tctwall Asked August 2009

When to transfer mom to assisted living?

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tctwall Aug 2009
Thank you for your response. My mom wants to die in her home. We are doing our best to give her independence so she can do just that. .But this summer we noticed that she gets day and night confused and calls her neighbors. Her short term memory is gone. She thinks people put things in or take the out of her house, and keeps everything locked up. She feel and between herneighbor and myself we were able to get he rinto bed.Absolutely refused to have a dr. exam.She was right, sShe was not injured. She thinks I should be there within 5 minutes of a phone call or she gets annoyed, threatens to walk to the store or dr. appt, or hair appt, etc, or calls the neighbors. She thinkis I am stealing her money becaause the deposit has my last name on the statement next to the amount. We used the same bank so I just make a transfer of the money into her account each month to supplement her SS. She thinks her meds are unnecessary, and takes her meds randomly or twice since she cannot remember if she eats her meals or not and is supposed to take her meds with her meals. I tried all kinds of counters and pill boxes, and she will not use them.
She CAN get herself to bed and up again, washed and dressed and washes her clothing, etc... all things that are engrained in her from the past. I praise her about those things. But many days, she thinks I am trying to trick her, and while I want her to be secure in her home, she will NOT let anyone come in to help her... no meals on wheels, no visitations, no morning calls to check in, no health care aide.Just me, who she thinks she doesn't need either.
I love her and want what is best for her, but I am really
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makkd Aug 2009
there are many items to look at BEFORE you "transfer" mom. 1st off is the language of "transfer", how about - a new level of care, a move to more appropriate setting etc. We also need to not look at moving as a failure or either your or Mom's part. It happens. It also happens in reverse as well. People in nursing homes actually get well and or can have supportive services to move across back into the community as well. Lets not forget this.

Hopefully you have exhausted all other avenues in your community for home supports to insure she is living in the least restrictive environment.

And lastly, what does MOM want?
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