My mom is 74-years-old and has a 25 year gambling addiction and some sort of mental decline (maybe like Dementia) due to cholesterol blockages in the main arteries in her brain. I have noticed that she can't spell or read anymore and recently asked me to get her an old manual type of sewing machine, because she can't seem to figure out how to use hers anymore (she sewed on it for 30 years). She also is scared to drive and recently drove away from the gas station with the pump handle in her tank. She's also very moody, argumentative, paranoid and seems very depressed. She says childish things like "I'm going to run away and you'll never see me again" or "I can take care of myself and I don't need your help."
My Dad died two years ago and my failure-to-launch, 53-year-old brother, who is also a gambling addict and has mental instability due to Meth use lives with her and takes her Social Security. I was left as Trustee over their estate and I pay all my Mom's bills and make sure the house is taken care of. They gamble away her Social Security. I hate that I'm legally required to enable their gambling. They want for nothing.
She keeps allowing family members who are hard on their luck move in with her and then they use her. I recently had to evict my half-brother and his wife from her house through legal proceedings (they wouldn't leave.) I had to kick my abusive uncle out of her house earlier this year. She also has retained a lawyer to fight the validity of the Trust that was set up for her, because she feels I'm controlling her too much and she should be able to spend the money as she sees fit. She would become destitute in no time.
She's supposed to have brain surgery to place shunts in the arteries in her brain to restore blood flow and oxygen to her brain. It's a serious surgery and I get that, but she's scared and refusing to even see the Neurosurgeon. However, it's crazy to think that a Dementia patient could be cured from Dementia by such a surgery.
She also does not manage her Diabetes well, her High Cholesterol or her High Blood Pressure. I know she's not eating well either and doesn't seem to make meals anymore. She also wreaks of urine and BO and doesn't shower often, claiming it damages her skin and makes her break out.
A person's independence and autonomy are probably the most precious thing you have at the end of your life. I take it very seriously. Coupled with her gambling addiction and co-dependence with my brother, who threatens suicide often, I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.
I would love to have my mom live with me, as she could be a part of our family and I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I know the transition would be hard on her, but she's still pretty mobile and not deathly ill. Does anyone have any insight on this?
I also have to deal with my mentally unstable brother. Gawd...I know he would be homeless if I didn't intervene. I've talked to gambling recovery centers, but they won't take him, because he has auditory hallucinations and threatens suicide. What do you do for a person like him?
My attorney says I should obtain Guardianship over my mom and even consider it for my brother. Based on what I've written, is it time? I feel utterly torn up about taking a step like that. Also, I DO NOT want to put my mom through that, because I know she'll fight like hell and what if the judge says she's fine?
Any insight would be so helpful to me.