiving responsililities. A lot of understanding, and possibly less resentment will come out of all this.. The sooner you do this the better off everyone will be.
Good lick on your careging journey~
Hap

with your father being 85, that means your brother is perhaps 60. When you just write it, you think, oh a 20-year-old deadbeat. But this is a 60-year-old deadbeat, like my three sisters. Grown women, grandmothers all.

Anyway, there may be some transformational experience you could inject into the situation. Seeing the movie "The Savages" might pry open something, perhaps some poem. That movie just out on DVD, "The Single Man," is such a movie, though not about caregiving a parent. But caring about life. Oh, the new "Toy Story 3" movie has a "stick together" scene that will bring you to your knees weeping.

Almost anyone would run to the aid of someone in an accident to help them. But when one is dying over the period of several years, this same person runs the other way.

Shallow. (My prime insult.)

Never, I have finally given up on my 9 brothers and sisters. Mom was there for everyone of them when they needed help, but the same old story I stepped up to help her and everyone else stepped back. I have tried emails, phonecalls etc, nothing its like to most of them there mother doesn't exist. Sorry that's the way it works sometimes. Come to terms with the fact that you may be doing this alone.

You probably can't.There always seems to be 1 person in a family that does not get it,due to different reasons.Either talk w/ them & draw them a picture of what you need& see,or just skip them from the beginning.If they don't get it,they only frustrate you.He also is a guy,which doesn't help.Most
men are clueless.

Does he respond and do what is needed when you DO call? If so, I think maybe you just live with that and try to be as specific as you can about what you need from him.....but if you're just venting about having to point out the obvious to your bro., I affirm that. It's absolutely frustrating.