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She has help with meals, CNA help, nursing help and is accusing people of being short with her or bossy. She has old food in her fridge, still wants to drive and does on occasion but doesn't recognize places when other people take her. Has a cat she doesn't want to leave. Has been there a long time. She is easily mad and frustrated.

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I'm sorry you have been put in the position of "bad guy" by your Mom and family. Of course they want things to stay the same, to make the move is to admit she is declining and the end is one step nearer. Be strong, you know what is right and needs to be done.
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Mom: You, the lucid one, must make the decision, not your mother.
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In Franklin Michigan a man with" mild dementia" went out for the paper a few weeks ago. He was lost for two days. Luckly a kind stranger helped him, however it could have turned out very differently. So when someone mentions dementia and driving you cannot tell me its wise.
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YOU LET HER STILL DRIVE????????????
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I cannot tell you if it is time to move her, but I do advise exploring options now so that when that time comes you can make the best choice. Rather than move her can you work with the home care agency to get aides that are more compatible? Is there an assisted living place near you that would allow her to keep her cat if you or she could feed it and take care of the litter box daily. Would she fit better in a foster home situation with just a few others or in a larger unit with more social life?

Is there a program that tests seniors and helps them recapture driving skills? When I had my husband evaluated (and he drove head on into traffic on the simulated road) they reported him and the state took his license and his anger. The dead battery route sounds better now. What services are available offering rides for seniors in your area?

An places where some friends have already move to? Visit - is atmosphere what she would come t enjoy?

Moved my husband out to a facility last Monday.So gad I took the tme to really learn about alternatives.
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I hear in your question the age-old wish to please our parents. Mom will be angry with you if you take her car privieges and her cat from her and move her to a smaller space where she does not want to go, but where she will have more assistance with skills of daily living. Or will she? Can you provide CNA's around the clock? two 12 hours shifts? Wtih a woman who can drive? Then leave her be.
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Who has power of attorney? How is it written? If she is not bring owed by doctors as being incapacitated to keep herself from harm then you have a real challenge. If she is 'incompetent' you can move her and the challenge is to put together th fright team to do it as kindly as possible. If she is not incapacitated in legal terms then your doctor is your ally. I presume you have a neurologist or geriatric psychiatrist? I presume sh has a diagnosis of dementia? If you have a local Alzheimer's Association and I suggest you go to some of the support groups or classes
As for driving? Ask th doctor to report him to be he DMV. I've heard of people disconnecting the battery. Not only could be hurt himself but he could hurt others. Good luck but be clever and offer to drive him when The car won't work or arrange for another driving service
Hope this helps?
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Some of the responses you are getting seem out-of-line. This is a personal situation, a tragic one for you and your mother. Part of the decisions you make will be based on values There are no "right" answers. Even "your best shot would be . . ." type answers depend on knowing you, your mother, the rest of her family and so many more details that no one on this list should presume to give advice. How do you weigh perceived safety against expressed happiness? How do you weight life having more meaning against extending it in ways take take some of the meaning out of it for her?

Sharing experiences is helpful, I think. Offering factors to consider? Also helpful. But advice? No! Unfortunately, you are stuck making these decisions and the ones others made or think they would make are not necessarily best in your situation

Ferris' mother may have soon forgotten, but that does not mean yours will. (My father never did.) "Mom121 thinks . . . anyone with dementia at any stage should not be out on their own." Anyone? Out where? What level of dementia? Demented in what ways? Pretty broad dictum there, Mom121

"If you move her now," write ramiller, "she can become settled before her dementia worsens and its harder for her." Really? Some people become more compliant, more peaceful as their condition deteriorates. (My mother did.) You might be making mom less happy now and gain little in terms of when she finally has to be moved. You might let her stay home until she dies if that is what she says she wants. (That's what my 99 year old mother-in-law says she wants and that's our plan.)

Honestly, from what you wrote, to me your mother sounds more afraid, grumpy, quirky and forgetful than "demented." But I'm just another guy on the internet. I'm also a retired clinical social worker and family therapist and as such, will tell you that is not a good form for offering diagnoses and treatment plans. I want to discourage people from offering advice and firm opinions about life-altering decisions based on so little knowledge about you and yours. Please find a knowledgeable, empathetic counselor you can talk with personally and regularly to help you sort things out. (I've used a spiritually trained counselor to help me with similar issues.)

Good luck and good thinking.
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First talk with her doctor, they will be a great help in making the decision. Next I suggest working with a local senior placement agency, they have allot of knowledge about the communities in your area. If dementia is her primary diagnoses she may need to be in a secure memory care unit. These units work great for those with memory problems in that they keep them engaged and are able to handle issues that can arise as your mother's dementia progresses. If you choose the right community it will be easier for your mother to adjust, but no matter what there will be a period of adjustment.

To MOM321, according to the ALZ Association, there is nothing wrong with some with early stages of dementia driving as long as he/she can do so safely.
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Find a facility that will accept her cat and has plenty of memory care for her progressive dementia. She will object at first, but she will forget...
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I am following this thread because we are dealings with the same dilemma.
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If you move her now she can become settled before her dementia worsens and its harder for her.
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Mom321, Please take the keys. I know its very hard to do but anyone with dementia at any stage should not be out on their own. As for the move, the sooner you do it the easier it will be for her transation. If you
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What does her doctor advise ? Will she listen to her/him?
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Yes and thank you
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This is a continuing care facility? Ask the staff there for an evaluation, they should be able to help you decide and assist with the move if needed, isn't that the whole point of continuing care?
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