My mom, 88, is living in her own home (with a LOT of help from mostly me, and two other daughters, too, when they can). She is becoming increasingly less able to do a lot of things. We've tried to get her to use Senior Helpers, who will do anything she needs, but she flatly refuses. She can well afford it. We are now helping her, which is hard enough, and she keeps crying to us that she's a burdern. But she doesn't NEED to be. We each (for better or worse) have a durable POA. When can we use that, if we can no longer physically take care of her in her home, and she doesn't give us permission to hire anyone? None of us is dishonest and none would take advantage of the situation. We would all keep careful records of expenditures, etc. Do I need to consult an attorney? Thank you so much, and a happy holiday to all!

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Avidreader, doesn't the durable part of the POA apply only when she is mentally incapacitated? The hardest years for our family were the last years in which the ILs were making their own decisions. Many of their decisions were bad decisions and ended up making small health matters become serious health matters. Two of the siblings spent a lot of time hammering on the folks to try to get them to do things they say they wanted. Didn't do any good and caused lots of bad feelings.

If you can get everyone on the same page - just one sibling backing Mom will ruin it- you can try a "we're taking charge, this is the way it's going to be" talk. Our problem was that we couldn't get the siblings to all agree on the course of action. With united, determined siblings you have a chance. Good luck!
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Unless your mother is declared incompetent and you have court appointed guardianship, there is nothing you can do. Maybe if you stop helping her, she will realize she has no choice but to hire outside help. I am in a similiar situation. My mother keeps talking about hiring someone to help her, but so far she hasn't. I do not wish to become her full time caregiver do to legal issues that may arise and the responsibilities that come with doing it. She can afford assisted living or to hire someone to help her.
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