How do you know when to stop giving your parent food?

Obituary? I am the only family and what few friends she had my mother ran off over the years.

This is in response to an earlier post about hospice a guidebook by sandwhich42.

I've read that the patients are not suffering by being refused food and water too and I call bullsh*t on that.

If they are asking for it, it should be given. At least ice chips or sponging or something.

I'm glad we are all here discussing these issues and I'm sorry some are struggling. I do think we try to do what's best and we need to go with our gut, not necessarily what the "professionals" say.

I agree - if they are asking for it, provide it by all means.

There are a lot of family members forcing food & drink, due to not understanding that it really doesn't help prolong life and can make dying more difficult.

My dad refused food for about two weeks before he passed; totally would NOT take anything. Did take small amounts of water. He also would not take his regular meds either; my cousin, who is a doctor that had staff privileges in the hospital where he was said that being without the meds did have an effect on his survival, but there was not anything we could do about it. Much later I realized that it was his choice; he missed my mom terribly (she had been gone a little more than five years) and I am the youngest and was the last one at home. He thought the world of my fiance and knew I would be taken care of, and wanted to go.

Today was the first day I had to crush a pill and put it in applesauce. I also called the Pharmacy minutes ago to ask if I can take his sleeping CAPSULE and beak it open and put it is applesauce. He checked to make absolutely sure and said yes. Not every capsule can be opened and put in applesauce. As for food, I am using jello, pudding, and applesauce. I bought a bullet and am mashing up foods that can be turned into like baby food. I did it with a roast, potatoes and peas and carrots. I took protein powder, blueberries orange juice bananas and blended with a bit of ice to make a smoothie. But that smoothie might have to go as it is a bit thick I crush his pills with two spoons and put them in apple sauce.

Then I asked the nurse if he is refusing water, what do I do. She said nothing. There is no substitute except for the liquids he is getting in the foods I am giving him. When he stops taking any of the above I will try to get him to take a teaspoon of apple sauce with the pills AT LEAST. He must have the medications to keep the pain down.

He went for two nights without sleeping. He told me he was afraid if he went to sleep he would not wake up. Yet, he has accepted death. We say we do, but there will always be that bit of fear about what happens next.

Fortunately, for us (and not mandatory for others), we have our faith.

So many things are happening that make me know he is talking to someone and discussing the days of his life.

After I said all of what I said above....We must somehow remember they are dying. Food will not make a difference. I just don't want him to be hungry. I don't even think hunger is an issue when they are dying. It is the dryness of their mouth. I bought a spray (biotene moisturizing Mouth Spray) Two sprits in each side of his mouth and he is happy again. I use lip cream and put it on my finger and spread it on his lips. The biotene can be purchased at any drug store. I know when my husband died, he just wanted water. The doctor refused his water, so I wet a wash cloth and let him suck on the cloth. They are afraid they will asperate. Whatever, don't be afraid they are dying. My partner is my love and I have been told not to fuss over him to much. Let him rest and comfort him by massaging his feet and a cool wash cloth on his forehead and head now and then.